Finally realised how much ***t I'm in

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

Feeling at a low people.

Help! Got to the stage where my fiance (who doesn't know about the debt) is hassling me non-stop to get a place together. Have just spoken to Who's Lending they have told me I need at least a 10% deposit and even then I'll barely get lent enough for even a 1 bed flat. Even selling my car and other stuff of any value I'll be £6k short. Having mucked my credit record up so badly no-one will lend me that.

What can I do? Telling my fiance isn't an option for several reasons which would mean the end of us for sure.

I've got £26k outstanding on Payplan paying £450 a month.

Can anyone help please.

lizzie12_2

Hi

Sorry to hear about the situation you are in....

Are you living together already or alone?

It does make the situation harder when you keep all this to yourself.... have been there , but it is easier if the other person does know.... you can then start making plans together....

Did you have the debt before you met?

This board is full of helpful tips so somebody with a bit more knowledge may be able to help.

Take Care.x

scottishspendaholic

Hey there,

So sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

I don't think this is what you want to hear - but you need to tell him or her the full story. Particularly if you want to buy a house together - s/he needs to have all the information.

A lot of people have posted here in your position before and have gone on to tell their partner's and have had surprising results - search for posts by Bunnyinthelights, Pixie1 and me - are just some that spring to mind. In most cases, we have been surprised by their reactions - sometimes its better to be honest and ask for help.

My OH was so calm, came up with an action plan for me and said he was so pleased that I had been honest with him and felt closer to me. He's never thrown it back in my face either during an argument. He isn't perfect - but he's now on board with menu planning and helps me budget and buys me the odd treat.

You can't keep fending him/her off forever til your payplan debt finishes which will be over 4 1/2 years away, I think. Soon s/he will get suspicious and wonder about your reasons for putting him off - which will affect your relationship anyway.

Maybe you could write him/her a letter if you can't do it face2face?

I hope this helps - sorry if its not what you had hoped to hear.

Anyway - best of luck.

scottishspendaholic x

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

Hi lizzie

Thanks for that. I'm still living with parents.

The debt is from a bad period before I met my fiance, with all the problems she's had early on in her life it would be totally unfair to dump this on her now she's over it.

I just want to escape and be free of the past.

grex9101

Sorry to be blunt, but not telling your fiance is not an option.
You cant build on a relationship based on lies.

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

I don't know how she would react. It would probably be bad as all she goes on about is getting our own place and as Payplan won't finish till August 2011 it's going to be too long. I know one thing for sure it would permanently affect my relationship with her family.

In_Search_Of_Me

Sorry but I agree with the others! One of the most damaging things to relationships is finding out that you've been lied to & that is far worse than being told about a debt! If you are committing to "for better or worse" then surely its better to start as you mean to go on. Having secrets also puts pressure on the relationship that needly be there & would be impossible to hide onece living togeather so would just bite the bullett, be honest & tell the truth! Good luck!

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

Which member would be the best to speak too who could offer advice on how I tell her?

Willsnarf1983

yup tell her mate

whats the point in trying to hide it when u know perfectly well that you will be found out!, if she doesn't stay with u for being open and honest then so be it but she is far more likely to leave if she cannot trust u to tell her the truth about the trouble ur in. Its only money so image if it were something worse!

Will

southernscouser

I was in a similar position mate. My fiance kept going on about us moving in together and I kept making excuses as I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my debt.

I never had enough money to even take her out let alone get a mortgage. We broke up a few weeks after my lightbulb moment. She cited one of the reasons that she couldn't see us having a future as I didn't want to move in with her. Don't get me wrong, that wasn't the only reason for us splitting up but the lack of money was a major one but if I had been honest from the start or even had my lightbulb moment earlier, you never know, we might still be together now!

If she does break up with you mate, as much as it hurts, she isn't the one for you. If you she loves you she'll will accept you, debts, warts and all!

IWILLSORTMYDEBTSOUT!

I'm not so much scared of her leaving as to what she'll to herself.

She's had a history of depression and self harming and I'm petrified of putting her back there as she's worked up about moving out. I really don't know what's best I need to think