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Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

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  • savingwannabe
    savingwannabe Posts: 16,619 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    Gilligansyle oh my gosh do keep posting. I enjoy everyone's posts. There is such a sense of community here it is good to feel part of something.

    Firewalker happy, happy anniversary.
    Aiming for a minimal spend 2022
  • Firewalker
    Firewalker Posts: 2,682 Forumite
    Have you ever been so angry that your mouth is dry and you start trembling inside? I have been! I fact, I was that angry and upset today. The silly thing is that it was about work – I have this large project I am leading a coordinating and it is funded by a European funding agency. European funding is not known for its light touch administration; so although the project is very exploratory I have ask for change every time something changes. Add to this that academics have dynamic careers – they move, change etc. Today I learned that a change I asked for in April 2011 has not been processed yet. Nobody is to blame – it is a total and complete systemic failure. But I was fuming…

    This makes me consider two matters. One, I can hear some saying ‘But it is just a job – not worth getting upset and angry about!’. And two, I need to find the time and ways to relax a bit – in all this tiredness I am drifting back into negative emotion; and emotion.

    Is it just a job? Well, for academics it is never just a job. It inevitably becomes personal – critique of our work becomes a criticism of us, administrative demands threaten our creativity. Primadonnas? Not necessarily. Being an academic is one of the very few occupations where distinguishing between what one does and who one is can be problematic; where labour (our effort) and the means of production (our intellect and skills) are one; where ownership is not clear. I can say ‘It is just a job!’ but very seldom and in very extreme circumstances. Not today!

    The negative emotion I was referring to is fear – I find myself fearful again; imagining a string of disasters which as usual will probably never happen. I have nothing to fear – I am just tired. At the same time I have reached a state where it is impossible to rest – I do not remember the last time when I just sat down and relaxed. Any suggestions as to how to do this will be highly appreciated – I will have a go at anything.

    Now is time to watch a bit of Silent Witness – Harry was not killed; there is still something for me in this programme. Not sure how relaxing it is though…

    Firewalker
  • savingwannabe
    savingwannabe Posts: 16,619 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    Firewalker have you considered Yoga? i am sure it has been mentioned on here before. It might help you not to worry about things, a warm bath in nice bubbles is good too. Funny isn't it ? they sound so simple but I can't think of the last time i made time to do either! Enjoy Silent Witness. Good night big hug, sw.
    Aiming for a minimal spend 2022
  • Firewalker wrote: »
    Sometime ago a friend asked me whether I ever run out of things to write here. My answer at the time was ‘Certainly not. There is always something to share, discuss and contemplate.’ But tonight, for a brief moment, I was sitting here, thinking that there is nothing to write about. And this is not because I really have run out of things to say, or that this diary has run its course. But because I am feeling really tired – so tired that that the difficulty is not simply to write, it is hard to hold a though for long enough to register. But this reminded me about something I wanted to write about for some time now and I might as well start. It is about our certainties.

    Our lives are possible because of our certainties – the whole universe of things that we never question. Our lives consist of different kind of certainties. One kind of certainty is when we have so much evidence about something that we cannot but take if for certain. These certainties become received wisdom and it is very important to challenge them over time – anything that is certain today can change tomorrow. This is the way to change the established order.

    Another kind of certainty is the one where we are certain because we do not have enough evidence – so we can’t do more than to assume and believe. This is believe and mysticism. Heaven and hell, future and hopes – all will fit here. These certainties are difficult to examine and they will always be a matter of belief rather than reason.

    Our certainties, irrespective of what kind, are what gives us comfort but they also stop us growing and developing. I want to know what the certainties that stop me growing are. This is what I’ll be figuring out next.

    Good night and keep well.

    Firewalker

    I really enjoyed this post FW, it just simply resonated with me. I often say that life is about the 'Truth' of that particular moment and it is how we respond to that moment, which sparks a series of other moments.. I often ponder on it and will go back to certain moments and wonder if i could have responded differently. If i say "no," then i know it was the right decision, if i say "yes," then i can try and alter my perception of that truth..err does that make sense?
    Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
    Still lurking around with a hope of some salvation:cool:
  • Firewalker
    Firewalker Posts: 2,682 Forumite
    There is good news and there is bad news. I’ll start with the good news tonight. This morning, at 10.17 am to be precise, I e-mailed to my co-authors the bit of the paper which had to be drafted by today lunch time. Felt good and it also is now certain that we will have a !!!!-hot paper submitted before I go away next Thursday. And given that we are offering a powerful critique to the different list of ranked journals circulating in academia, if I manage to get it in what is seen as a ‘top’ journal I will impress myself. And I think I’ll manage to…although I think this journal is really mainstream and boring. But this is life…Have you seen Belle de Jour? This is the film where a good middle-class housewife worked as prostitute during the day. This is what academic life has become…double life.

    The bad news is that all this pressure I have been (working long hours and travelling like mad, mainly) is affecting me and I have been feeling rather ill tonight. In fact, I had to go to bed at 6.30 pm and slept for about an hour. This happened only when I was pregnant long ago – so need to slow down if I am not going to get seriously ill.

    Apart from this I think the universe spoke to me again today, after a long time. I was buying some chocolate in the newsagent’s near the office and was mumbling that ‘this is not good’. The lady there looked at me and said: ‘Don’t say that! It is what you think it is.’ So we had a good discussion about metaphysics, the universe and the law of attraction. She also knew about the other six laws of the universe so we discussed the law of rhythm for good measure as well. And I think that the Universe was reminding me that I am forgetting the first law, namely that all is mentality and that I have been deviating from my spiritual path of discovery.

    And the thought of the day is:

    “Knowledge has three degrees - opinion, science, illumination. The means or instrument of the first is sense; of the second, dialectic; of the third, intuition.” - Plotinus



    Firewalker
  • InaPickle
    InaPickle Posts: 5,968 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    The newsagents over this side of town aren't that well-read.

    I need to start dropping into your local. :)
    Please call me 'Pickle'
    No More Buying Books: ???
    No More Buying DVDs: ???
    NMB Toiletries ??? and I've gone back for my Masters at the University of Use Ups!
    P
    roud to be dealing with her debts 1198~

  • savingwannabe
    savingwannabe Posts: 16,619 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    Rest Firewalker you have worked hard and now you need to gather your strength. Glad you have good company in your shops.
    Aiming for a minimal spend 2022
  • macgirl
    macgirl Posts: 5,091 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Firewalker wrote: »
    At the same time I have reached a state where it is impossible to rest – I do not remember the last time when I just sat down and relaxed. Any suggestions as to how to do this will be highly appreciated – I will have a go at anything.

    I agree that yoga would be good, but perhaps you could try meditation?
    There was a great little free booklet on meditation in the Guardian a few weeks ago. "Mindfulness" is the new buzzword in that field apparently, which seems to be derived from Buddhism.
    For only 10 minutes a day, it's something you could do anywhere and would be a good counterbalance to work and even running. I'm sure you could find a free guide online, or check their website.

    Hope that helps :)
    Just found the link
  • Firewalker
    Firewalker Posts: 2,682 Forumite
    InaPickle wrote: »
    The newsagents over this side of town aren't that well-read.

    I need to start dropping into your local. :)

    Well, this is near the University, you know. She is a beutiful indian lady and she is well read and spiritual. Well worth a visit...

    FW
  • Firewalker
    Firewalker Posts: 2,682 Forumite
    Thanks, Mac. Will explore but sounds very promissing. Funny enough, while you were leaving your message to me I was reading your diary. Consumption! I did manage to stop buying stuff after I did the exercise figuring out my protected needs. Have been wondering whether it might work with food.

    FW
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