Wrong music played at funeral

muskoka

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Great idea - undertakers have a habit of profiteering off the back of people who are too grief striken to argue, and feel guilty about, trying to negotiate a reasonable deal. Definitely the undertakers don't deserve full, if any, payment for this. Putting the money towards a cause your loved one would have approved of should set the balance of things straight.

Sorry for your loss. I agree with the above. Look for some compo to be paid to whatever charity the deceased would have liked the money to go to.

gillybean129

Thank you all so very much for your postings.

We asked for donations to the hospice where dad died in lieu of flowers, what a good idea to donate a discount (if we get any) to this charity, I am sure Dad would have approved.

Thank you all again, I thought long before making this thread and I am glad that I did it has helped.

OnTheUp_2-2

I am in agreement with many others that you should ask for the amount that is discounted, donated to the hospice. I think thats a lovely idea.

I also think a letter of apology would mean something to you as then it takes away any feeling of guilty that you have messed up on such an important day. I am not saying you were the one that messed it up, but putting myself in your shoes I would feel upset that it was my fault and would want someone to take responsibilty and remove any guilt.

One final thing. I know it may sound like an utterly crazy idea.. have you thought about holding your own special rememberance maybe at Dads favourite spot or even at home and maybe take it in turn to say a few things, even if its just fond memories and then have a little toast to him whilst playing the music you had chosen.

It may seem like a silly idea but the mind holds on to memories and hopefully then you will be able to attach a happy memory to the song and to the time he passed and how you celebrated his life.

My thoughts are with you and I am sorry for your loss

MyRubyRed

No advice I'm afraid but truly sorry for your loss. xx

gillybean129

OnTheUp wrote: »

I am in agreement with many others that you should ask for the amount that is discounted, donated to the hospice. I think thats a lovely idea.

I also think a letter of apology would mean something to you as then it takes away any feeling of guilty that you have messed up on such an important day. I am not saying you were the one that messed it up, but putting myself in your shoes I would feel upset that it was my fault and would want someone to take responsibilty and remove any guilt.

One final thing. I know it may sound like an utterly crazy idea.. have you thought about holding your own special rememberance maybe at Dads favourite spot or even at home and maybe take it in turn to say a few things, even if its just fond memories and then have a little toast to him whilst playing the music you had chosen.

It may seem like a silly idea but the mind holds on to memories and hopefully then you will be able to attach a happy memory to the song and to the time he passed and how you celebrated his life.

My thoughts are with you and I am sorry for your loss

We had planned to have a small gathering with the vicar at the garden of remembrance for the scattering of Dad's ashes. Mum would also like people to come back to the house so yes this would be a lovely idea to play the music Mum had chosen (Mum was really upset). I have the CD in my kitchen and every time I look at it I feel really bad, I must take it back soon.

I am sure that people will agree It's hard when you're grief stricken to think straight and this is where the funeral directors should help not make matters worse. That moment will never happen again for us and nor should this mistake ever happen to anyone else.

I just feel I let Dad down, or maybe he really didn't want this musuc?

GemJar_2

I don't see any problem in asking for a a discount, you paid them for a service, you tried to give them the CD and they insisted on getting it for themselves (how long does it take to burn a track onto a computer?) this is not your fault.

Strange comparion but say you bought a hair dye in brown and the hairdye dyed your hair red as there had been a mistake with packaging. You hair is still dyed but its not the colour you wanted. You'd go to the company and you wouldn't expect their reply to be "we still dyed your hair" would you?

I hope you get what you want out of this situation and I am sorry for your loss xx

valos_mummy

Agree with Gemjar, it is a strange comparison but it is correct; these things are so important at such a time, and I am sorry for your loss also. My dad didn't really have a favourite piece of music; there was one song (can't remember what it was) but mum didn't really want it played because she'd be too upset. We settled for Ave Maria in the end, bought our own cd and when the time came the track kept skipping!

We just tried to make light of it afterward by saying he obviously didn't want Ave Maria then; although on the day we didn't really notice that much. But like I said, he didn't really have a favourite piece. If he did, and directors mucked it up I would be very upset too. The charity idea sounds lovely.

NGlady

It is a very important thing to you. It is quite different, but, at my Grandmas funeral last year, they was talking about her life and basically said her Husband Ronnie - my Grandad was a RON or a Ronald and never a ronnie. It is a very simple thing that ordinarily would have just been laughed off, but at something so important and emotional it really wasnt acceptable so we did put a letter together to send to the Vicar, nothing too bad just a little mention of our disappointment in this issue and obviously we never even expected any compensation but we did get a letter of apology and that was enough.

gillybean129

We received the full bill today, not that I expected a discount, so I have put together a letter so we will see what happens, will keep you all posted.