Am I overreacting?

CLAPTON

as far as the OH's business is concerned maybe you should consider trying to agree a definite time limit on the business making sufficient income or OH getting a permanent job...if he's not willing ever to consider a permanent job and the business doesnot work, what future can you possibly have.
I know lots of people how have started small businesses but they have mostly been very flexible and been prepard to move from permanent jobs, or part time jobs to self employment as circumstances determine.

about your situation....if the worst comes to the worst and you do need to sell the house and go your own way, you're young and you have a job, i'm sure there is a way to solve the accommodation problem without going home to mum..sure you would have to save for a deposit and that would delay your DFD but that would be better than giving up a well paid job

loopyloulou_3

i am going to try and talk to him about it all. its hard tho, it always gets so heated.

i need some sort of idea that he is aware that it is a problem (whether he is doing a good job of hiding it) and is prepared to do something about it. Having a deadline I think is a good idea both for the business and for me personally.

All the time he is paying the minimum payments we are ok with regards to bankruptcy, this is the last thing he would ever want to happen and i know he wouldnt go down this route without speaking to me first.

so my DFD is my personal deadline to see where things are going. i just need to work out when this will be now.

As for the business, i think 6 months from now is a fair amount of time to see where the land lies with his business. I am going to speak to him, I just need some stability and security.

and I cant spend any more sleepless nights worrying about his problems and feeling tearful at work.

lynzpower

Lou,

You are running the risk here of closing off your options, people do this when they feel desperate, it confirms that they have few options and the cycle spirals.

there are plenty of places you could live without a deposit. I have a spare room for a start ( this isnt advertising- mods - honest)

shelter might give you a deposit on an interest free loan type thing

Im not saying any of these things are right for you, but please, dont say things arent possible when they may well be the opposite.

ZTD

The usual disclaimers: you are free to ignore this etc...

I don't expect you to neccesarily give an answer in this forum - or even to me - but I do expect you to give yourself honest an complete answers.

loopyloulou wrote:

My OH has much more (nearer £80k) all unsecured (£25k loan in parents name, 2 other loans and CCs.) He lost his job and contacted all his loans and CCs and made arrangements with them to freeze interest and make minimum payments. He is self employed and makes enough to cover these smaller payments.

What else does he pay with this? Does he pay his way in terms of mortgage/bills etc?

loopyloulou wrote:

It bothers me when he spends money (on anything!) like going out etc, as he says "I still need to have a life". I disagree! I think it is far more important to sacrifice things in the short term to have a better future. He just thinks I am old before my time and boring!!

To be honest - it should be the other way round. People who are starting their own business, marry the business. He should be spending so much time on his work that he could be having an affair. Or even two of them... :eek: Instead he is "having a life". He isn't serious about this business IMHO.

loopyloulou wrote:

We both own our house (165k mortgage on interest only until next July) with next to no equity.

This is worse than renting.

loopyloulou wrote:

when I am debt free I want to be able to do things, like go on holiday (after saving for it!!) and get married, have kids, all the things that I will never be prepared to do with a huge amount of debt over my head, regardless of whose name it is in. I just dunno if I should cut my losses now and start over, or wait around for him to get his act together.

Well here are the harder questions...

Do you love him? Truly madly deeply?
Do you dream of having his kids - or just loopyloulou's?

loopyloulou wrote:

My OH cant see why I worry so much about it, it is his debt in his name and not my concern.

Start separating your finances. If he expresses concern - merely point out that since he is insisting on his finances not being your concern, your finances are not his concern. Maybe something will twig.

loopyloulou wrote:

Am i overreacting by sitting up half the night worrying about it and having nightmares about it?

There's unfortunatly nothing you can do about this worrying.

loopyloulou wrote:

Should I just leave him to get on with it? Or am i right to be concerned?

He's not getting on with it is he?

You say:

loopyloulou wrote:

his promises that August is the month he is going to go "all out" to make money etc,

then you say

loopyloulou wrote:

He always manages to convince me that "next month things are gonna be better"

So can I take it that July was going to be THE month? Why wasn't it? What about the months previously? What is his business plan? Have you seen it? (You are an unsecured creditor to his "business" so you need to see it).

beanielou

OOOh LLL
i feel for you.i really do.
80k is a whole lot of debt.
Would you not be better to look at other housing options as at the mo you dont actually owm much of house & are on interest only.How long have you had house?
Concentrate mean time on cleaing YOUR debt.
Hope it all works out as you want