From Trash to Cash: the £100 to 10K Dribble thread, Part Deux

babymoo

cally6008 wrote: »

mission for cat people (and everyone else) - looking for one of these balls ... but must be pink
(it's for the boy cat, he's a bit gay lol, seriously he only plays with his pink ball and it's lost and it's not under or in the cooker this time)

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/BNIP-cat-balls-with-bells_W0QQitemZ220566728258QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Pet_Supplies_Cats?hash=item335acd2e42

gone to work, if you find owt, please PM me with it, thanks

My cat hates them but will keep an eye out for ya! Ours will only play with foam balls that he can carry around in his mouth then drop downstairs and chase it lol

babymoo

Hugs nikki xx

nikki2804

I don't think its PND. OH and his family annoyed me before I gave birth. Got a little better when the LO was born but now its back to me hating him.

The families scum. He lets them walk all over him at our expense. I'm just fed up and want my own way for once. An easy life where I don't need to worry about his family popping up with 'old debts' or threatening to batter me.

How easy is it to change the LO surname without the fathers consent? Does anyone know?

moneymabel

Are you married to him or did you just give them his name?

His family sound delightful :-/

MummyandPaige

victoriaplum1 wrote: »

I had it awful with first ds for about 3 years after he was born but with second I have escaped it so far, think shock of it all brought it on first time....

Think the shock did it for me too, the shock of OHs reaction to the changes! Think I had about 2 months of level headedness before DD2 was on her way.....

tip of the day: if you are breastfeeding, don't listen to the doctor when he says, "Wait for your periods to return before you go on the pill" it will be too late! Thats how I ended up with 2 babies so close together.

Anyway, DD2 is now 6 months and its not as bad as the first time round, but I am still hiding away from the world and it doesn't take much to land me in floods of tears, but I am coping better than before because both me and OH know what to expect this time round.

jo70mo

Nikk - big hugs. sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do.
Would suggest first of all imagining things as they are but without OH being irresponsible with money. Don't make it rose eyed as if everything would be magical but realistic. Would there be love there, what would your feelings about him be, what does he bring to your relationship and your family that you really value.
Take the money behaviour out of the equation and see what you are left with.

If you think about it and come up with feeling good about him except for that then move on to think about what him being reckless with money means to you - does it make you feel insecure and that he doesn't take the security of you and your baby seriously or is it other feelings. What could he specifically do that would help you to feel ok about him and money? Can you stay in the relationship if he does not make changes?

You cannot make him change but you can explain the situation to him from your point of view and give him information about where you stand in order for him to decide if he does want to change things.
Say what you love about the relationship and explain what fears you have when he owes his brother money or goes on strike for the day and what you would specifically like to happen. Explain that as much as you know you can't force him to change you have to take responsibility for your peace of mind and happiness and if the relationship doesn't give you that then ..... "whatever you decide would be the right action"
Ask if he is prepared to work with you and make changes and if he has any ideas of his own for improving things.
I
f he agrees to try and sort things out then aree to have a discussion about it again in a couple of months or less to see how its going for both of you.
These are just my thoughts and you might not be at this stage of despair in your relationship but I think it always helps to clarify what is real for you and what you are prepared to put up with and what you aren't - knowng that the other person may well not choose to change.
If you look at him without the money worries and still don't find much love then it is again a matter of deciding is there enough in this relationship for me to stay or is it just too little and I want out.
I know its not always clear cut but it is easy to spend many years of your life going if only they would do xyz when it is quite clear they are not going too. you have to work out what it means to you and what your limits are. Give him the information about what your concerns are how you'd like to address them and what you will need to do for yourself if he doesn't want to change.

Try not to make it an ultimatum just information sharing about what your fears are and how you will address them.

On a smaller scale I do this with DS who is very impulsive and can be very intense. sometimes he gets so full of anger or frustartion that he lashes out.
I let him know that when he hits me it hurts me and doesn't help me to understand what the problem is. I also tell him that sometimes we do get feelings we don't know how to deal with and that he is still learning and so I will take responsibility for myself and that I will let him know that it hurts that I love him and that I am just going to go into a different room to keep myself safe.

It is not true that I can only be ok if he stops hitting me - I can take myself away. I hope this helps him see that he doesn't have to change someone else to be ok and that we can choose how to respond to someone who is hurting and upsetting us.So gradually he learns to deal with his anger in a not hitting way and to choose a different response..
Its not about making the other person wrong but about saying what we will need to do for us to feel ok. They can be part of that or not depending on what is right for them.
ie at this point DS can decide not to hit me or your OH can decide to tackle the money stuff and if they don't we have to be responsible for doing the things that will be right for us.
Hope this makes sense and please know I am not saying you should do this just offering some suggestions.
Jo

moneymabel

Just had a quick google and I think you will need his permission, lots of different rules and regulations though so some might apply.

Thinking of you hun, hope it all works out for the best.

MummyandPaige

Sorry Nikki - you are right, sounds bad, that the main reason I get depressed and think about walking, just when I think we are getting somewhere, someone else is putting him through court, in the last 2 months alone, we have had to pay out over £2000 in court fines and debts and thats not the end of it, 2 more arrived yesterday. Just wish he would strt thinking about the future for once, I want a mortgage and my own house, I want to be able to apply for a credit card if I want to, I want to go on holidays and do normal things. Sorry ranting, will shut up now, but I really do know how you are feeling!

To change a name you will need his consent if the birth was registered after 2002 and he is on the birth certificate, unless he is dead. No, I am not suggesting you go that far! But looked into it myself in the darker days. Sorry!

Hales

Hugs Saucy,

Happy Birthday Nixi & Babymoo :beer:

WTG on reaching £1,000 Glis

Ive got 20 items ending on ebay soon - 3 will sell - fingers crossed for last minute bids!!

Hugs to anyone else that needs them too!!

Hales
x

victoriaplum1

is great that this forum is so helpful not only on money making front but personal level too....nice to know other people care or are in similar situation when all starts getting on top of you. Is easy to think you are on your own esp if feeling like groundhog day with young children and endless chores to do, but just think wont be too many years before they will be all grown up and we'll be wishing them young again. My advice would be to take one day at a time and dont beat yourself up about things, take time for yourself now and again and try to see the bigger picture rather than get bogged down in the nitty gritty all the time. And as I read somewhere 'I do try to take one day at a time but can't help it if often 3 days attack me at once' lol