Will I ever get over this?

miss_spooky

Hi GFB,

I can't say anymore than what the others have already said regarding the depression but only to add that life does throw things at us to try.

I bet most of us on here didn't even know what BR was when we left school with our high ambitions of being married by the time we're 30, having our little house with it's white picket fence & 2.4 children running round sweetly, well paid easy job and lots of money... I know I did & my near breakdown came on my 30th birthday after I'd split with my exh and was living back with my aunt - my mum had no room & b&s were still living at home..

I couldn't believe that all I'd dreamt about had gone and I was looking at divorce and living with my family for the imminent future.

What (or who) pulled me through was my aunts friend who ironically had just come out of psyciatric unit after trying to commit suicide. She said that the first and the most hardest thing to do is to accept what has happened. It has happened due to a chain of events that once started you had no control over. Like dominoes, one goes you lose the lot.

That's how I view things now. I can't change or stop everything and some things will happen regardless. These are the things that you have to let take their course or it will kill you trying.

I don't look for answers or reason as to why anymore, at these times I just put my hands up and think "Hey ho, what the hell"!

I hope that you do get the help and support you need.

Good luck

money_penny_26

hi there not been here for a while,i do hope you are feeling better in the fact you have told us of your feelings..i dont think you are telling most of us anything we have not experienced ourselves.i was a happy go lucky person always liking a laugh,an a good circle of friends.when this happened to my hubby an me it was a shock as to how we had got in this state,after a lot of soul searching an coming to this forum,we decided to go bankrupt.when we came out of court my hubby was pleased said it was a relief.i was glad it was over.however i never felt that sense of letting go of it all,an having all the worry of the leading up to court an o.r.now 6 months on i feel better an less depressed.i think one of the scars it leaves you with ,is knowing how quickly finances can get out of hand.we have been together 35 years,an it feels like when we were young getting our family home together an worrying about how to manage.we live day to day now,i think thats what depressed me at first,learning how to copper up again as we did in those days.not been able to go off with friends on hols or days out.we have to save our money,the no credit card has been an eye opener though,an learning not to go to supermarket an throw in what ya want!!i find i worry about our son who is living with his girlfriend,i find myself having a peep at his statements,an worrying myself about his money.even though i think he is fine.so i have found it hard to cope.on a more positive side to all this ramble..it has taught me the value of good friends,an also to know that my marriage can survive under extreme circumstances.we laugh now at little things like going to the petrol station an putting a fiver of petrol in.to go see my son,all dressed up in my finery,cos o.r.cant take your clothes....an pretending to the man behind the counter i have forgotten my purse,i will just have a fiver petrol for now.or the best one having to pretend we dont like a big christmas dinner becauce we get heartburn,when asked by friends to go out for our christmas meal to a posh resteraunt,we usually never miss.so you have to have a sense of humor,it will help you through it,i wish you well an better happier days to come. xx

alastairq

Hi.....declaring BR really wasn't the 'first step'......actually deciding on a course of action to resolve the problem of insurmountable debt was!

BR , for me, was seen as the culmination of actions intended to deal with the real problem..the debt.

I cannot view BR as my personal failure........getting into debt in the first instance was....allowing myself to be lulled into that false sense of security our society,and the finance industry, wanted me in...that was my failure.....believing I could solve the issues...if only....that was my failure.......not being able to see into the future..that too, was my failure....since remedied...in part, by going BR.

BR is really a symbol of my success....my ability to conquer that personal sense of failure which had dogged me previously.

BR really is an opportunity to start afresh..and should be seen as such, despite what others may think.

It is the proverbial 'deep breath' that one needs.

It will be the first positive move [after the ''decision']....that we make.

[there can never be anything negative about BR]

so positive thinking is the order of the day.


for sure, lifestyle changes will occur....but.....think of what might have been, without BR?


and would life have really been ''any better?''

beingfrugal

I do like your post Alastair.

I've spoken before (MicheH) how I have changed because of bankruptcy. Changed for the better, nicer person. It forces upon you to change but some how that change is right and proper. As you suggest Alastair, looking back to the person I was before BR, before debt 'problem', in my teens, I really really dislike. I much prefer the changed Miche.

It is all about postivie thinking, we have to be proactive and do whatever we can or want at that time to conquor the negativities... I'm always trying new things to rid myself of this silly 'brain beating!'

lilibet1

I think that this thread is showing that lots of us suffer with doubts but each post shows that we can all support each other which is lovely.

x

angiebhfx

Depression is an illness. When people have broken a leg or have heart problems, the flu or a cough most wouldn't think twice about going to the doctor, the same must apply to mental illness. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately Mental Health problems have a stigma, but if you never suffer from it yourself I bet each and everyone of us knows someone who has.

Get the help you need, be it A/D's or counselling. I myself am a massive fan of Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

There are a couple of books I could recommend if you want me to PM you.

Just think of depression as your minds way of letting you know that you NEED to make a change and you're already part way there.

Get better soon
x

lilibet1

So true Angie. I wish that people would realise that depression is a illness, just like a broken arm - and you wouldnt suffer with a broken arm without help would you?

x

angiebhfx

The most important things I have learnt from being a long term sufferer of depression is:

Guilt and worry are a waste of time, learn by your mistakes and move forward
Always look for the positives
Don't look back once a lesson is learned
And most important of all don't be too hard on yourself, your only human after all.

Make the most of your life

WRINKLES

you should not worry about owing people money its them that should be worried as they say time heals all the best way to deal with stress or depression is first see your doctor you can not deal with this by yourself also find a friend who realyly is a friend and talk about your problems untill you are sick of talking about them you need a good listener for this cry stamp your feet and gradualy you will lift yourself out of this you can not handle this by yourself best of luck

So_Sad_Angel

[QUOTE=beingfrugal;31461387I much prefer the changed Miche.

It is all about postivie thinking, we have to be proactive and do whatever we can or want at that time to conquor the negativities... I'm always trying new things to rid myself of this silly 'brain beating!'[/QUOTE]

Miche!!! :j:j hiya Sweetie:wave: