Annoyed

TheEffect

If your a parent, treat your children the same.

I'm so ticked off at the moment. To sum it up, me (19) and my brother (21) live with our mum. I work full-time (on a gap year before university) and earn 1k/m, my brother is doing an apprenticeship and earns £400/m, but does work on the side and earns extra now and again. He has a car and I don't, which is where some of his money goes.

Mum has trouble with money and earning less than paying out, but mainly due to her own problems with loans, credit cards and living beyond her means.

I pay £150 rent and pay for a few small bills (internet, sky) but for the last few months I've been paying for food shops.

My brother gives my mum £20 a month rent and is always borrowing money of her (which she doesn't have). He spends all his money in the pub, going out partying and clubbing and always claims he's skint. I asked him for some money tonight for food shopping and he went off on one saying he's skint and earns f&%ck all, but then said after to mum that he's going to pub to meet his boss.

I said to mum she needs to be more strict on him as he has money but flunks it all on booze and partying. She knows this but will never admit it. She's always protecting him and sticking up for him.

I'm sick and tired of this. I cannot just not buy food for the fridge and am always lending mum money to pay a credit card bill or putting £20 in her bank as she's gone over her overdraft and will be charged £25.

I'm tired of this now. He gets away with murder and she does nothing. I said to him we're taking mum out for dinner on Sunday (mothers day) and he said why can't we just get a take away as it's cheaper.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just really ticked off and sitting here trying to relieve some anger! :mad:

little_evo

Hello, I can well imagine how you feel and the only thing I can honestly say if you are not happy is to move out. Perhaps your mother feels he needs more help and knows she doesn't have to worry about you. I'm not saying that's right or fair however maybe it's just how she sees it. If you did move out then they both might see what a difference you made in their lives. Best of luck in what you do.

TheEffect

little_evo wrote: »

Hello, I can well imagine how you feel and the only thing I can honestly say if you are not happy is to move out. Perhaps your mother feels he needs more help and knows she doesn't have to worry about you. I'm not saying that's right or fair however maybe it's just how she sees it. If you did move out then they both might see what a difference you made in their lives. Best of luck in what you do.

Thanks for the response. I'm moving out in September. Got my accommodation sorted at university already (even though it's a few miles away from my home).

pigpen

for the sake of a few months I'd bite my tongue.. or move in with a friend or other family member.

My mother has 2 other daughters and they borrow money, pay no board, do nothing about the house etc.. I always HAD to pay my way and did all the housework, laundry, cooking, bathing my sisters (10 and 14 years younger than me) etc, basically everything. I moved out ASAP.

I know you are just venting but really unless you are prepared to make your mum see sense or your brother grow up and start behaving like an adult nothing will change.

kindofagilr

Maybe you should encourage your mam on here, if she has a problem with money now what is she going to do when you move out?

flower24

I know it sounds harsh but maybe stop helping her out so much. Then she will have to get the money elsewhere. Don't feel obligated to do it, I think you're paying enough as it is.

FATBALLZ

To be honest I'd just stop helping her. Shes entirely dependent on you and always will be until you cut her off. It's the only way she''ll learn to look after herself.

sulkisu

It is probably worth reminding your mum and brother that after September, you won't be there and they will have to pay for everything between themselves. You will have your own bills and responsibilities, so subsiding them both (which is what you are doing) won't be an option. I would review what you are contributing to the household, so that you are not paying rent AND buying food AND paying bills. For example I would probably do the food shopping for everyone, but not pay any bills. And I would stop giving cash to your brother (I know that you actually give it to your mum, but as she is giving your brother money and as he is only paying a pittance himself, you are effectively handing your cash to him). As long as you are picking up the slack, neither your mum nor your brother need to make changes.

Edit: If you feel guilty saying no to your mum, just remind yourself that you can save that money towards your student years.

xmaslolly76

I have to agree with joesmum and fatballz. if you keep bailing her out she wont learn. Alot of people on here including me only ever face up to their problems when they hit rock bottom and cant borrow money from anywhere else to stay afloat :-)

[Deleted User]

Hi the effect, i am going to play devil's advocate here a little.

Whilst i think you are right in your thinking, i also think you also have it a tad easy yourself. You say you clear £1000/m plus a few small bills, say £100, and rent £150 and some food, say another £100. Even if you are spending out £400 a month on bills that still leaves you over one half of yr salary a month on disposable income, that isn't realistic esp when you leave home.

Whilst having the hump with your bro and mum (and rightly so), i'd also be saving as much cash as i can, cos when you do leave home, you certainly won't have that much free cash to hand.

Good luck with uni though.

lindos90

I would agree, encourage your mum and brother to look at their finances now, or they will be in trouble come september.

Well done for being such a caring son, you sound like you are very mature and sensible, your mum should be proud of you!

...Good luck with your studies too.

Families are funny things, my OH comes from a family of 8 siblings, but they were all treated differently, some were expected to tip up most of their pay, others were not expected to contribute at all...very unfair.

My OH was the caring thoughtful one, and listened to all his mums concerns and worries, while she didnt want to 'bother or upset' others.

He bit his tongue for years, never rocked the boat, but its made him a lovely person, sensible with money, and very determined to treat our three kids fairly, so there is a possitive side!