Am I overreacting?

loopyloulou_3

i know hun, thanks, i appreciate your honesty. I just suppose I hoped that with going to Court yesterday, and his promises that August is the month he is going to go "all out" to make money etc, that he might have turned a corner. Then to find out all of the proceeds from the sale of the car has gone on "stuff" and the fact that he is out for the day with his mates today - instead of working proves to me that nothing changes.

I dont feel much will change for the short term, but I just need to get my skates on with getting myself debt free in case I need to make a hasty exit! (and to make sure i have enough equity to get somewhere to live)

That is my deadline. When I am debtfree, if he has made no progress with his debt or has not seen the light I am going to have to leave for my sanity.

loopyloulou_3

he did have a business, which went too big too quickly and was disolved. It was a limited company. He says he has learnt alot from this and plans on keeping it small this time. There is no talking him round from this stance. He will simply not work for someone and if I say anything to suggest that he may need busines training etc I get it in the ear for being negative or suggesting he is incapable of running a business.

dinkylou

Have you both been to see CCCS or Payplan?

Think that would be my choice - at least then they may suggest bankruptcy. (Which is a very real option considering your circumstances)

Does he not know how much his actions are upsetting you and making you ill?

Some serious words needed I feel

loopyloulou_3

i gave him the number for payplan, but he said as he doesnt have a regular fixed income he cant do a DMP - he hasnt had LB and isnt really willing to do anything constructive about it other than contacting CC and freezing interest etc.

the bankruptcy thing PETRIFIES me (in fact the thought of it has me feeling rather tearful), neither of us want to go down that route. and to be honest if he did - he wouldnt have learnt a thing and would go back to his old ways im sure of it.

i dont want to lose the house i have put so much into because of HIS debt. I know I have debt of my own - but it is small scale compared to his, and i find mine easily manageable and can see the light at the end of the tunnell with it.

I can just see myself ending up still in £9k debt but with no house, no nothing. If I lose my house, I would have a nightmare getting to work (it wouldnt be possible for me to work in London) and I would have to halve my salary (at least) to work locally. It would all just be a huge nightmare.

lynzpower

Hang on a second

Why would you not be able to carry on with your job in london? I dont get it...

loopyloulou_3

i would have to move back to parents. they live out in the sticks over 2 1/2 hours from london

loopyloulou_3

do you honestly think he will have to eventually go bankrupt? im so depressed about all this

CLAPTON

dont understand about the job and London...you currently are only paying interest and have no equity? if you move out/lose the house why can't you rent ...what are you paying on the mortgage now?..where approx do you live?

loopyloulou_3

surely i would have to have some kind of deposit if i wanted to rent? I have no savings at all.

I live about an hour from london - and have looked before for somewhere closer with no luck of finding anything within my budget and with transport links.

currently paying interest only which is up July next year - we will then be on a repayment. Very little equity.

My point is, selling my house now is my last resort. what little equity we have once split will not even cover my debt. If i could hang on until my debt is paid off then i would have my share of the equity to use as a deposit (which hopefully would have increased slightly)

I dont particularily want to split up due to our financial situation, but if its a choice between losing everything if he has to go bankrupt (and me ending up worse of than him in fact) I wont have much choice.

Is it possible to get out of his scale of debt without going bankrupt? I know how he must feel, it seems like such a lot of debt that the odd £20 down the pub isnt going to make much difference.

And if he did go bankrupt - what would the implications be for me? and the house?

justruth

How much of this is the debt, and how much is your OH reluctance to do anything constructive about it? You have to tell him to plan for the worst and hope for the best, and while you have every faith in his business ability (you may not, who knows) you need some reassurance that there is a future for you both free from debt, and that his financial situation does have an impact on your future together.

Word form the wounded, I was with someone and we both had debt, I worked hard to clear mine, OH quit work and lived off me for 6 months. OH got a stable job and left me, I lost my house, dogs and even had a spell of homelessness. Don't let this be you!