Finally realised how much ***t I'm in

southernscouser

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT! wrote:

I'm not so much scared of her leaving as to what she'll to herself.

She's had a history of depression and self harming and I'm petrified of putting her back there as she's worked up about moving out. I really don't know what's best I need to think

Then you need to tell her like it's not so much of a big deal. Say to her, look I've been a !!!!!! but it's being sorted. I'm maximising my money to pay my debts off quickly blah blah. It's given me a great insight into budgetting for OUR future so we can have the best possible life together, that sort of thing!

If you break down while your telling her it probably won't help. Show her you have learnt from your mistakes and tell her your doing everything you can so you two can move in together as quickly as possible.

jessicamb

If you really want to move in together can you rent somewhere?

I've no experience with depression/self-harming but are there any forums for people with depression similar to this where you could ask those people how they would prefer to be told?

I definitely think your OH has a right (and a need if you are going to be living together) to know the situation - as others have said you cant build on lies.

Good luck.

Oh - and can you afford to move in together?

Molanole

I think I actually agree with everyone else. You do need to tell her. It may actually harm your relationship more if you don't tell her and she finds out another way (it has happened to others on here). Can you imagine how hurt she'll feel if she thinks that you couldn't trust her enough to tell her. Personally I'd find that harder to deal with than the debt bombshell as it would be an emotional problem as opposed to your debt which is a practical problem with a positive resolution to come in the next five years.

To live together you don't necessarily need to buy somewhere. As you're at home with your folks perhaps renting for a while would be the best option anyway while you get used to being in each others space. A trial run for the real thing.

Good luck!

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

Well thanks for all your advice but it didn't go as smoothly as you'd all predicted, in fact was worse than I feared. At least the wedding next years off so that will save me a bit.

I just want this all to go away I can't handle it no more

MrsTinks

I'm sorry to hear it all went worse than you had hoped, but you can't live your life constantly spinning lies just because you are afraid of how she would take it. If things don't work out for you then at least you will know you were being honest with her. People who self harm do so for so many reasons, I have a half sister with scars up her arms like you wouldn't believe. What happened in her past was nothing you did to her, please don't feel guilt about this... She may have had a tough time but that does not justify expecting you to be the one to make it up to her for what has happened before you met her.
If she decides that because you can't afford to buy a flat or house with her now then you aren't the guy she wants to marry then I'm sorry but maybe she was never really the one for you?
I hope you work things out, but please don't be pressured into feeling this is all your fault... My OH has debts that are higher than mine, he's done a number of stupid things non-financially, and I love him "warts, debts and all"

Bright Blessings to you both
T

lizzie12_2

Hi IWILLSORTMYDEBTOUT,
How are things for you today?
Take care x

dancingfairy

Perhaps she needs time to get over the shock? You are not responsible for anyone else you can only do your best. At least you can get your debts sorted so that if you do get back together or not then you will be more secure financially.