Debt and Secrecy

Emmzi

Margaret,

there may be a bigger problem here if he isn't giving you enough cash to manage, or you feel the need to buy 'stuff' - usually a sign of being unhappy with something else.

It's up to you if you want to tackle the underlying reason, of course. But if OH is worth sticking with...he'll want to help.

jaja_3

Another thought, and I am sorry to be negative here.....

We just got bounced on a remortgage, so to find out way I checked my credit file this morning, all greek to me so OH had a look he is now going to sort out his to see if that was the problem?

Our financial bod said the company said there was a 'problem' with the credit file and not what, so up to us to find out.
that wouldnt be a good way for him to find out either.

Sorry, I am sure its very hard for you - I too think you should try confessing, maybe in stages gently?

Hope everything goes ok for you.

Jaja

margaretkb

Emmzi I am a serial buyer of stuff to cheer me up - always have been. Got into debts many years ago, hubby knew went ballistic - and I mean ballistic - I took 2 extra jobs to pay off debt. Did it. I arrived at this second debt partly by changing jobs but to less money!!and through failed IVF and resulting depression (you don't realise it at the time) and just being totally crap with money.My own fault. and to do it twice!
thanks for all your comments everyone.

margaretkb

the thing is Ja Ja my credit reference is excellent!!! I always pay on time!

jaja_3

Aha, now depression I think has a lot to do with it.

Dont know if you have read my SOA, but my OH went into depression when we were in deep deep do'do's and went and bought a new car on finance without telling me, I was furious at the time:mad: even threatened to leave him.
Now he is better, we can BOTH see it was the illness and even laugh about it now, in a warped sort of way

Would he understand the illness side of things?

jaja

Emmzi

margaretkb wrote:

Emmzi I am a serial buyer of stuff to cheer me up - always have been. Got into debts many years ago, hubby knew went ballistic - and I mean ballistic - I took 2 extra jobs to pay off debt. Did it. I arrived at this second debt partly by changing jobs but to less money!!and through failed IVF and resulting depression (you don't realise it at the time) and just being totally crap with money.My own fault. and to do it twice!
thanks for all your comments everyone.

He'll know you haven't been right then.

Whatever you decide, good luck. And big hugs.

margaretkb

I don't know - I'm scared HE'LL get depressed ...I think it might push him over the edge he's a real perfectionist and worrier.

I'm glad you managed to sort things out tho must be a relief!

jaja_3

You never know, I used to suffer myself but when the OH started I had to be the strong one and care for him - never looked back.

Whatever you decide, stay around there is plenty of support for you here.

g'night

jaja x

margaretkb

thank you and goodnight to you too. Margaret x

lynzpower

One thing that happened when I went for my mortgage is that they took the amount of debt I owed, multiplied it 3 times then deducted that from what i was offered. I found another lender who would give me what I needed, but if your hubby doenst know, then seriously he could well find out this way

Lynz
xx