Preventing worsening debt

rchddap1

A mortgage link would still link you to his debts and his credit file.

Careful_girl

He can't pay rent if he doesn't have a job.
The house will be mortgaged in joint names. Obviously if split this will be changed.
So people think that I am responsible for his credit card when I am married to him. It is paid from his account. We have separate accounts and a joint ones. I didn't think i was responsible for his accounts and cards.
CG.

lynzpower

Is the crux of the matter that he wont take any old job. He has used his pension which, I wouldnt have been too happy about either.

Credit card cheques make me :eek: jeez, i even told oH off for considering buying something v small on 0% CC, so i know what you mean there too.

I wouldnt leave my OH either, but something has to give.

What does he see as happening? Has he given himself any time limits- or have you? ie, we wont be able to do XYZ if you are not working by XXX,
Yesterday I faced the reality that we wont be able to pay the mortgage next month, unless OH gets his !!!!!! together, literally as soon as we get back from our time away. Would this sort of approach help? or can you afford all the outgoings yourself, including his potentially increasing credit card bills?

Do you both know financially how and where you stand?

rchddap1

If its his name solely on the debts then its his responsibility to pay. But if you have joint accounts....his bad debts can be brought up and taken into account if you apply for credit

Careful_girl

Hey Lynz, and all,
I have tried everything. He is very unhappy and very upset. I cannot change the world for him though. This is reality and it is time he woke up and smelt the coffee. I am considering getting a second job to help out my first. He as I say is applying for the permanent jobs. I admire him for this. As I say I only need £50 a week to make it balance. I don't even mind going overdrawn a bit. 5 months would be £1000. But I am not someone who takes debt lightly. Like you say how bad does it have to get? At what point does he get a job. If I allow him any access to my money or any credit allowances I am not helping him. I need the financial insitutions to say "No sorry mate get a job".
I think I will remove my name from anything joint. Any other ideas? He needs to go on here but won't. All part of the burying his head in the sand.
I really appreciate you all commenting.
Hope you are Ok Lynz.
CG.

rchddap1

You can't force someone to have their 'lightbulb moment' (usual phrase for the even around here). They will have it when they are ready. However, one of the worst things to do is to help them financially, as they can then deny to themselves what's happening.

Just be there for him, and if / when he asks for help point him at us (and preferably a job)

kwisstan

I feel for you in your situation, but think you are doing the right thing, even if you don't leave him it will make the recovery easier?

Another thought, maybe if you just tell him you are removing your name from the joint finances it will get him to take stock?

lynzpower

Careful_girl wrote:

Hey Lynz, and all,
I have tried everything. He is very unhappy and very upset. I cannot change the world for him though. This is reality and it is time he woke up and smelt the coffee. I am considering getting a second job to help out my first. He as I say is applying for the permanent jobs. I admire him for this. As I say I only need £50 a week to make it balance. I don't even mind going overdrawn a bit. 5 months would be £1000. But I am not someone who takes debt lightly. Like you say how bad does it have to get? At what point does he get a job. If I allow him any access to my money or any credit allowances I am not helping him. I need the financial insitutions to say "No sorry mate get a job".
I think I will remove my name from anything joint. Any other ideas? He needs to go on here but won't. All part of the burying his head in the sand.
I really appreciate you all commenting.
Hope you are Ok Lynz.
CG.

thanks love Im ok, hot still, but getting there.

Sit down and do another SOA with him. Incidentally, who pays his CCs now? You or has he used his pension/savings to do it? Ask him how he intends to pay this, as clearly you cant afford to meet these payments. I would be very resistant to take on a second job so you can balance the books solo. It just doenst make sense.

Is it that he doesnt want a crap job on his CV? He doenst have to say where hes worked on CVs, he can pretend it never happened if hes temping. ( ive done it )

Has he joined any specific management agencies?

ZTD

Careful_girl wrote:

But I am not someone who takes debt lightly. Like you say how bad does it have to get? At what point does he get a job. If I allow him any access to my money or any credit allowances I am not helping him. I need the financial insitutions to say "No sorry mate get a job".

First question: have you told his banks/creditors that he is unemployed? That would restrict his ability to get credit/into debt reasonably well. They are not going to say "get a job" if they think he has a job.

Careful_girl wrote:

I think I will remove my name from anything joint. Any other ideas?

What do you use the joint stuff for? If it is just as a dumping ground for joint costs before they are DD'd out, it is possible to go from where either of you can operate the account to where it needs both your signatures to operate. This is ok for the mortgage, but not ok for the food shopping.

So long as you have a joint mortage, you will have joint affairs. That's not a recommendation to stop having a joint mortgage, but more of a caution in terms of what getting rid of the joint accounts will achieve.

Finally - although you say this is not about your relationship - it is. But that is something for you two to sort out.

Good luck.

Careful_girl

Thanks again guys.
I agree. I want to help him grow up. He never had a job as a teenager. When he had no car that worked his dad bought one for him. I bought the next. Everyone is so kind to him and he will get a job in his career. He just thinks he is above the temporary job. He would probably enjoy having a temp job. He loves gardening. He expects everyone to look after him. I have worked at all sorts of things. If it was me making him move out of his palace he would physically put me behind the till at Tesco. I don't mind losing the house. I will pay for everything I can. I have not complained about no luxuries. This is my 6 weeks off. I can't afford to see my friends. Nothing. He does nothing in the house at any time (sorry he does the ironing). He just complains about there being no change in the job situation or about me.
CG.:beer: