How do we prove overnight care?

Loobysaver

My partners ex has and still is causing problems with contact etc. Now she has decided that my partner needs to have the children a lot more (maybe thats because she's got a new boyfriend!)

Now the nights that she wants my partner to have the children take him into the next CSA bracket (104 nights +).

The thing is who's word do the CSA take for this. In the past my partner has phoned the CSA to let them know his overnights have changed and his ex as then told them something else just so her money doesn't go down. The CSA seem to take her word over my partner.

I have started writiing down when my partner has his kids but what else can we do?

Originally when she 1st put the claim in for CSA she told them that my partner only had them once a week when it was in fact 4 nights a fortnight!

Any advice would be great

mitchaa

Be just as difficult and refuse to take them for the 2 nights per week until it is resolved

AnxiousMum

mitchaa wrote: »

Be just as difficult and refuse to take them for the 2 nights per week until it is resolved

REFUSE TO TAKE HIS OWN KIDS???? What absolutely trash advice! That'll make the kids feel really great won't it - refused the right to spend time with a parent?

Do NOT use the kids as pawns in this - it's not their fault their parents split up.

On any of the nights that the kids are with you under the new arrangement - do you take them to school at all? Maybe a letter from the school advising that you take drop them/pick them up so many days per week might help.

This might sound silly - but if she is lying about how much time they spend at yours, maybe you can 'record' bedtime - with a shot of the day's paper, and then the child going to bed or something for a couple of weeks? If she's questioned about those particular weeks, she will be caught out lying? don't know if that would work or not?

Will they accept an affidavit from you both stating what the care situation is?

Do you correspond by email with the custodial parent? Maybe some emails stating 'hey - yep we can pick X and X up at such and such a time - and you'll be picking them up when?', or 'when we have X and X on XXXX days next week, we want to go for a country walk in the woods - can you be sure and send their wellies please?' and have as much to back you up as possible with friendly correspondence......it might take a while, but alot better than sticking the kids in the middle of it all.

missmontana

As Anxious Mum says, you need to get some proof either in writing or via email. not texts, I've been told they don't count for much!!

Blonde_Bint

with respect anxious mum even the paper with the date on isnt good proof doesnt mean that the recording is taking place the same day. no one can prove beyond any doubt how many nights the child did or didnt stay with the NRP. In this case its a nrp word against pwc word.

chriszzz

Loobysaver wrote: »

My partners ex has and still is causing problems with contact etc. Now she has decided that my partner needs to have the children a lot more (maybe thats because she's got a new boyfriend!)

Now the nights that she wants my partner to have the children take him into the next CSA bracket (104 nights +).

The thing is who's word do the CSA take for this. In the past my partner has phoned the CSA to let them know his overnights have changed and his ex as then told them something else just so her money doesn't go down. The CSA seem to take her word over my partner.

I have started writiing down when my partner has his kids but what else can we do?

Originally when she 1st put the claim in for CSA she told them that my partner only had them once a week when it was in fact 4 nights a fortnight!

Any advice would be great

Loobysaver, there are many NRPs who have the same problem, its unlawful to be giving false information and how some get away with it is beyond me! It seems wrong that the PWC can make these demands on the NRP and yet deny that they stay overnight which will take them into reduction of child support, this is were it is an unfair and biased system that we have .

Its great that your partner gets to see the children reguarly but it comes with a downside, the PWC wants their cake and eat it and knows basically that they have the power to be unfair.

I Hope that you, your partner and the children dont let the PWC cloud your relationship with you all. If PWC is decent then they should do the right thing and let the CSA know how many nights the children are with you and your partner.

PlayingHardball

In this case, it is the PWC asking the nrp to have more access. Is the PWC saying she won't admit this to the CSA in order to have her CSA remain the same? OP hasn't made that clear.

daska

DS1s dad and I used to use an excel spreadsheet to mark exactly when/where DS1 would be overnight (and no, it wasn't amicable in the slightest!) so I think I might try a letter, not formal, just a "sorry, I've got myself all confused, could you confirm exactly which nights you're wanting the kids to stay here and which with you?" Hopefully you'll get it back in writing from her.

chriszzz

PlayingHardball wrote: »

In this case, it is the PWC asking the nrp to have more access. Is the PWC saying she won't admit this to the CSA in order to have her CSA remain the same? OP hasn't made that clear.

How do we prove overnight care? My partners ex has and still is causing problems with contact etc. Now she has decided that my partner needs to have the children a lot more (maybe thats because she's got a new boyfriend!)I dont think the PWC is asking the NRP, PWC has decided that NRP needs to have more access, doesnt seem like a three way decision,PWC, NRP and children, It comes across that there has only been one decision.

Now the nights that she wants my partner to have the children take him into the next CSA bracket (104 nights +).

The thing is who's word do the CSA take for this. In the past my partner has phoned the CSA to let them know his overnights have changed and his ex as then told them something else just so her money doesn't go down. The CSA seem to take her word over my partner. The OP has in the past had problems with the PWC denying that the children stay at NRPS due to reduced child support.

I have started writiing down when my partner has his kids but what else can we do?

Originally when she 1st put the claim in for CSA she told them that my partner only had them once a week when it was in fact 4 nights a fortnight!

Any advice would be great

Its obvious that the OP is concerned that the PWC will not herself inform the CSA that the children are spending x amount of overnight stays at the NRPs and thats bcause of past history with the PWC.

Loobysaver its only fair that the PWC should inform CSA that the children spending x amount of time at NRPs, at the end of the day the NRP will need funds to take care of the children when they are spending time with you both.
I hope PWC comes good and does the honest thing.

mitchaa

AnxiousMum wrote: »

REFUSE TO TAKE HIS OWN KIDS???? What absolutely trash advice! That'll make the kids feel really great won't it - refused the right to spend time with a parent?

Do NOT use the kids as pawns in this - it's not their fault their parents split up.

Not at all.

It's the only way you get 'these people' to see sense. What other option is there? It's NRP word vs PWC word and the CSA are always going to side with the PWC.

There is no harm in spending the day with the children and then dropping them off at night. The NRP for example could pick them up saturday morning, keep them saturday night, all day sunday and then drop them off sunday night.

That is 2 full days in my eyes but just 1 night. I guess what happens though is that he picks them up friday night, and keeps them until sunday mid day so although keeping 2 nights, less time is spent with the children as its only 1 full day.

That's the way I would play it. Instead of taking them friday night, take them saturday morning. No difference really as by the time they finish school and have their tea on a friday the day is over and they are just ready for bed anyway.

Fire with fire. You've got to make it inconvenient for her if she is making it inconvenient for you, otherwise this will carry on indefinitely.

Loobysaver

mitchaa wrote: »

Not at all.

It's the only way you get 'these people' to see sense. What other option is there? It's NRP word vs PWC word and the CSA are always going to side with the PWC.

There is no harm in spending the day with the children and then dropping them off at night. The NRP for example could pick them up saturday morning, keep them saturday night, all day sunday and then drop them off sunday night.

That is 2 full days in my eyes but just 1 night. I guess what happens though is that he picks them up friday night, and keeps them until sunday mid day so although keeping 2 nights, less time is spent with the children as its only 1 full day.

That's the way I would play it. Instead of taking them friday night, take them saturday morning. No difference really as by the time they finish school and have their tea on a friday the day is over and they are just ready for bed anyway.

Fire with fire. You've got to make it inconvenient for her if she is making it inconvenient for you, otherwise this will carry on indefinitely.

OH's ex doesn't give us any say in the matter with overnights she just decides and if we don't agree she says "tough s**t" Once we wouldn't pick one of the kids up when she wanted us to as we were having a meal and a drink, she stropped and dumped the poor child on our doorstep and drove off!! If for arguments sake we make arrangement to say drop them off to her Saturday night she will text during the day and say I've gone out you'll have to keep them and take them to school monday am!

OH isn't shirking his responsibilities but its all one-sided and we can never make plans without them being ruined.