CSA Please help!!

speedster

13Kent wrote: »

Hi Newbie

Sorry to hear about your situation. When were planning to get married we worried about sabotage from the PWC and so we didn't mention it to my OH's kids, (and therefore the mother didn't hear of it either).
We made sure we had them for the weekend of the wedding , (made some excuse or other about family visiting who wanted to see them) and told the kids on the Friday night that we were getting married the next day. We made a guess with sizes for wedding outfits and were lucky as they fitted. Unfortunately it meant they missed out on the excitement and plans leading up to the big day, but we were so worried the PWC would make some excuse for them to miss it we couldn't take that chance.

Sad that things have to be that way unfortunately.

strangely enough, that's exactly what we had to do!

it does put a dampener on when you cant get the kids all excited about your big day.

we kept ours very secret as my ex knows a lot of the same people, so we snuck off with only a very select few haing any knowledge about it.

we did throw a monster party for everyone on our return though! :beer:

Frustrated_Newbie

I always kinda expected the mother to try to mess us around about it so decided not to get dresses made for his daughter and would just buy them a couple of weeks before and could return them if they weren't used. I feel it more for him though, I don't have the same emotional attachment that he obviously does so it's easier for me to get over that side of it.

shaven-monkey

My partner was with his ex for a few months 8 years ago and they then mutually agreed to split up. He was told months later that she was pregnant. He offered help and support to her for the child but she was "cold" from the start. She didn't even tell him when the baby was born. He wasn't named on the certificate either.

While I don't like to sound cold, I am. Is there any evidence other than the word of the mother that this child is in fact his?

kingfisherblue

Something you might want to consider for the future - if you have children, some of your partner's net pay is disregarded before he pays the CSA for his daughter. This is 15% for one child, 20% for two children, and 25% for three or more children. So if you do have kids of your own, tell the CSA as soon as they are born as it will affect/reduce the amount that you pay to your partner's ex.

Blonde_Bint

Hi FN i've been in this situation for over 10 yrs now and the only thing i've learned in all that time is you can bend over back wards as much as you like to accomodate your pwc but if they are that way inclined nothing you do is good enough and you can only do the wrong thing anyway.

She seems to be like our pwc, likes dangling you on the end of the line and whipping the rug out from under you. eg we booked family holiday which pwc knew about had the dates etc etc, a couple of days after we made our last payment for this holiday she called dh to say ss couldnt possibly go on the holiday, he didnt come on the holiday we went without him. The reason why we still went was because I think if we didnt she would do this thing again and again. Once she realises that we will still do whatever it is thats planned but without ss she stopped her little games but it wasnt quick this went on for years until she realised that she wasnt stopping us from doing what we planned.

The best and really only thing you can do in this situation is make your plans and if she sticks her oar in try not to let it get to you. This is what she wants and if she gets what she wants she'll carry on. I feel for you, you have my sympathy your very good to stick with your bloke because although this isnt very nice of me, if I knew then what I know now I dont think I would have married dh or even stayed with him. When dd gets older if she meets someone who has kids with someone else he's out the door i'm afraid. Good Luck hun your going to need it x

moomoomama27

I feel for you, you have my sympathy your very good to stick with your bloke because although this isnt very nice of me, if I knew then what I know now I dont think I would have married dh or even stayed with him.

Same goes for me!

Frustrated_Newbie

Such a horrible situation to go through isn't it. Whether you're the pwc or not, it's a nightmare! The update from today is that she keeps trying to ring him to ask what the csa tell us, but I've told him to tell her nothing. Our conversations with them have nothing to do with her. We've also old her that we will continue to call to speak to his child but have no intention of having conversations with her on the phone. Unless it's something his daughter needs, then our discussions will be through the csa.

hamilet

moomoomama27 wrote: »

Same goes for me!

And same for me!!

bdt1

Look forward to your wedding and future life together. As previously said, your wage is safe as luckily for you, you are on CS2, so a straight 15% end of story.

My wife was not so lucky, we on CS1, but that's another story.................

Chill, and rise above the PWC, believe me the aim is to cause you stress before the wedding, don't give her the satisfaction, jealousy and bitterness are ugly attributes that our PWC also has.

bdt1

kingfisherblue wrote: »

Something you might want to consider for the future - if you have children, some of your partner's net pay is disregarded before he pays the CSA for his daughter. This is 15% for one child, 20% for two children, and 25% for three or more children. So if you do have kids of your own, tell the CSA as soon as they are born as it will affect/reduce the amount that you pay to your partner's ex.

Just to add, if you do have children together in the future, please do not ring CSA, put it in writing, copy letter to a file for yourself, and send recorded delivery, keeping print off of barcode signature as proof they received it. CSA now tell us that in 2006 when our d/d was born we did not inform them of a change of circs - of course we did, re-assessment was done on new d/d birth date, but they do try it on. Best of it was when we told the CSA d/d had been born, the weird PWC had already rang and informed them(as we have no contact, how did she know my wife had delivered baby)....................... She now after several other strange incidents has an injunction against her, we think she has mental health issues