CSA Please help!!

moomoomama27

Frustrated_Newbie wrote: »

He really does what he can. As she moved as far south as she could and we live in Scotland, it costs hundreds of pounds each time he tries to visit. He asked the mother how many times in the week he's allowed to ring his daughter and she said once a week. So he rings when the mother says to ring every week. Yet again, we just don't know what to do. We really can't afford to seek legal representation at the moment as we have alot bills and trying to pay for our wedding. If we'd known how much hassle the mother would be giving, we would've postponed the wedding altogether! Kinda have enough stress just dealing with that!

If she moved away from the family area then she has to pay for the child to have contact with the father. It's only if you moved away rom the family area that you/your partner has to pay travel expenses. I'm not sure which one is the case, but that is a bit of general information.

I would consider contacting a solicitor, many do a half hour-an hour free first consult, and maybe find out what you can and can't persue if regular access is wanted.

Soubrette

He might get a reduction in maintenance if he asks for a variation based on travel costs.

Like I said, if I were him then I would also consider families need fathers - they would have a lot of free advice from other parents in his position.

As the child gets older she may have her own mobile phone and/or access to things like facebook.

As long as your husband keeps making the effort then in the end the mum will have less and less say as to who their daughter has a relationship with.

I would also say that it's not your stress, I know you love him, you're his partner etc but he is the parent not you so try not to get so upset and let him deal with it as much as possible. Again this is my own personal opinion but I always feel in these situation it's much better to have a fund for the child regarding any extra money which can be given to them when they're older (university, car fund, house etc) than to give money to the PWC who will probably still continue to moan that the NRP does not pay his share.

Sou

Frustrated_Newbie

moomoomama27 wrote: »

If she moved away from the family area then she has to pay for the child to have contact with the father. It's only if you moved away rom the family area that you/your partner has to pay travel expenses. I'm not sure which one is the case, but that is a bit of general information.

I would consider contacting a solicitor, many do a half hour-an hour free first consult, and maybe find out what you can and can't persue if regular access is wanted.

I didn't know that if the PWC has to pay the travel costs of she was the one that moved from the family area!!! I think we'll be seeing a lawyer pretty soon for more advice then.

I know I shouldn't take on the stress but he is such a soft hearted person and isn't really keen on confrontation but I'm sick of her using her daughter as emotional blackmail and I want to stand up to her for the both of us.

moomoomama27

Frustrated_Newbie wrote: »

I didn't know that if the PWC has to pay the travel costs of she was the one that moved from the family area!!! I think we'll be seeing a lawyer pretty soon for more advice then.

I know I shouldn't take on the stress but he is such a soft hearted person and isn't really keen on confrontation but I'm sick of her using her daughter as emotional blackmail and I want to stand up to her for the both of us.

I don't blame you, I've been in that situation and it's horrific to watch a child being used as a weapon against the absent parent. I wish people would consider wht is best for the child, rather than money grabbing all the time.

Frustrated_Newbie

She's used the child since she was born, she also does the exact same with her younger child's father. She tells his daughter that her dad is a bad man and doesn't care about her! I don't care how bad someone's upbringing is or what their reasons are, that's just a nasty piece of work in my opinion.

moomoomama27

Frustrated_Newbie wrote: »

She's used the child since she was born, she also does the exact same with her younger child's father. She tells his daughter that her dad is a bad man and doesn't care about her! I don't care how bad someone's upbringing is or what their reasons are, that's just a nasty piece of work in my opinion.

Yes! All she's doing is making her children unhappy, and is damaging them emotionally. What mother wants their children to grow up like that, as a mother it's 'your' job to protect them, not hurt them. I'll never understand some women, when hearing stories like this sometimes I'm ashamed to be one!

Frustrated_Newbie

I agree! I don't have kids of my own but I'm a very family oriented person and always have been. This being the reason I think that we've catered to the mother's every need so far but we've just had enough of being the doormats.

moomoomama27

Frustrated_Newbie wrote: »

I agree! I don't have kids of my own but I'm a very family oriented person and always have been. This being the reason I think that we've catered to the mother's every need so far but we've just had enough of being the doormats.

I don't blame you! Theres only so much a person can take! Good luck with everything x

Frustrated_Newbie

Thank you all for your advice and allowing me to "vent" today, still got the killer headache and the anger but hopefully we'll get somewhere!

13Kent

Hi Newbie

Sorry to hear about your situation. When were planning to get married we worried about sabotage from the PWC and so we didn't mention it to my OH's kids, (and therefore the mother didn't hear of it either).
We made sure we had them for the weekend of the wedding , (made some excuse or other about family visiting who wanted to see them) and told the kids on the Friday night that we were getting married the next day. We made a guess with sizes for wedding outfits and were lucky as they fitted. Unfortunately it meant they missed out on the excitement and plans leading up to the big day, but we were so worried the PWC would make some excuse for them to miss it we couldn't take that chance.

Sad that things have to be that way unfortunately.