Small Wedding...

natc

Hello!

I have put a thread on elsewhere before about his when we first got engaged in Sept last yr. My immediate panicky thoughts were about my "dad" giving me away. I feel my step dad has earned this more than my real dad, but didnt want to cause upset in my "dads" family, and although hes not been much of a dad, i didnt want to upset him either. (I am rather stupid, everyone always says i shouldnt care after the way he is!)

So, thats my first worry. And I feel that the more i think about organising the wedding, the more i get flustered about it. All the arrangements and faffing, and what kind of centre pieces will we have , what the invitations should look like etc, just doesnt seem important! Ive spoken to my oh about this, and he is feeling the same, he actually has panick attacks when he has to talk in front of ppl. He is the most easiest person to get on with and is usually the one telling the jokes and having a laf, but he really does panick about talking in front of ppl when its something important, and his first panick/worry when we first got engaged was that he didnt want us to do any speeches, but agreed to stand up together and thank ppl, only a few words.

So from all this we decided we didnt want a big wedding as such, a big fancy sit down meal just isnt us, but we both wanted to get married in a church and then just have a lil do afterwards. ( suits us as we cant afford a big do anyway!!!) We havent actually set a date yet, but have said May 2011, and havent booked any venue/church yet, although the church we go to would easy fit us in whenever we wanted to get married.

What im trying to say is, is it ok to not want a big flashy wedding? I dont want to look back and regret it. Has anyone else had a small wedding who has not regretted it? Or someone who does regret it?!! We drove passed the registry office in town and i joked "shall we just run in there now and get married?!" my oh said that the more he thinks of it, the more he just wants to get married, very small and then buger off on honeymoon!

I know that i would like a wedding dress, i think id regret that if i didnt, and to get married in church. And have my neice and his nephew as bridesmaid and page boy, but other than that, im not fussed! ANd im just not sure if thats how i should be feeling....? I know that i love my oh to death and im sure even if i was with the richest man on earth, i wouldnt want a big flashy wedding!

bubbles0169

of course its ok!! you have what you want, you shouldnt give in to peer pressure, thats not the way too feel it should be however you and H2B feel most comfortable doing
i wish i wanted a small do itd be sooo much easier lol
in the future if you do regret not having a big one you can always renew your vows in a white wedding type way x

NEH

Of course it's ok.

One thing my hsuband and I agreed on when we got engaged was that we didn't want a lot of people there and we didn't want a big song and dance. The day was going to be about us and our commitment and having close family there to share it with.

We didn't have the finances for a big do but even if we did we felt that spending several thousands on one day was throwing it away and we would rather put it towards something more solid and invest in our future together such as a mortgage or a bigger place.

We got married in Italy last year, with 11 guests. Husband's Best man and his wife came and so did his business colleague and his wife, the rest was family.

We did away with a lot of traditions. We had speeches but we had them in the garden with people just milling around with a drink and some antipasto so that it wasn't too formal and we then had a meal in the garden at one big table and it was relaxed and people just chatted whilst enjoying gorgeous food, whilst also watching the fireflies dart across the night sky.

It was beautiful and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

natc

LOL i know bubbles, youre right. Thank you There isnt really any peer pressure, the whole of my family and friends have said do it your way. But i just keep thinking are they just saying that?!! And will i regret it?

As for my "dad", i was on holiday when my oh proposed to me (it was beautiful! In the blue lagoon in turkey, olu deniz ), i rang my mum and step dad, told them, they were over the moon! My oh rang his dad and told him, he was also over the moon! I rang my dad, i was sooo excited when i told him, he just said, oh right, thats nice. He sounded soooo miserable, didnt wanna know, asked me how the hol was going - i didnt care! My boyf had just asked me to marry him and my own dad wasnt even bothered! i cried, and he had spoiled my day. One of the most happiest days of my life. It was lovley, apart from that. My oh wanted to kill him!!! I dont really see my dad, but i spoke to him on the phone a couple of months ago and he asked about wedding plans. Told him i wasnt sure what we wanted to do yet. He said, well you cant just do what you want, youve gotta think about other people aswell!!!! he said you couldnt just go off to scotland and get married!!! I said, hang on, youre the only person who has said this to me, everyone else has said do what you want, its your day - but oh no - not my dad!!!

