Qu for school teachers

Frith

After many years of problems, in court last week the judge ordered that my ex-husband cannot have any contact with my children. My ex husband said he did not want to see them in a contact centre so in fact he is having no contact with them at all.

I was just wondering if any teachers knew what I should say to school? I have given the head a copy of the court order and a very short covering letter explaining that the ex should not be allowed to collect the children (should he decide to turn up).

Do teachers see this sort of thing quite often? Will they have a procedure in place and tell the other teachers? What will happen about school letters and report and so on, will they think to send him a copy?

Just to complicate matters a little bit more, the ex is a school governor!

Thank you in advance.

melorablack

Not a teacher but....when I was a kid my mum was in the same situation and told the school only her, my grandparents and my mums best friend were allowed to pick us up from school and they were ok with that.

My OH's little sister's school actually has a list of people allowed to collect each child and parents have to ring in advance if someone else is to pick them up.

Frith

Thanks, MB.

Yes, the school does have a policy about that. If someone different is going to pick your children up, you have to let the school know in the morning. I'm not sure whether teachers actually remember all the details of every child though, or just let them go if they see that the child recognises someone!

melorablack

OH's sister is still in infant school and the kids are literally kept with the teacher until the parent comes to get them (it wasn't like this when I was in school we were just let out into the playground to find our own parents lol!) so I think the teachers get to know the people who pick the kids up each day. I don't know how old your children are but maybe the school has a policy like this?

Plus times when my mum was really worried about my dad picking us up from school she asked the teacher if we could stay in the classroom/school hall until she came into the school to get us. Maybe they will let you make an arrangement like that?

Guinea_2

Ensure that you have told the head teacher and also the class teacher and any teaching assistants that deal with your child. Have a private meeting with the class teacher as well, just to put them in the picture...maybe even ask that the year group adults could meet with you?
I did have this once where the Mum had told us (the school) that Dad was not allowed to take the children at home time. One day, he turned up at 3pm and Mum hadn't told us that Dad was collecting the children so we had to keep the children away from Dad and phone Mum. :eek: Mum had 'made up' with Dad and not bothered to tell us that Dad was now allowed to pick up the children! :mad:

kingfisherblue

I would also give a copy to any clubs that your children attend, such as Brownies.

I'm a guider and there was an occasion in the past when the mother was applying for supervised contact only for her ex to see their daughter. She explained it to me and said that I wasn't allowed to let the child go with her dad, so I requested a copy of the court order. That was when she told me that she was in the process of applying. It wasn't granted, but dad didn't turn up anyway until a few weeks later, when mum had made up with him.

If there had been a court order, though, I would have abided by it and I would also have informed my assistant guiders and my district commissioner.

PrincessPlaty

Just been pointed in the direction of this thread by a friend of mine!

My girls father has parental responsibility over my girls, however he is not allowed anywhere near them and there is an anti molestation order in place.

When DD1 started school i had a meeting with the head teacher and the class teacher prior to her starting school, i explained the situation to them and gave them a copy of the court order, they also asked me to provide photographs of him and any other person that he may use to try and collect the child (close friends, family members etc) i made it crystal clear that it would only ever be myself collecting her. In case of an emergency a password system has been set up with the school, i will ring them and tell them the name of the person who is collecting them and they will only accept it if i can provide them with the password, the person collecting her (if its not me) then has to take identification to prove who they are and also be aware of the password before they are allowed access to me DD.

DD2 has just started preschool and the procedure was exactly the same with them also.

It came across to me as it was a situation they dealt with as more than just a one off, and my concerns were taken seriously.

As kingfisherblue stated above you will need to do the same for any school clubs aswell, and also make sure their friends parents are aware if they are going round for their tea or to play also!

milliebear00001

I'm a primary teacher, and yes, schools do have procedures in place for such things. You need to put your request in writing (which you may already have done). Proof of court order is useful, in case dad tries to be sneaky. You can (and should) request that he be sent a separate copy of any school reports/correspondence. If your child is Key Stage 1, it's likely s/he will be 'let out' by the teacher to a recognised adult. You can request they do not release your child to their father. In Key Stage 2, children often leave on their own. If you prefer, you can request that they are kept in class until you arrive to collect them from the classroom.

The school should ensure any teachers/supply etc are made aware of your situation.

luxor4t

Secondary schools also have procedures for this

countrygirl27

As a teacher I can say that we do see this sort of thing all the time and not to be embarrassed! The school I work in half the kids are not seeing one or the other parent or in the process of being taken into care.

It happens more than you think!

(Also sometimes the kids just tell their teacher what is going on anyway and all the ins and outs of it)

squashy

Tell the Head, tell the office, and tell the class teacher.

The head will advise on any course of action needed eg PPA cover teacher to be informed.

The office will have a list where they will keep your ex's name. They will also enter the information onto the SIMS database including your ex's new address. You will need to specify that letters are to also go to him. They will also be the point of contact for signing children out early for appointments so it's important for them to be aware of any exceptions.

The teacher is on the ground level and will be prepared for anything your child raises. Of course they will be at the classroom door ona daily basis and ought to know who is and is not allowed to pick the children up. They will also be responsible for sending letters so let them know the arrangements for this too.