Needing some Inspiration

Apricot

Im really needing someone to smack me today and tell me not to spend any money. Im feeling sick of being skint all of the time after making my debt payments and I know it won't take much more before everything comes crashing down so I really need to get myself in order.

I know all of this so why is it that im absolutely desperate to spend money all of the time. I've been looking at clothes, holidays anything really I've just got this huge urge to spend even though I shouldn't.

How do all of you DFWs stop yourself? My DFD seems like forever away!

Wow

princessleah_ wrote: »

Im really needing someone to smack me today

Can you hang on a few mins while I make myself a cuppa?:rotfl:

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi welcome it would be useful to post a soa so we can se where you could cut back. It's always harder to not spend when you are not supposed to but mayb if we see where you are we can offer some guidance

Apricot

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household.........
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1100
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1100

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 165
Rent.................................... 304
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 80
Electricity............................. 50
Gas..................................... 25
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 30
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 22
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 140
Clothing................................ 10
Petrol/diesel........................... 60
Road tax................................ 13.33
Car Insurance........................... 40
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 15
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 12
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 15
Haircuts................................ 5
Entertainment........................... 25
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1023.33


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 4000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 4000


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 0........(0)........0
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 4250.....(165)......8
Total secured & HP debts...... 4250......-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Virgin.........................2265......45........0
Asda CC........................1367......43........0
Barclaycard....................1580......40........0
Total unsecured debts..........5212......128.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,100
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,023.33
Available for debt repayments........... 76.67
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 128
Amount short for making debt repayments. -51.33

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 4,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -4,250
Total Unsecured debt.................... -5,212
Net Assets.............................. -5,462

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.
I think it's worse than last time I did it!

Faye449

I do sympathise, I want to shop too but we can't :-(

Only thing that jumps out at me from your SOA is that your car insurance looks high, but I'm not an expert by any means!

Apricot

It is pretty high but Im only 22 so was the lowest I could get last year (it includes breakdown cover of £5). It's up for renewal in May so will try to find a better deal soon.

MyLastFiver

You need to ask yourself why you feel a compulsion to spend. Because there will definitely be a root cause.

Do you buy yourself "treats" to make youself feel better? Or do you feel that having the trappings of an affluent lifestyle gives you a sense of identity? Or do you shop to relieve boredom? Or to fit in with others? Or to improve your self-image? Some people go shopping because they are lonely, and like the connections they make with sales assistants, who are paid to be nice to them.

The root of complusive spending (and a lot of other "oral" behaviour, such as overeating, drugs, drinking or smoking) can often (always?) be found in insecure attachments in childhood. Securely-attached people have this sense of self-worth already, within themselves, but adults who have experienced insecure relationships in childhood look to the external world for validation.

Young adults are often at risk from destructive validation-seeking behaviour. Partly this is because we can feel lost in the adult world, as it repeats the disappointments of our childhood, but also, in my opinion (and my own experience) it's because financial independence is a novelty and we see money, and spending it, as empowering. We do not fit into the family/peer group/social network/community [delete as appropriate] but the world of consumerism welcomes us with open arms, providing we have ready legal tender. Billion-pound marketing budgets seduce us into substituting shopping for real, meaningful happiness.

This has all got a bit heavy. If you really, really want to beat your retail compulsion then understanding where it comes from is the key. Examine your relationships with others, paying particular attention to your childhood relationships with your parents, but also including siblings and friends.

The good news is that, if any of the above does apply to you, then things do get better as you get older. You have more self-awareness and are happier in your own skin. Good luck.

cookie220985

has your council tax had the 25% knocked off being you live alone? if not, couldnt you get this?

Buffythedebtslayer

MyLastFiver wrote: »

You need to ask yourself why you feel a compulsion to spend. Because there will definitely be a root cause.



The root of complusive spending (and a lot of other "oral" behaviour, such as overeating, drugs, drinking or smoking) can often (always?) be found in insecure attachments in childhood. Securely-attached people have this sense of self-worth already, within themselves, but adults who have experienced insecure relationships in childhood look to the external world for validation.

Young adults are often at risk from destructive validation-seeking behaviour. Partly this is because we can feel lost in the adult world, as it repeats the disappointments of our childhood, but also, in my opinion (and my own experience) it's because financial independence is a novelty and we see money, and spending it, as empowering. We do not fit into the family/peer group/social network/community [delete as appropriate] but the world of consumerism welcomes us with open arms, providing we have ready legal tender. Billion-pound marketing budgets seduce us into substituting shopping for real, meaningful happiness.

This has all got a bit heavy. If you really, really want to beat your retail compulsion then understanding where it comes from is the key. Examine your relationships with others, paying particular attention to your childhood relationships with your parents, but also including siblings and friends.

The good news is that, if any of the above does apply to you, then things do get better as you get older. You have more self-awareness and are happier in your own skin. Good luck.

Wow, that bit I highlighted just pretty much explained my 20's.
thanks MyLastFiver.

Princess, I have found every three months or so I have a splurge, this weekend it was spending for Mother's day. And other spending...... on e bay (not real) Amazon (also not real) but then I am good for a while.

I do it to cheer myself up. sad but true. Sometimes instead of spending I will declutter and challenge myself to sell some stuff or make extra money some how and if successful I rarely do buy crap with "hard earned/special money" it goes on the debt.

xxxx

Apricot

Wow thanks mylastfiver - thats given me a lot to think about as I can immediately see some aspects of myself in that statement. I've just had a thought that perhaps a spending diary in which I can note my mood that day may help me to understand fuller.
I know a lot of the time that things I buy are completely pointless and unnecessary so there must be some sort of root behind my spending on these things. Im guessing a lot is to do with self esteem issues in that my friends all seem to have bigger and better things than me - they are in debt too but it doesn't seem to bother them which doesn't exactly make my crusade easy!

My council tax already includes the discount btw.

Apricot

I definitely need to declutter too. There are loads of things I've bought (box set dvds etc) and never watched - they look good on the shelves I guess? I have somewhat of an Ebay compulsion (I've got 15 watched items atm all different - none that I actually need), I am on my own a lot in the evenings so get bored and shop online and don't have long for lunch but like to get out of the office so the nearest place is Asda - there are 6 transactions on my bank statement in the last week!