How to communicate with my son

Kay_Peel

The short answer to your question - how do I communicate with my son - is to do what you are doing now. There's nothing wrong with showing an interest in him, asking questions and listening to him.

When he's in a calm frame of mind, you can return to the bizarre accusations that he made - what did he mean by the ridiculous comment that you didn't want him to be happy?

I really think you need to clear up the incident over his lunch. He said that you wanted him to starve.
Why did he feel the need to go to KFC? Did he feel that he wasn't going to get a meal at home? Has he got any cause to think that you don't notice that it's getting near lunch time?

Only you know whether it was a ridiculous comment or whether, indeed, you had no intention of getting something for lunch or had forgotten about feeding him some time in the past.

A friend of mine once asked me to be honest with her:
Why had her son turned out to hate her?
Why did he have no respect for her?

I gulped and said: 'You're not going to like this but .......
1. You've never eaten together as a family. You've always served your son his breakfast in bed - so that you can clean up the kitchen before you go to work.

2. You never sit down together to watch TV or talk. Since he was at primary school, your son has had his own TV, computer and boys' toys in his room and has never had to leave his room for anything. You even serve him his dinner in his room.

3. You never talk to him - he comes in from school and goes straight to his room and then goes straight out again with his friends.

4. You have no idea who his friends are or where he goes to at night - you've always valued your quiet space when he's left the house.

It was a big surprise to my friend when her son was excluded from school, involved in fights, picked up by the police and found to have Class A drugs in his possession. She had given him everything as far as she was concerned and nothing as far as I was concerned. He was a stranger. It was an even bigger surprise when he went to live with his Dad when he was 16 years old and has not contacted her since. He says he prefers to live in chaotic flat than a pristine show house where he can't even disturb the cushions.

You don't sound like that kind of mother, but there is some reason why your son does not respect you. Perhaps the reason is "because he can, with no come-back".

I wish you all the best in finding out why he should feel like that.

Good luck!

Gingham_Ribbon

He sounds lovely and you sound like a great mum. I hope you like the book. I've also lent it to a friend, along with the sibling rivalry book by the same authors. I need the sibling rivalry one back though as our boys certainly know how to push each other's buttons!

immortalprincess

Kay_Peel wrote: »

The short answer to your question - how do I communicate with my son - is to do what you are doing now. There's nothing wrong with showing an interest in him, asking questions and listening to him.

When he's in a calm frame of mind, you can return to the bizarre accusations that he made - what did he mean by the ridiculous comment that you didn't want him to be happy?

I really think you need to clear up the incident over his lunch. He said that you wanted him to starve.
Why did he feel the need to go to KFC? Did he feel that he wasn't going to get a meal at home? Has he got any cause to think that you don't notice that it's getting near lunch time?

Only you know whether it was a ridiculous comment or whether, indeed, you had no intention of getting something for lunch or had forgotten about feeding him some time in the past.



You don't sound like that kind of mother, but there is some reason why your son does not respect you. Perhaps the reason is "because he can, with no come-back".

I wish you all the best in finding out why he should feel like that.

Good luck!

Thank you Kay for replying.

I honestly have no idea why he is being like this.

We do alot of things as a family, ie cinema, meals out. We always sit down together as a family away from the tv at night and have our dinner.

I always make a point of asking him what hes done at school etc. I was speaking to my husband about it last night and he says hes probably said it because last week, I found out he was spending all his dinner money on sweets and fizzy juice, and I gave him into trouble, and told him he either had to buy something proper to eat (if you can call KFC proper food yukk) or I gave him a pack lunch. I dont mind him going to KFC at all because he gets proper home cooked food when he comes home. it was just I didnt want him walking down the lane by himself and was trying to explain that anyone could be hanging around there. The lunch thing was when he was at school it wasnt when he was at home, so its not as if I would forget about lunch or anything

Gingham_Ribbon

immortalprincess wrote: »

I honestly have no idea why he is being like this.

Re the 'you want me to starve' comment - it's exactly the kind of comment someone who knows they're being unreasonable might say if they want to be as dramatic as they can - 'I'll DIE if I don't get my own way!'

:rotfl:

Spendless

'I' messages worked well with my own son, but he is younger (10) eg I don't want you to walk down the land to get your KFC because I don't feel comfortable about it as I am worried that ..........

Though I would also add what another poster has what is worrying about this lane at lunch-time, check it out if you think it's dodgy.

shaven-monkey

I just dont know where all this is coming from. He says im trying to complicate his life and make things difficult for him. I dont feel I make things difficult and ive tried to talk to him about it and ask him how he would like me to be, but he just shrugs his shoulders and walks away.

Simplify his life by giving him bread, filling and fruit, a bottle of water or squash and a lunchbox to sort out before school.

I feel a bit let down by him, but mostly I feel let down by myself because ive went wrong somewhere along the line because of his attitude to me.

Your main and only mistake seems to have been having a male child, after that it's all just the way boys are.
Sorry.

Savvy_Sue

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Re the 'you want me to starve' comment - it's exactly the kind of comment someone who knows they're being unreasonable might say if they want to be as dramatic as they can - 'I'll DIE if I don't get my own way!'

:rotfl:

And although I don't have girls to compare him with, DS3 is the biggest drama queen I've ever had the misfortune to live with. :rotfl: