Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Thanks Bridget. Good luck to you too. Noticed that there is a 'lexus' mentioned in your signiture which reminded me about something.

A lot of what we all on this forum are trying to do - to achieve a level of financial stability and health - depends to a large degree on personality. And I would like to propose a very quick test.

If you were a car, which one would it be?

Very interested to hear from people. I will do my bit tonight. Now time for work - just heard that another one of my proposals has been financed. For the last couple of years I have had 100% success rate (touching wood at the moment not to jinks things).

Firewalker

Firewalker

Now it is time to get back to cars and personalities. If I were a car I will be a Smart. In fact, I did drive a Smart For Two – a bright yellow one with gray. Little beauty – my heart still hurts that it had to go. When they first saw my Smart people said ‘It is so...yellow.’ And only very close friends said ‘It is so much you.’ Yes it was me and I loved it.

But the material fact is that my Smart was flamboyant, memorable, totally impractical, could not be taken on a motorway, expensive to run and could not corner for toffee.

Getting out of financial trouble, I suspect, might require that I make a transition from Smart to Ford Focus. Would I need a personality transplant, I wonder?

Firewalker

Firewalker

Oh, the strides I am taking; oh, the progress I am making. Do you know that yesterday I actually checked the balance on our current account? I have not done this for about 17 years now. I think this is for two reasons: one, fear that I’ll find something I don’t like and this will upset me, and make me think about money, and two, a dislike of money. But today, I walked to my Golgotha (the cash machine), bravely put my card in (and I did remember my pin for once) and...You know, I felt exactly the way I have felt during my few gambling episodes – heart racing, eyes bulging, dry mouth...But I managed to check our account balance and was not disappointed – so far so good. I also took out £50 for our food bill next week.

The accounts for the first nine days of April were also done. We have spent £51 on food which is not bad given that this is over nine days and that we had two visitors during this time. It also was Easter...On the down side, too much under ‘exceptional’ expenditure. Makes me wonder whether if exceptional is consistently high does it make it regular. Just kidding...

I have also managed to raise £185 for the Alzheimer’s Society in three days – only £315 to go. Don’t remember whether I mentioned that a week on Sunday I am running the first ever Brighton marathon for this charity. Lost my wise mum to the horrible illness. Literally lost her – she was gone long before she died.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Yesterday, my little boy asked me ‘Mummy, who is your best friend?’ Now me moving here from a different country, working all hours given to me, raising three sons (and at one point a dog), having elderly parents far away – I obviously have had interrupted life and not much time. So, no ‘best friends’ from childhood and very limited ability to make, or keep, best friends in adulthood (though not entirely convinced I have reached that).

Faced with the challenge of son’s question I realised that before last September I would have answered without hesitation ‘My best friend is your Daddy.’ Yesterday I could not do that. It is not that I love OH less, I am not even angry with him any longer...I am not even vexed...It is a matter of trust. My son’s question made me realise that at the end it is not about money – money gets earned, spent, saved, debts get repaid. What I have found upsetting all along is that I have lost my trust in OH and on the way I lost my best friend as well. Am I going to get my friend back? Would it be possible to trust again?

How did I answer my son’s question?

‘My best friend is my computer.’
‘But mummy, computers can’t be friends – they are not alive.’, my son said.
‘It is my best friend – I spend longest with my computer, I have coffee with it, it makes me laugh and it makes me cry...’
‘Mummy, you are joking, aren’t you?’
‘No, darling, mummy is not joking.’
‘But what about Daddy, mummy?’

We shall see, my son, we shall see.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Sitting here, with a glass of wine and waiting for Foyle’s War to start – love the programme. Contemplating the weekend...and feeling quite contented really. Progress was made in four main directions.

First, all the shopping for food is done – mind we have still rather a lot of meat in the freezer – and have spend only £39; there is still about £11 in the very special purse where as of last Friday our cash for the week is placed. Will probably need to buy a bit more – on Friday we are off to Brighton and will need to take food for the road. No point overspending on barely edible food served on grimy tables. Even better, our ‘regular’ expenditure, which this week includes some rather interesting but expensive wines is low as well – and we all intend to keep it this way.

