advice needed 5 months married and he walked out

lindsey_toffee_girl

Hi All I apologise if this gets long, I was with my partner for 12 years we got married in august and at the end of Janauary he walked out.

Its all a bit strange, this all began as I couldnt pick him up in the snow and he had to stay at his Mums, his car broke then the tumble dryer lap top and the telly. Obviously it was all my fault.
On the night it happened he said he needed to go to his Mums cos he couldnt stay that night, he tried to take my car to go in, I stopped him from doing that.
The next day he rang me and I asked when he was coming back he said never, he gave no real reason as to why he left, he said he loved me but couldnt be with me.
One of my family members seen him out with a girl on valentines day, in costcol, this really upset me as we had our honeymoon booked we were meant to be in New York while he was out with her, I still didnt ring him as I thought that is what he would have expected, me kicking off.
Then I had no contact for a month, I finally gave in and rang his Mum, he has no mobile phone, I had a huge row with her which resulted in him ringing me up and basically telling me it was all my fault that he had left and I was selfish and didnt care for him. He said the girl he was with was his mates girlfriend as his friend was buying a TV, how convienent!
He said he would ring me the next day and that was 5 weeks ago!

We have a house together and now we are married and I dont know what to do,I dont want him back after the way he has treated me but I do need to speak to him,, but that will mean agian having to go thorugh his Mum, who hates me!
I want him to sign over the house to me, not sure if he will though, so this is making me feel sick as of the uncerainty. I cant really afford the house on my own till september, so everyone is telling me to try and hold out until then. He has paid the last two months mortgage and money though I am worried that he will just stop it I dont understand how a person can do this, walk away like they never knew you!
Also I really want to divorce him do I know have to wait 2 years.
I feel like I will never feel any better than now I am so down all the time and dont know how to snap out of it.
Again sorry if this is long, it just feels good to get it off my chest, thanks for reading any advice is greatly appreciated.

Alexl_2

Hi there,
I really think you need to figure out a way to talk to each other - a letter, email, leave a message with his mum to meet you somewhere so you can talk this through.
If you do want a divorce you, cannot get a divorce in the first year of marriage, although you can prepare all the paperwork to file in August. Please think long and hard before you start that process.
In terms of the house, assuming the mortgage is in both names, if he stops paying his share it will have just as much implications for him as you - you are both jointly liable for this.
Do you have any equity in the proprty (I'm guessing not if you only bought when you married last year). Its not as simple as him signing it over to you, even if he agrees to this the mortgage company may not - they have to agree if they are prepared to change the terms to lend all that money to you when the application approved would have been based on all your salaries.
I think you have a lot to think about, perhaps try and get a free solicitor consultation to understand your position better. Sounds like there is also some growing up to do - walking away from a marriage is not that simple and he can't just ignore you.

lindsey_toffee_girl

Thanks for your response, I have tried to get him to speak to me he wont, he hasnt returned my calls and his mum doesnt help, she hates me as he is an only child with no dad so when he went running back to her she loved it and wrote as much on her facebook page!

Alexl_2

Go round there?

Gingham_Ribbon

lindsey_toffee_girl wrote: »

Thanks for your response, I have tried to get him to speak to me he wont, he hasnt returned my calls and his mum doesnt help, she hates me as he is an only child with no dad so when he went running back to her she loved it and wrote as much on her facebook page!

I'm so sorry for your situation. I can't help adding - what the heck is WRONG with this family?! Maybe you're in the middle of a very lucky escape.

BitterAndTwisted

If he won't respond to your phone calls I'd be tempted to write him a letter. Just stick to the facts rather than focussing on emotional issues. Promise that you won't give him a hard time even though your heart is broken and then propose a meeting in a public place in order to discuss practical issues.

He sounds like a big baby running back to Mummy and you just might have had a lucky escape but you do need to sort out the issue of the property and his possessions quite soon

MissMotivation

As much as it probably hurts like hell at the moment, it sounds as if you've had a lucky escape! If he runs off over something as trivial as you have described you have to ask yourself what would happen when things get tough!

As for his Mum, well, Mother-In-law from hell springs to mind! Write him a letter saying that you want to talk to him about a divorce/signing the house over, try not to get emotional, just stick to the facts. Take control now and don't let it drag out.

I seriously don't know how you've waited this long to speak to him, you've got far more patience that I have.

deedee71

I would actually get a lawyer to send the letter, keep it business like. Doesn't need to mention divorce, only that you need financial matters sorted out.

He is paying the mortgage for now? Is it in joint names?

pigpen

you can divorce him now.. adultery with 'unknown female'.. he was seen out in v day after all! Or unreasonable behavior.. he sounds pretty unreasonable to me!!

You need to go see a solicitor and get things sorted.. if you do not qualify for legal aid you can have half an hour free.. just take advantage and go see a few with different questions and see what you options regarding the house etc are!

Sublime_2

Hope you get this sorted out soon.

Try to stay focused on whats important ie; the house, finances, etc. You'll get there.

Chinkle

I'm not surprised you are so confused and uncertain about the future. It sounds like he's possibly made a snap decision to leave and is now not sure what to do. Did you get on with his mother previously? If so, maybe he's spun her a story.

I think you need to get a simple message to him by letter/email/via his mother simply to say "if you have made a decision to end this marriage, we need to meet to get some practical things sorted out". Do check out all your rights (there's lots of help available here) about what you're entitled to. While this won't deal with all the emotional baggage left behind hopefully it will help you to move forward getting your life together.

I hope you being the "bigger person" and taking the necessary steps to move on will make him ashamed of what a coward he has been running off like this.