Separating....but where to start?

wannabe_sybil

I think then that you are doing the right thing - and it is better for the children not to be in a strained atmosphere, and no matter how hard you try there will be moments which the kids will pick up on.

Good luck!

floss2

Have you spoken to your local authority's homeless team for advice? Or contacted Shelter? You also need to get onto the housing lists with all local housing associations. Have you spoken to your bank/building society re the mortgage on your current home?

I went through the same experience: he eventually moved out, but we had already put house on market & found a buyer as it wasn't possible to keep it on with repayments of 80% of my income. I was lucky enough to move me & my 2 sons to share with my mum in her home until I had saved enough for a private-rental deposit where we lived for 12 months. In the meantime I was on the housing lists for the Council and all the local housing associations. From moving into mums to moving into a HA house was approximately 17 months.

silvercar

If you are not working then you will not get a private rental without someone acting as guarantor. With a debt management plan in place I would guess your credit record and ex-'s are not good, so he might not be accepted as guarantor.
If you did find a private rental, I doubt you would get it all paid by housing benefit while you have a financial interest in the house; this is another reason why a private landlord may not be interested. If you didn't get all the rent paid in housing benefit, how would you afford the rent?

So it probably means you staying in the house and him getting a cheap rental elsewhere. Financially that is going to be difficult, so find out what benefits you would get as a single mum with kids. If that isn't going to be enough for you both to survive, then you are going to have to think about getting a job.

The bottom line is that the two of you have struggled to survive on one income when together, running two households on that one income is going to be impossible unless the benefits are enough to make a difference.

It may be that the "luxury" of being a stay at home mum is no longer open to you. Remember that you can get tax credits if you work and have children and you get help with childcare costs - upto 80% paid by the state.

belfastgirl23

Alotgoingon wrote: »

Actually we havent told them yet....i dont want something like this to haunt the rest of their lives any more than it has too.....i know that probably sounds a little naive but so far its been nearly 3 weeks and we are doing ok ish with each other. We havent decided at this stage yet who should move out.....so he is still living here. When one of us does live i am going to make sure that they see him loads and that he is still in their life as much as possible....and they wont lose their friends as i will make sure of that.

Sorry to hear that you had such a hard time with it all......as someone who has had it happen what are the best things that we could do to make it easier for them? For instance we are waiting till the last two have had their birthdays with us "together" before we tell them and everyone else....hopefully it will work out that way....

I guess my advice is to hunker down where you are for a year and let the fallout settle. We made an ill-advised move to a different town (different school and actually different country, Ireland being divided as it is) also from country village type atmosphere closer to city. Then we moved again when we realised this wasn't right for us either back to mid sized town. Both times losing all sets of friends in the process. Given we were already unsettled by the split up it was too much. It's not that I have a lot of advice except to say this is the wrong way to do things....

Lots of luck!

gratefulforhelp_2

A solicitor would advise the person with care of the children to stay in the house, generally.

kingfisherblue

Perfect10 wrote: »

I Housing benefit goes straight into your bank account so a Landlord doesn't even necessarily have to know.

I beleive that you should tell your landlord if you receive HB, as it can invalidate insurance otherwise.

To the OP, I am a single parent following the break up of my marriage. I do not work as I am primary carer for my three children - one has complex needs. I could not afford to pay the mortgage on my own and I didn't want to move. The house has been adapted for my son's disabilities; moving would have been traumatic for my children, especially as it could also have meant a change of school - everything in their life would have changed overnight almost.

I get help from the DWP with my mortgage as I claim income support. I realise that your circumstances are a little different - I'm assuming that your children don't have any disabilities. I received a lot of help from www.gingerbread.org.uk and www.oneparentfamily.co.uk

If you don't currently work, the lone parent advisors at the Job Centre can also help you. If you are claiming any benefits, you need an account in your name only, and to close any joint accounts. You will be able to get 25% discount on Council Tax, as you will be the only adult in the property (wherever you live).

I don't know about the DMP as we were not in this position, but if most of the debt was in his name, could it be transferred solely to your husband?

Alotgoingon

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I guess my advice is to hunker down where you are for a year and let the fallout settle. We made an ill-advised move to a different town (different school and actually different country,

Not planning for either of us too move too far away as we both want him still to have alot of contact with the children and for him to be near enough hopefully for the eldest to walk to his....

Alotgoingon

floss2 wrote: »

Have you spoken to your local authority's homeless team for advice? Or contacted Shelter? You also need to get onto the housing lists with all local housing associations. Have you spoken to your bank/building society re the mortgage on your current home?

Havent spoken to local authoritys homeless team yet but thats a good idea...am going this week to get on the housing lists as when i had a look even though i am on the deeds for the house because living here together still would not be "reasonable" i am able to get help from them. All the local housing assoc only take from our local council refers. I do need to speak to the bank re the mortgage though.

Spoke to Shelter and she gave me some advice though it wasnt anything that i sort of hadnt found out anyway.....but she did clarify that it is reasonable to not want to stay in the marital home...especially as i dont earn and cant at the moment and wouldnt be able to afford it.