Calling any divorced dads out there....

Legacy_user

My brother has just found out that his wife has been having an affair for quite a while. They have 2 children and my brother thought he had a normal loving family and marriage.

Having been to a solicitor for advice he has been dismayed to be told that he may only get 40% of their assets if she has custody of the children. My brother dotes on his kids but realistically with his job it would be very difficult for him to have them full time although he would be fighting to have them stay at least 2 or 3 nights per week.

Since this has come totally out of the blue and my sister-in-law has admitted to the adultery I find it very unfair that he could end up with less to get a home for himself with room enough for the kids to stay over.

Has anyone been through this and come out the other side unscathed and is the 60:40 split just a worst case scenario. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend are both bank officials and would benefit from more beneficial mortgage rates so are obviously in a better financial position than my brother.

Please if anyone can give advice I'd be grateful.

Lady_S

They don't take fault into account when they are coming up with divorce settlements. Sorry about that.

What I would say is it always starts from 50/50 and then you work from that point depending on circumstances.

ben500

Pam17 wrote:

My brother has just found out that his wife has been having an affair for quite a while. They have 2 children and my brother thought he had a normal loving family and marriage.

Having been to a solicitor for advice he has been dismayed to be told that he may only get 40% of their assets if she has custody of the children. My brother dotes on his kids but realistically with his job it would be very difficult for him to have them full time although he would be fighting to have them stay at least 2 or 3 nights per week.

Since this has come totally out of the blue and my sister-in-law has admitted to the adultery I find it very unfair that he could end up with less to get a home for himself with room enough for the kids to stay over.

Has anyone been through this and come out the other side unscathed and is the 60:40 split just a worst case scenario. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend are both bank officials and would benefit from more beneficial mortgage rates so are obviously in a better financial position than my brother.

Please if anyone can give advice I'd be grateful.

The blunt truth is 60/40 is better than most get and I think the solicitor is being a bit optimistic, its most likely to be 60/40 AFTER her needs to raise the children are taken into account, ie she will need the furniture and most of the contents of the household in order to maintain the childrens current standards but anything she doesn't NEED will be distributed 60/40, sorry life is sh*t for the father but does get better later on after the screws have been turned off when the come out of school the other side.

wigginsmum

If at all possible, try to keep it amicable. DH's first wife slept around and eventually told him she'd found someone else. They sold the house, splitting the proceeds 50/50, and she moved into rented accommodation with the kids before buying her own place.

seven-day-weekend

I understand they don't take fault into it, because it's the children who have to be thought of, but it doesn't seem right that she should have the marital home and all its contents while what used to be called the innocent party gets s*d all and has to live in a bedsit (while forking out huge sums of money to keep his ex in the manner to which she will become accustomed). I know the home and money are for the children, but there should be some sort of law that says she shouldn't profit from it or have more than her share.

Sorry, off soapbox now....will slink back into corner....

System

I understand that the kids needs are paramount and my brother would never avoid paying maintenance. Surely the fact that when the dust has settled she will be living in a house worth considerably more than her current one will be taken into consideration and my brother allowed at least 50% to enable him to buy suitable accommodation on his own for when the kids stay over.

At the moment my brother is really fearfull that the kids will be used as pawns and she will make access difficult if he doesn't bend to her wishes.

middleman_2

Just wait till she gets the CSA involved. That's when the problems really start!

ben500

Pam17 wrote:

I understand that the kids needs are paramount and my brother would never avoid paying maintenance. Surely the fact that when the dust has settled she will be living in a house worth considerably more than her current one will be taken into consideration and my brother allowed at least 50% to enable him to buy suitable accommodation on his own for when the kids stay over.

At the moment my brother is really fearfull that the kids will be used as pawns and she will make access difficult if he doesn't bend to her wishes.

Sadly no account is given to the fact that your brother may wish to have visitation rights financially or otherwise. I don't want to seem all doom and gloom but that is actually the way it is. The csa will make an allowance only if the children spend four or more nights a week with him but they are out the window now so that may change but I doubt little esle will, he is going to get screwed and he is probably going to have to endure a lot of sh*t in order to maintain contact with his children, there is good reason why fathers for justice exists, that having been said I did it and am glad. However, I would have much preferred to bung her a few grand and walk away with the kids.

rainingmud

been through this situation twice now.All i can say is keep it amicable and go for the 50/50.things will be nasty one minute and then calm down for a while.When the nasty parts come take a step back and dont make rash discisions or threatening comments things just go deeper
.
I found the new csa system this time round to be much more fair.you pay 15% for one and 20% for two after tax ,national ins and pension.Plus the rates reduced the more times you have the kids but this is a wierd one as you need to monitor this over a period the csa doesnt do this for you.

Divorce is nasty and thats for sure but there is a life and hope on the other side of it so tell your brother to keep his chin up.

hope this helps
pm me if you need any other info

System

Thanks for the advice it really seems so unfair. 50:50 sounded ok to me and I can work out what he has to pay maintenance wise because I worked briefly for the CSA.

Does anyone know if he will be required to pay spousal maintenance for her? She works part time but the kids are old enough now for her to go back full time and she has the support of her parents already when it comes to dropping the kids to school and picking them up again. My brother works for an aircraft factory which always seems to be laying people off so he's worried about that too.

hankc35

I wonder how he will handle it if she ends up with the guy she had the affair with and that guy becomes "new daddy" to the kids.