Wrong music played at funeral

gillybean129

I'd just like others opinions please.

We recently arranged a funeral for a loved one, painstakingly choosing the music which was a classical piece. The funeral directors would not accept the Cd stating they now use downloaded music. I askes the question what if they got it wrong as there are so many variations, they said as long as I gave all the info on the Cd there would be no problems.

We were very upset when they played the wrong music, and I posted the CD and a letter to the company for investigation.

A representative called round to say that had I given the right information i.e. all the info regarding the music then it might not have happenned. I was adamant I had done this as I mentioned what does arr. mean to the man on the phone, who stated oh it's just who it's arranged by. They then went on to say they couldn't apologise enough and when they looked on itunes there were 38 versions of this piece. The crematoruim had played the wrong piece.

Needless to say the moment was lost and never to be retrieved. At the time of the funeral their rep said, we will have to come to some arrangement, nothing further has been said, we await the bill.

Would it be uncouth to ask for a discount? It doesn't seem right somehow to quibble over this matter a written apology wouldn't go amiss but they haven't responsded in writing as they would be admitting fault wouldn't they?

jamespir

im not sure you could get a discount

it wouldnt hurt asking though

sorry for your loss

hartcjhart

depends what is more important,
the memory of the loved one before death,

a worthless piece of paper with 'sorry' on it

or an ongoing scource of grief to get a discount,

I would put it in the past,mistakes do happen,but surely just remembering the person is better

gillybean129

hartcjhart wrote: »

depends what is more important,
the memory of the loved one before death,

a worthless piece of paper with 'sorry' on it

or an ongoing scource of grief to get a discount,

I would put it in the past,mistakes do happen,but surely just remembering the person is better

You're absolutly right, I just wanted someone else's viewpoint, thank you

churchrat

The point is that this is such an emotional time that each and every memory is important. It will all be played out in memory for years to come and sometimes, no matter how hard you try to forget what is not so important, the image just pops into your head. Conversations, what you wore, who cried, some many little, unimportant things will be remembered.

It is important that each detail is correct, because this is the last loving thing you can do for that person, and if it does not go to plan you can feel as though you have let them down. You have not, of course, let them down, and logically you know this, but it can still make you angry and upset.

It can be hard to remember that these details are not as important as a lifetime of loving. In some ways focusing on details like these can help us get through what is always a very difficult time.

Gillybean, I think that a piece of paper with sorry on it would not be worthless, it would be aknowleding the fact that the day you had so painstakinly arranged had not gone to plan. I would write and ask them to respond to you by letter and yes, I would ask for a discount. They are a business, not a charity, but they often rely on family being too upset to make much of a fuss when things go wrong. Do not be put off by feeling this is "uncouth".

At the very least you could stop it happening to somebody else.

good luck with this, and I am very sorry for your loss.

mikey72

I'm sorry for your loss, and I would have no hesitation in discussing a discount with them.
You have employed them to do a professional service, and the measurement of that is how they treat you, and understanding the grief you feel is important, and while the memory cannot be replaced, they can acknowledge they have underperformed.

McKneff

Life's too short, the death of your loved on has just proved that, move on.
remember you loved on and ask yourself what they would feel about you asking for a discount.

Good luck for the future and let them rest in peace knowing you have peace of mind.

Mcfi5dhc

Ask for a discount and give the money to a charity that your loved one would of approved of.

Then you'll feel a little better and others around the country/world will also benefit in a small way.

Sorry for your loss as well.

Fridge3

gillybean129 wrote: »

At the time of the funeral their rep said, we will have to come to some arrangement, nothing further has been said, we await the bill.

Funeral directors provide a service for a fee and part of that service is to interpret, respect and carry out the wishes of those who employ them. If they fail to do that then a deduction is in order for the error/omission and would appear that there is some acknowledgement of an error here.

mikey72

McKneff wrote: »

Life's too short, the death of your loved on has just proved that, move on.
remember you loved on and ask yourself what they would feel about you asking for a discount.

Good luck for the future and let them rest in peace knowing you have peace of mind.

I thought about this post for a while, and whether to post or not, as I would hate to sound as if I meant to offend the op, but to be honest, I have bargained for most things for most of my life, and I personally would be very pleased if my wife or children got a discount.

FATBALLZ

Mcfi5dhc wrote: »

Ask for a discount and give the money to a charity that your loved one would of approved of.

Then you'll feel a little better and others around the country/world will also benefit in a small way.

Sorry for your loss as well.

Great idea - undertakers have a habit of profiteering off the back of people who are too grief striken to argue, and feel guilty about, trying to negotiate a reasonable deal. Definitely the undertakers don't deserve full, if any, payment for this. Putting the money towards a cause your loved one would have approved of should set the balance of things straight.