Separating...what do I need to do?

con_fused

Thanks maggied,

Only planning on staying here until I have enough to move out. Hubby said he would help me save for a deposit but he says these things and never tends to follow through. All in all, I need about £1k to buy all the bits - all the white goods/furniture I am gonna buy off ebay so most of the things are second-hand. The only new thing I want is a bed. I don't want to put stuff on credit and be more in debt.


So it may be about 6 months, or maybe that's being optimistic

Assets-wise, I have 3 pension plans, one of which is worth about £10k and I am loathe to split this because I put into it from 2003 and stopped it before I met him. He only started paying into a pension about 6 months ago so I don't see why he should get some of mine which I worked hard to pay into. Do we HAVE to split our assets or if we agree not to split them will the court follow OUR decision or do they make their own decision on this?

jackieglasgow

Again no advice, I just wanted to ask how you are feeling? Are you taking care of yourself, and making some time for some "me" time. Get out of the flat if you can, even if it's only for a walk, or you will drive yourself mad, especially if he is out all night. Jackie X

maggied_2

Con_fused - I can only speak from my experience but my pension wasn't taken into account at all. My XH didn't have one and I did - we also both owned a flat each and they weren't taken into account either. I believe the only way they would split is if the other party applied for it.

I know you don't want to go right away but honestly - you don't need that much stuff and living together for 6 months is going to drive you scatty.

When we split up (not when we got divorced but another time - yes, I know!) I moved back to my hometown with a desk, a chair, my sofas and a few bits of crockery / cutlery.

Can you not rent somewhere cheap for a little while and build stuff up? I did that for 6 months and then bought my old flat. You could get stuff off freecycle and pick up other bits and pieces cheaply enough. I had a coat rail (about £6 from Argos!) until I could afford a wardrobe, borrowed a bed, bought some cheap bedding / towels etc etc. I'm sure some of the stuff in the flat at the moment is yours (?).

You don't have to focus on the divorce right away. I'd be putting my energies into working on living separately. That's just my opinion obviously.

And I agree with Jackie - arrange to go out with some friends and keep yourself busy. Good luck xxx

con_fused

Hi Jackie,

I am OK thanks - having my weepy moments but continue to feel generally postive.

I am going out tonight with friends as it's my birthday tomorrow (I turn 30!). Hubby will be there but we normally separate off in our group of mates anyway so I'm sure I will enjoy myself x

con_fused

Thanks Maggied - think you are right regarding buying stuff etc and also with the moving out. Think that needs to happen sooner rather than later otherwise things will drag on.

Maybe I should move somewhere furnished for now while I save for stuff and then I can move somewhere once I have money to buy more of my own things x