Please help. At the end of my tether and can't take any more

Happytogetdebtfree

Pauper princess, so sorry about your husaband i didnt realise you could be sacked for sickness even if they are certified somehome i feel its unfair ? good luck with the appeal and chin up, big hugs xx

Darnit_2

PP, hugs to you.

There is a lot I could say, but I think you know what you have to do. Just try and do it in stages. Give him lists of jobs to do while you are at work until he gets in the swing. Sit down and explain the pressure it is putting you under, but do try and be supportive.

Perhaps he can re-train for a career in IT if he likes being on the computer? Can you get him to enrol for something that he could work for himeslf for? yo need a plan, together, to get through this.

Good luck hun

MyopicMoo

Sorry to hear how stressed you feel. Definitely get advice - has he spoken to his union? He might be depressed, my OH did a couple of years ago when he was not working, it can be very frustrating and infuriating if you are living with someone in this position, however much you love them.

He needs to have a plan of action for job hunting -and you both need to look closely at your budget to look at where you can save money. If you have big debts a DMP may be an option, try one of the free groups - CCCS, CAB or National Debtline. I would try to sort this side of things out as soon as possible - once it is done it will take some of the pressure off allowing you to focus on other things.

God luck

katsu

savingmummy wrote: »

If his sickness is certificated i am sure they can`t sack him

I'm afraid it is perfectly legal to sack someone who has doctors certificates for absence, or someone with a disability.

Employers have to make reasonable adjustments to accomodate a disabled person, if someone is off work a long time the employer can decide they cannot accomodate the absence.

Perhaps you could encourage your husband to talk to his GP incase he is depressed?

As a postman do they have a benevolent fund he could apply to for some short term financial help?

Good luck.

katsu

Pauper_Princess wrote: »

This latest absence has been ongoing since May last year <snip> He applied for 4 jobs last week

OP, please don't take this the wrong way but if he is applying for other jobs could he not have gone back to the desk job they had for him last year? Could he ask to try it again?

KPR11

Hi PP

Hope things work out for you.

saxysarah

Chin up PP u'll get lots of support from here to get u through the bad days - if hubby likes the pc he can get ebaying like crazy that'll help a bit! xx

QueenBeruthiel

Does he belong to a union? Are they aware of his problems? Can they offer help and advice? Is a union rep attending his appeal hearing?

miggy

This is really hard for you PP; I'm sorry I don't have the expertise to help much but would echo the suggestion that you try to find time for a GP visit, and also that you write things down first. If you would feel better with a friend in tow, then take one.
I know it can be really hard to get an appointment at a time that fits in with work, but I hope you can find something.
WRT your husband sitting at the computer all day: I see myself in that, and yes, it can be a symptom of depression. I would suggest you both take the approach that a little help from him is better than nothing, and that you may need to be very specific and ask him to do just one job a day. Hopefully he will eventually build this up. Focusing on what he has done, even if it's just washing the dishes, and letting him know you appreciate it, is a step towards him feeling better about himself. I truly believe that depression affects not only how we perceive ourselves, but also what we see in our environment, and he literally may not see all that needs to be done.
Having said all that - your job sounds demanding enough without the strain of looking after a house as well, so I hope he begins to pull his weight.
And best wishes for his job search, your relationship and all the financial stuff. If you can't cope with a whole SOA at once, just do one section at a time.
:grouphug: hugs

daviesalie_2

savingmummy wrote: »

The 2 years sick has been totted up by various things where he's had say 2 months off here and 4 months there, all with things like back and neck problems (he was a postie) and all covered with sick notes. This latest absence has been ongoing since May last year and he's had sick notes all along, together with 2 rounds of physio and various scans etc but we still don't know what it is (knee pain). He's now waiting for an operation to remove ligament from his knee (I think). But because there's still no proper diagnosis he's not covered under any disability acts

If his sickness is certificated i am sure they can`t sack him, maybe worth having a word with CAB or getting some help with that!

(only half way through thread so sorry if this has already been said)
I think they can - sounds like he's been finished because he's 'not fit for work', but definitely look into it further I could be wrong - is he in a union, a union rep should know or you could have a look on the ACAS website. You should have received a letter explaining everything and stipulating the reason for their decision.

Good luck with it all and I know its easier said than done but take one step at a time or you'll just be overwhelmed by everything and things will seem a lot worse. Do you have a friend you can confide in as it sounds like your having to cope with this alone, a sympathetic ear can do wonders.