Opinions sought on older child who wants nothing to do with me

chriszzz

Does this imply that children can now choose who they want to live with and parents don't have any say in the matter as long as the child was not in danger???
Gosh that would be a turn around for all PWC and NRPs, blimey am glad mine are all grown up!!
That is SCARY!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

speedster

yup. pretty much.

one i advised on recently, a 15 yr old girl went to live with her boyfriend at his parents house and his parents claimed CB and then got csa for her too.

f-stop

missmontana: money goes from my account to csa, and from them (AFAIK) direct to the PWC (how i hate using that phrase in this instance btw!)

chriszzz: just to answer the questions you asked: yes, has been living there since she was 14. and yes, my wife and i were together at the time of the first CSA decision

speedster: yes, it appears this is the case. i spoke with the CSA yesterday and asked basically what would happen if my daughter was to leave this woman's house aged 17 and move in with someone else, a boyfriend perhaps (i specifically used that example), and that person claimed CB and CSA, would it be awarded? and their answer was that while it would be looked at, if the person had been awarded CB, they almost certainly would get CSA too :-$

thanks all for your responses, i've spent a long time thinking that i must be going mad and perhaps i was the one who had it all wrong and that that this was somehow normal...

Blonde_Bint

My god :eek: OP so sorry for your situation.

Heard it all now. we all know how kids can get stroppy, just think it could become the norm for teens to chuck a paddy cos they cant have what they want at home, now they can go live where-ever they like and the parents dont get a say but just get to pay for it.

Though I would say never hand over the child benefit book. I thought it was difficult to get the chb changed over.

At this rate the birth rate should be dropping like a stone. who'd be stupid enough to get someone pregnant/push out a child in todays circumstances. even if you stay together your not safe it would seem.

star-X_2

A horrible situation to be in. Can i ask why she ran away though, and did u maintain constant contact with her, or wait until she got in touch? Whats her relationship like with her mum? All the best x

AnxiousMum

You say your daughter is in education for 12 hours per week - I'm quite sure that to be considered full time education it has to be 16 hours per week? If that is correct, should you still be paying child support to anybody if she's not in full time education?

Re the woman being a guide leader........when I registered my children for scouting, I did so with the knowledge that scout leaders were there for the benefit of the children. If it came to my attention that I was leaving my child for a moment with someone who had had their own child removed, and trusting this person with my child on camping trips etc., you can bet that all hell would break loose.

If I further learnt that this person was then grooming my child into moving out of the family home and being encouraged to live with them to replace their taken away child - I would be printing off all of the logs of chats etc., that I could get my hands on, send it to the proper place - guiding office in your case, as well as to the police. This does NOT sit right with me whatsoever - the CHILD was 14 - hardly an adult, and certainly not in a position to make life changing decisions such as this.

Kimitatsu

No for further education 12 hours is the minimum number of hours they need to attend to get CB and make a CSA claim.

incredulous1

AnxiousMum wrote: »

You say your daughter is in education for 12 hours per week - I'm quite sure that to be considered full time education it has to be 16 hours per week? If that is correct, should you still be paying child support to anybody if she's not in full time education?

Re the woman being a guide leader........when I registered my children for scouting, I did so with the knowledge that scout leaders were there for the benefit of the children. If it came to my attention that I was leaving my child for a moment with someone who had had their own child removed, and trusting this person with my child on camping trips etc., you can bet that all hell would break loose.

If I further learnt that this person was then grooming my child into moving out of the family home and being encouraged to live with them to replace their taken away child - I would be printing off all of the logs of chats etc., that I could get my hands on, send it to the proper place - guiding office in your case, as well as to the police. This does NOT sit right with me whatsoever - the CHILD was 14 - hardly an adult, and certainly not in a position to make life changing decisions such as this.

I doubt this person advertised the fact that they had previously had their own child taken into care before all this happened! I agree 14 is no age to make such decisions, but experience of working in health and social care has shown me that at this age, the social services mantra is "what the child wants". Yes, guide/scout leaders may be CRB checked, but that shows nothing regarding home life/social circumstances, and even with regard to criminal activity, all it really shows is that they have never been *caught*. Hindsight is a wonderful thing...

kingfisherblue

It should also be remembered that although all guiding and scouting leaders are CRB checked now, there was a time when this wasn't a requirement. I joined guiding ten years ago and didn't have a CRB. I think the requirement came in after the Soham murders and all new volunteers were checked. Since then, all other leaders have been checked, but it has taken time and has had to be done in stages - it will have been a massive job as there are so many volunteers.

And as Incredulous points out, a CRB only shows that somebody hasn't been caught and had a crime or caution recorded against them.

OP, is this woman still in Guiding? If she is, I would definitely report her, if only to stop this happening to another family. I know that your primary concern is to your daughter, and rightly so, but as you have the knowledge of what has happened, I also feel that you have a responsibility to society and should report this to prevent it occurring again in the future.

AnxiousMum

incredulous1 wrote: »

I doubt this person advertised the fact that they had previously had their own child taken into care before all this happened! I agree 14 is no age to make such decisions, but experience of working in health and social care has shown me that at this age, the social services mantra is "what the child wants". Yes, guide/scout leaders may be CRB checked, but that shows nothing regarding home life/social circumstances, and even with regard to criminal activity, all it really shows is that they have never been *caught*. Hindsight is a wonderful thing...

Hi Incredulous - I know that a CRB only shows if a person has been 'caught'.....however, there is more informaiton available now, and with the new crb requirements coming out - it may be that rather than a CRB check this person would need one of the 'certificates of good character' which this would certainy go against!