unsure what to do :( long-ish post warning

williams1986

Hi, ive never posted here before but ive found everyone helpful and friendly while ive been lurking.

so, here goes:

ive been with my partner for 5 years,and we have a child together. we seperated when i was pregnant and he moved back to his home town and i raised our child on my own for the first 8 months, until i moved to my partners home town and gave up absolutly everything i knew.

weve had our ups and downs and recently got evicted from our flat after he fell behind with the rent and we are now living with his mum as our new house is still being renovated.

the short of it is that im fed up,im crying everyday as all we do is argue,his mum keeps making personal remarks towards me and i want to return home,which happens to be the otherside of the country. i still have my family there and i feel like saying why i should i stay to keep his family happy when mine is missing out?

any help would be appriciated

soph x

Person_one

Go home. Nothing about your situation seems to be making you happy and your child certainly doesn't need to see mum being picked on by grandma.

Do you want to keep the relationship with your partner?

gorgeouslatinrose

Definatley go home - your not happy and the situation does not seem likely to improve. Can you stay with your family? Maybe its time for your partner to be the one that relocates, though of course it depends on what you want from the relationship. Good Luck

busiscoming2

Yes, go home, even if it is until your new home is ready. It will give you space and time to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner.

jinky67

you may be suffering PND

What does your partner say to his mother about her remarks? Have you told him she is doing this?

Pee

If you move back, presumably your partner will not relocate. He left you bring up the child for the first 8 months and did not suggest relocating himself. This might be because he does not want to move away from his family or that he cannot i.e. work commitments.

You got evicted because he didn't pay the rent. If it was his job to pay the rent whilst you paid other bills then he seems to have let you down quite badly, albeit there is a new house on the horizon. If it was his job to pay for everything, maybe you ought to consider what you are contributing to the relationship.

If you are old enough to have a child, surely you are old enough to live away from your Mum. If you are living with his mother, then you are prey to her unkind behaviour. Will your partner have a gentle word with her about it? How long until the new house is ready and you can move into your own space? Do you think that being in your own space will stop the arguments between you and your partner?

williams1986

thanks for the replies.

i struggle with my partner because he does what he wants to all the time - his life has always been here and so ive had to fit in with what he does. i was told by his mum a while ago,that if i ever left here with my daughter,it would kill my partners dad.

i find raising my daughter a struggle atm,her nan says/does the opposite of what i would do for her, for example, i dont let her have sugary foods or drinks as she gets hyper, and this morning her nan gave her frosties and then wondered why daughter was going bonkers and being naughty!

ive always felt like they have only been interested in my daughter,what ever i say or do is wrong and ive tried to leave before but was talked out of it

jinky67

williams1986 wrote: »

thanks for the replies.

i struggle with my partner because he does what he wants to all the time - his life has always been here and so ive had to fit in with what he does. i was told by his mum a while ago,that if i ever left here with my daughter,it would kill my partners dad.

i find raising my daughter a struggle atm,her nan says/does the opposite of what i would do for her, for example, i dont let her have sugary foods or drinks as she gets hyper, and this morning her nan gave her frosties and then wondered why daughter was going bonkers and being naughty!

ive always felt like they have only been interested in my daughter,what ever i say or do is wrong and ive tried to leave before but was talked out of it

Well he is being totally immature then:cool:
And his mother should be respecting your wishes

I dont normally agree with the whole leave him brigade, but I think if he is not doing anything to support you you have no choice:o

Person_one

williams1986 wrote: »

thanks for the replies.

i struggle with my partner because he does what he wants to all the time - his life has always been here and so ive had to fit in with what he does. i was told by his mum a while ago,that if i ever left here with my daughter,it would kill my partners dad.

i find raising my daughter a struggle atm,her nan says/does the opposite of what i would do for her, for example, i dont let her have sugary foods or drinks as she gets hyper, and this morning her nan gave her frosties and then wondered why daughter was going bonkers and being naughty!

ive always felt like they have only been interested in my daughter,what ever i say or do is wrong and ive tried to leave before but was talked out of it

No it wouldn't. It might upset him but if he truly cared about his grandchild he would just get on with it and do everything he could ta maintain a relationship despite the distance.

Don't worry about anyone else, you and your child are the priority. I would normally say you need to consider your partner too but he doesn't seem to consider you.

BitterAndTwisted

Now that you're a parent it can't be all about what you want, even if you were certain in your mind about what that was. If you're asking here then you patently cannot be certain. If there are negative feelings around the child they will inevitably have an effect on her. They sense these feelings but cannot understand what they're about or why they are there and it can often have the effect that the child believes subconsciously that they are the cause of them. This is not a healthy emotional environment for any child.

Your partner sounds like he's behaving in the way a single person would without any family responsibilities and unless something radical happens to his way of thinking this is unlikely to change. That he neglected to ensure you all had a secure roof over your heads bodes very, very ill. You could try and take control of the family finances once you move but you might have a battle on your hands if he feels that he can do what he wants and go where he wants now instead of making sacrifices as any normal person would want to when there's a child in the equation. If you do decide to move to this new property in the hope that this will change everything you'll be stuck with the responsibility of a rental agreement so if you're uncertain about the future of this relationship I would encourage you to think twice about co-signing the agreement. If the rent is defaulted on again and the landlord cannot get it from him they will seek to recover the monies from you even if you've left the property and gone back to your home-town.

I think I know what I would do in your circumstances

Errata

Go home, unless you can find one single reason for staying where you are and it very much sounds like you won't be able to.
Re; grandad - nobody every died because they didn't see their grandchild every day.