Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Last night, when I thought that all is done and dusted I decided to check my e-mail. Usually I refrain from opening my e-mail late at night but last night it was like it was drawing me to it. Sure enough there was a message containing some terribly upsetting news – a good colleague and friend of mine passed away last Tuesday. He was a wonderful person – great to work with and for; he was always jolly and we often did work at railway stations and airports. He was always encouraging. And it was all so unexpected – according to his wife he felt unwell on New Years Day and after brief messing about by his GP was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer late January. Regretfully the cancer was not operable and slightly over a month later he was dead. Terrible news but the e-mail this lady sent was so glorious – sad but accepting with masses of dignity.

This unsettled me – had dreams about my mum and she was already ill; the crushing sadness that I do not allow myself to feel when awake. Then this morning I was telling OH about the exercise I did last night – about my worst nightmare. ‘But this is nothing’ – he said. ‘The real nightmare is if one of us get chronically or terminally ill.’ And he is right, of course.

Otherwise today my exploration of Tim continued – I find the possibility of having a much shorter working week very attractive. May be not four hour week but about 10 hours? Did all that was done in the previous days – short to do, offer solutions, the ‘if...then’ format of e-mails. But because to day I was marking I also decided that I’ll be practicing my speed reading. Well, it doesn’t matter how many time I read MG’s book or for that matter Tim’s tips on speed reading – the only way to become faster is to practice using their suggestions and techniques. Whilst it is unclear whether I have got faster my reading speed today was 444 words per minute. OK but far from the aim of 1000. Give me time...

Tonight, just before writing this I also did some work on my dream-lines. But more about this tomorrow.

Good night and sleep well (or have great time if you are out on the town).

Firewalker

InaPickle

Firewalker, I've been considering getting the 4 hour. Would you recommend it?

savingwannabe

I am sorry you lost your friend too Firewalker. When i have lost friends i think they are at peace now. You miss them but they are still watching over us and we will meet them in Heaven. If i dont meet Steve McQueen i shall be jolly cross.

hugs, stay strong. love, swXXX

Firewalker

InaPickle wrote: »

Firewalker, I've been considering getting the 4 hour. Would you recommend it?

Yes, I recomend it very highly. But! It is not a book that people just read - I read it first and now am working through the different points and exercises.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Something has got to give! Today has been a bad day – and I think that it was a bad day because I am getting very tired and resentful. Why was the day a weekend failure?

Start of the day: A big argument with OH. It all started, as these things usually do, very innocently. Over coffee I decided to do his dream-lines. Could not believe that he had a problem thinking of things he wants to be (dream-lines include three dimensions: what one want s to have; to be; and to do). As an example I suggested learning another language – and we started arguing about what it means to be ‘fluent’ and how long it takes. I said that being ‘fluent’ takes six months and he argued that it takes much longer. It turned out that he thinks that being ‘fluent’ means that ‘native speakers would not know you are not native speaker’. Now for me this is achieving ‘mastery’ and even when you have achieved mastery of a language people know. OH than said that I am not fluent in English – because I still speak with an accent. At this point I found a definition – accidently I was right about the meaning of ‘fluent’ – and then got on his back about more general things. Like the fact that he has all this projects to start earning (no technical work this year and he does not want or search for any) but he develops them technically and then leaves them (they are not perfect enough). So nothing comes out of it – and I so desperately want at least one of these to succeed; for his sake.

I am disappointed – with OH, with Little Boy who shows off in-front of his friends answering back, with grown up sons who sat most of the day watching TV and playing games while I shopped, cooked, cleaned and earned to keep all of them. And yes, I am not very supportive at the moment but I do not have the energy and the time to be. I am too busy earning ¾ of the income, travelling around the world to do this, doing all the cooking, doing most of the cleaning...Something has to give...

And I am dreaming about Flamenco lessons (to be taught by gypsies in Spain just like a gypsy taught me to play the violin), about pilgrimage and about biking around America. Are these to be only dreams?

Firewalker

savingwannabe

No they are not dreams. Sometimes there are upsetting days that may make you question why you are here? I had a similar moment this morning, a disappointing facebook message from someone who should know better. But you know what darling Firewalker? you know what you want, you can see things others cant, you appreciate things they sometimes choose not to see. You are doing the right thing and the beauty of them being your family is that they dont have to be grateful for it, or even see it because they are safe as you are there, chances and wonderful opportunities remain. They do know how much you mean to them your family would be a shell without you even i can see that despite the fact they sound incredibly intelligent and resourceful. Ask them if they love you. A resounding yes. They will treasure every moment they spend with you because they are safe.

When i feel like this i listen to Harry Nilsson - Everybody's Talking (Midnight Cowboy) listen and be mellow my friend. Think of your travels you are nearly there....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzEY6ZqkuE

Ps have you read Travels with Charley by my hero Mr Steinbeck?

InaPickle

Firewalker, I forgot to pass on my condolences about your friend. How rude of me!

Also, as someone with a Masters degree in Applied (conference) Interpreting and Translation Studies, I would like to take this opportunity to officially certify you are fluent in English, Firewalker! But that your English were my French.

As for the rest, there's not a lot I can do, but I hate it when a difference in opinion becomes a full-on row.

Have a nice evening. x

Lara44

Firewalker, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend.

And your bad day. Sometimes it feels like nothing will go right! It is so hard to be disappointed in the people we love. But you have been on quite a journey since your diary started here. So many things have changed. Recently your work achievements have been outstanding! Things are moving so fast for you. Sometimes change happens in one area of life and it doesn't quite flow through the others. Ask for help from your family. Even if you don't feel it now you are inspiring them and making them able to do challenging, difficult and exciting things. They will be running the marathon behind you in their own ways.

Firewalker I feel a bit silly writing this as tomorrow you will come to a much more refined conclusion and a way forward. SW, I just love to read your posts and I think you and FW are both wonderful.

Firewalker

Thinks for your messages, my friends.

SW, have read Steinbeck but not the one you refer to - will get it and read it.

Pickle, thanks and, yes, a small disagreement can become a full blown argument that encompasses life, the universe and all else. This is life! Also for the first thing I have it in writing that I am fluent in English - although OH argued that I am not fluent but have a chieved mastery. Go figure....

Lara, you are probably right - things are moving fast, I am getting tired and people cannot catch up. Or live up to my expectations. And please do not - ever - feel silly making suggestions here; these are very much appreciated. And I have not come up with a conclusion except that we have to go on.

We had a long chat last night and OH is saying that what gets him down and the reason he is sad and subdued all the time is that he want to start earning (loads) so that the negative wealth is dealth with. He is saying that he really hates our saving tactics; he was glum skiing because he hated the thought that we are doing it 'on the cheap'; and he hates thinking whether to buy something in A..i or not.

Interesting this one! I have been feeling so proud and seeing curbing our spending as such an adventure. He thinks that it is because of the difference in our upbringing - the kind of thing was always part of his (his Dad was very careful, overly careful perhaps). But my parents were very careful as well. Maybe I am just better in bocoming like parents than he is...

But when we have achieved financial health this may become a point of doscord again. I am never wasting, ever...And I will always want that little bit of security (a cushion of £1 million, me thinks).

Anyway, now I will have breakfast and finish marking. Speak later.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Well Lara you have just made me cry. I think everyone on this thread is wonderful. Life is about meeting people and being there for each other. Last night William D and The Dragon taught me about purple carrots! MSE is so amazing. For a former luddite i am rather enjoying technology.