Second, de-cluttered two places in the house – a back kitchen where the washing machine is and the hall. The hall was annoying but not shameful; the back kitchen was a complete disgrace. Interestingly enough the effort was well worth it and brought a nice feeling of satisfaction. As a bonus I did identify three items for selling – will have to put on e-bay but have no idea how this is done. In fact, I am an e-bay virgin and have never even been on it. But if I can learn prices I can probably learn e-bay.

Third, I saw a financial advisor – my first ever; and he was a very nice bloke at that. This is the story of my life insurance. I realised that increasing my premium by about £30 has always annoyed me. For two reasons. One, I am really fit and healthy but then managed to forget that a nurse is coming to examine me and had to run back from the shops with two heavy bags full of shopping. Got home on time and even cracked jokes with my-self – all of them about age and how I can still hold my own. No wonder my blood pressure was slightly raised. But this costs me £30 per month. Two, the insurance company actually believe that there is a fairly good chance of me crocking it in the next 20 years. And do I love proving companies wrong. So, there comes the financial advisor – his task is to find me life insurance that is cheaper and more respectful.

And forth, I have raised £270 for the Alzheimer’s Society. People’s generosity warms up my soul.

Wine is finished and Foyle’s War has probably started. Till tomorrow.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Dear Firewalker, I do love your thread. I hope you are enjoying tonight. I am going to subscribe too.

Thank you for cheering me up.

:j

bridget81

Dear Firewalker,

With the life insurance, i arranged for a financial advisor to look into a policy for my other half. He came back with a certain company and what seemed to be fair price. I then searched online, via cashback sites (i used quidco this time) and found the same insurers, managed to up the total amount by ten thousand pounds, get the policy for 5 pounds per month cheaper and also received 50 pound cashback. Obviously said financial advisor did not get his comission on the life insurance, but in my opinion he seemed, money grabing. As soon as he found out we had a business he changed direction and went on to compnay pensions and company this and that. At that point i realised he didnt actually care nor did he do what he was supposed to do in the end.

Hope this helps.

Congratulations and well done on the money raised for the alzehiemers society. I am an elderly mental health nurse so i completely understand how horrible this illness is.

Well done on the de-cluttering too. I made a start on the garage yesterday whilst OH attacked the garden and our son 'helped'! Our garage is a 'dumping ground' full of car boot treasure and i am determined to turn it into a lovely, tidy, practical area that i can use for storing food bargains, outside toys, alcohol and diy items. I also have an exercise machine type thingy which is at the back behind all the treasure so i would love for this to be accessible and set up. I can live in hope!

Better go, jobs to do. I hope you have a lovely day.

Bridget

Firewalker

Thank you savingwannabe and welcome to my diary.
Bridget, thanks for the advice - I'll watch carefully the financial advisor and try to be smart this time.

Talk later.

Firewalker

Firewalker

During the last two weeks I have been thinking hard and long about posting a SOA and can’t bring myself to do it. Don’t misunderstand me: I am perfectly aware financial health is about control and experience. And that control demands information and experience is best acquired through, from and with other people. A SOA is important, I accept, but still can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t even start doing it. Why?

Because, assuming that ‘adulthood’ is about being grown up, realistic and responsible, I find it very difficult to decide whether there are any adults in our household. Let me see... Someone recently asked OH whether he has had a mid-life crisis. To which he replied: ‘No, I haven’t reached the middle of my life yet.’ I, on the other hand, am determined to grow old completely disgracefully. When I am 70 I am going to start a commune with my surviving friends and will go back to drugs (probably mainly tobacco but by then it will be completely illegal anyway). When someone told me that as mid-life crises go, running is a relatively innocent one, my response was: ‘It is simply lack of imagination: I never thought that I could have a toy-boy and buy a motorbike.’ That is that about being ‘grown up’ than. Our current predicament is not really a testament of high responsibility but quite the reverse.

As to being realistic... There is a middle aged man chasing his dream; a well maturing woman who is forgetting how to dream; a young man who can’t afford to dream; and a young boy who has nothing else but dreams. Not much realism in our household – but lots of flare, creativity and chaos. And this will work for us.

How do you put this in a SOA?

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Bless you this is priceless, i think you should write for a newspaper. It will work because you are amazing.

:j