What are you doing for your day bubbles? And actually, i think its harder having a small wedding but trying to have ait special - we havent booked anything yet because we have no idea what we wanna do!

Cat72

Yes of course a small wedding is fine- its your day.
I am having a small wedding- as my family are all dead and my OH and I are introverts.
The idea of a large wedding would give me a panic attack !
A lot of people have said to me smaller weddings are nicer, as its more intimate and you can spend mre time talking to people. Although my friend has told me that basically you are unaware of others around you- and that includes family feuds!

It sounds like you are stressing a lot but it will be fine. Its actualy only one day in your whole lifes.
First just take things one step at a time- the centre piece really isnt the top priorites .
First find a venue- I would suggest finding a venue that does a lot of things for you and is very experienced.Mine are providing the flowers, cake stand etc and it takes a lot of pressure from me. The idea of running around on my wedding day putting flowers out ,setting tables fills me with dread.

So just make it easy on yourself. One step at a time- find venue , book church and the rt will fall into place. Their is so much help on here that you are not alone.

As for the problem of giving you away- you have to do what you want. If your real dad cares about you he would respect your wishes. He should also understand why if he has let you down and treated you badily. If he doesnt he is still a louse and selfish.
People that really care understand- and soon you will have your own family.
I know its hard but put yourself first and stick by whatever descion you make. Good luck x

bubbles0169

well your dad needs to just jog on and do one!!
you can do what you want on your day and to say otherwise is ridculous
now if you were closeer then maybe he could have a little say in it then ok but thats different!

what am i doing? weeell!!
i know its on 29/09/2012
ill be wearing a big dress(cheap but not tacky!) and have 5 bridesmaids(cocktail dresses off the high st or ebay!)
the wedding colours are pale gold and ivory/cream
ill have minimalist or no centrepieces as the venue will hopefully be pretty enough if i do theyll be something i can use at home after so i dont give anything away, this is MSE after all lol
ill be making heart shaped cookies with our initials on as favours
i dont know where it will be though but i would love a stately home type place as the venue for the ceremony/breakfast/night do-which will be a hog roast
and all of this has got to come under £8000!!
therel be 68 guests at the ceremony and 140 at night
jeez what AM i doing lol

and what a way to be proposed to that is sooo romantic!

natc

NEH, that sounds absolutely perfect to me And that is also how we feel, i would rather spend the money on an experience like a special honeymoon, a big once in a life time trip, or just doing house improvemments etc.

I just didnt want to regret having a tiny, non traditional wedding. BNut that is what we want, and that is what we shall have! Well, think we may still marry in church, but then not have it as formal.

Its funny because your wedding NEH sounds so lovely, and reminded me of when OH propsed to me. I was talking to him about this a couple of days ago when trying to talk to him about organising the wedding! ( i know we're planning to get married in May next year , but i can see that things get booked pretty quick!) I just said to him, when he proposed, we were in the blue lagoon, and there were quite a few people in the water and on the beach, but when he got down on his knee in the water, and proposed, it felt like there was a bubble around us and just me and him there, as if that was all that mattered. I want my wedding to be like that!!!

natc

Thanks cat72, you are right too! I dont know why im panicking!!! And yes, ive come to realise that my dad is selfish, just taken 26 yrs to realise this fact!!!

natc

bubbles0169 wrote: »

well your dad needs to just jog on and do one!!

PMSL brilliant!

natc

Mmmm yes a stately home would be nice, but too big for i think as id only like few guests there! Ideally, id like it to be just me and OH!!!!

natc

and do you think were leaving it a bit late for booking? I think what we need to do is absolutely determine what we wanna do, we cant book anything if we dont know what were doing can we LOL!!!