unsure what to do :( long-ish post warning

Bufger

Person_One has some good advice.

From the information you have provided it would seem that you have a controlling MIL and a 'couldnt care either way' partner. Even if he has work commitments in his home town he should be registering a strong interest in you and your child, if hes not making the effort then there is nothing there for you, you need to be around people that love and care for you and your child, it sounds like the only place for that is with your family.

I would go to your family, explain why you moved away and that you think you made a mistake and ask for their help for the short term. im sure they will help you get back on your feet with plenty of love and support and you'll soon forget about that sore excuse of a partner!

Lotus-eater

There is alot here left unsaid and I wouldn't presume to advise you to leave on the flimsy evidence you have posted.

The basic facts are, you should be happy and you are the childs parent, if your OH isn't being a good Dad, you have to be the one that calls the shots regarding your DD. That means she gets fed only what you want her to. It means she gets treated the way you want.
You have a right to be treated correctly by everyone, your DD has a right to see her Mum being treated correctly by everyone. If not you need to do something about it, we can't tell you how to do that, because we don't know enough.
But where is your OH in this and have you told him the way his Mum talks and treats you?

What new house? Is it one you are buying and why did you fall (notice you both fall, not he, you work as a team now you are in a relationship) behind with the rent?

williams1986

Pee wrote: »

If you move back, presumably your partner will not relocate. He left you bring up the child for the first 8 months and did not suggest relocating himself. This might be because he does not want to move away from his family or that he cannot i.e. work commitments.

You got evicted because he didn't pay the rent. If it was his job to pay the rent whilst you paid other bills then he seems to have let you down quite badly, albeit there is a new house on the horizon. If it was his job to pay for everything, maybe you ought to consider what you are contributing to the relationship.

If you are old enough to have a child, surely you are old enough to live away from your Mum. If you are living with his mother, then you are prey to her unkind behaviour. Will your partner have a gentle word with her about it? How long until the new house is ready and you can move into your own space? Do you think that being in your own space will stop the arguments between you and your partner?

my partner has been offered his old job back where im from but wont take it, so that also makes me assume he wont be willing to move back. my contribution to the relationship is to work part time to pay for family holidays and to have a rainy day fund,as well as raise and care for our daughter and do the housekeeping,etc.

i havent lived with my mum since i was 17 and living with my mum isnt being considered,and ive asked my partner to have a word with his mum but it fell on deaf ears. i feel like 'its my house,i will say what i want',which i appriciate as,yes,it is her house. ive got no idea when the new house will be ready,everytime we get to the time we think we can move in,it gets put back for whatever reason (its a property in the family that is being renovated).

i feel like ive given 110% in this relationship and only get 40% back,if im luckyand i feel that the foundations of this relationship were built on false promises. i have no life of my own,no friends here,whereas my partner has his life here.

Bufger

williams1986 wrote: »

i feel like ive given 110% in this relationship and only get 40% back,if im luckyand i feel that the foundations of this relationship were built on false promises. i have no life of my own,no friends here,whereas my partner has his life here.

doesnt sound like you need any convincing, just move out

lilmisschick

Hi OP,

How old is your child now? Maybe it all feels worse as you're feeling isolated due to not having any familiar faces other than your partner and his mother that are clearly not overly supportive.

When your little one goes to nursery, you will meet lots of other mums and makes friends or even now, do you go to your local childrens center for the stay and play groups? They are all over and very beneficial as they will stimulate your little one and you get time to talk to others and most also have support workers there too- someone you can talk to!

If you do go home, then will that be the end of your relationship with your partner? I think maybe, start by filling your day a little more to start with as it could be that you're feeling bored, isolated and generally down with mundane life and anything they say to you, of course, you will take more personally as your self esteem is fairly low at the moment!

Good luck with your decision, whatever you decide xx

mummy_Jay

It sounds like right now its all getting to you, you need to take a step back. How about planning a week or two at your folkes house over easter, just you and the little one.

Have a break and look at the situation with fresh eyes and with your family with you to discuss it and support you, rather than doing it in isolation where your feel your walking on eggshells?

How old is she? and how long have you been back together? Do you still love him? Are you just dragging out the end of the relationship or did you both really give it a try? Do you feel that when your not in his mothers house and your in your own it will be fine again or that he will continue on in the same vein?

If you take your DD and move back to your home town, would he still want contact with her(as you gave me the impression he didn't both for the first 8 months) and if so what/how would you want that to work.

*Louise*

williams1986 wrote: »

thanks for the replies.

i struggle with my partner because he does what he wants to all the time - his life has always been here and so ive had to fit in with what he does. i was told by his mum a while ago,that if i ever left here with my daughter,it would kill my partners dad.

i find raising my daughter a struggle atm,her nan says/does the opposite of what i would do for her, for example, i dont let her have sugary foods or drinks as she gets hyper, and this morning her nan gave her frosties and then wondered why daughter was going bonkers and being naughty!

ive always felt like they have only been interested in my daughter,what ever i say or do is wrong and ive tried to leave before but was talked out of it

Oh good, when all else fails, throw in some emotional blackmail.....:mad:

You need to do what is best for YOU and your DAUGHTER, no one else.

If you are not getting the support you need, and you feel you would get it at home, then go home.

If your partner cared about you, he would be putting as much work into the relationship as you are, and part of that means making sure you are happy and comfortable living with his parents. He doesn't seem to care either way and is just leaving you to get on with it. Is that the sort of relationship you have always wanted??

Kay_Peel

I think I would weigh up the pros and cons of living apart from my child's father.

What are the 'plus' points - do they include any of the following......
- rent free accommodation
- reduced bills for utilities/community charge etc
- free childminding
- able to work part-time because of family support
- able to live together as a family - mother, father, child - while waiting for a new house?

Before giving up my partner and my job and all of those benefits I'd ask myself how I would pay my way at my mother's house.

Of course there are 'minus' points about your current living arrangements. Neither your partner nor his mother respect you and you may have to learn new ways of dealing with them, if you stay. Such as ....

'Thank you for giving xxxxx her breakfast but I don't want her to have sugary cereals and juices in future. I know you meant well but I'd prefer you to give her porridge'.

'Do you remember that I asked you not to give xxxxx Frosties for breakfast? You've done it again! Can you explain why you went against my wishes? We need to sort this out before we fall out about it.'

I wouldn't expect my partner to fight my battles. I would try my best to regain their respect by being firm about my wishes and my boundaries. If I loved my partner and wanted the relationship to get stronger, then I wouldn't run home to Mum.