4 year old bully!?!

hobo28

She is however also told don't start anything but finish it.

Thats what I try to teach my kids but I think at 4 years old, it's not going to work.

I would make a hell of a stink at school, get their anti-bullying policy and if they aren't following it, I'd raise it with everyone and cause them as much hassle as you can until it becomes easier for the teachers to deal with it than fob you off. Ring your MP, your LEA, the head daily (3 times, 4 times) whatever it takes until they are SO sick of you that they deal with it.

I'd also speak to the mum involved first (nicely), to give her a chance to speak to her daughter and nip it in the bud. At 4 years old, I doubt there is malice involved.

Has your sister's partner had a word? Us men are generally a bit more forceful with teachers which I've found helps spur them into action.

greytroot

Please do not speak to the little girls' mum, if it goes the wrong way it will cause a lot more hassle.

Just inform the school and tell them what you want to happen. If it is remove the bully or stop the bullying. Maybe it is time for the school to have mentors or a wee chat to everyone about bullying. There is plenty of media out there to help. The school has a duty of care - check their charter.

I sympathise with you. It was bullying of my ex's daughter that caused the breakup of our relationship.

patchwork_cat

Hi
In my experience tell your niece never to retaliate because a)the teacher sees something in the corner of her eye i.e the bully pushing your niece retaliates by which point the teacher is fully looking and who gets told off yes your niece. b) the bully will do exactly what she did go around crying and telling all the classmates and your niece is the one being ignored.

You must tackle this with the school. They should have an anti bullying policy and as soon as it happens again in the new school year I would make an appointment with the head and say as per your anti bullying policy blah blah.

It is odd that children quite often love the bully. I have obseved this a number of times more with my daughter and her peers than my son - if he is picked on he hates the child, but I wonder if girls are different as they seem to play quite happily with the bully and then there will be a falling out and the nipping, I'm not your friend anymore - type behaviour.

Your sister could ask to pop into a classroom and observe quitely during break time occasionally - obviously without the children knowing. A friend of mine did this as they were worried that their son wasn't making friends. It might paint a clearer picture and she can say I saw .... or maybe put her mind at rest.
Miss K_ensington Hi - I went to Queen Mary, so we grew up in the same area-

tinkerbell1978

yesterday it was just verbal but still had an impact my sister has written a letter to the school, my sister said if the child bites her she will go to the mother and talk to her as the other little girl she is doing it to has apparently gone home with bite marks!

aeuerby

culpepper wrote:

All schools probably do have an anti bullying 'policy' .It doesn't mean they actually use it. (Ours didn't) .

Our school doesn't use it either even though they have one.

culpepper wrote:

As for not taking the bullied child out because the bully will turn to another child, that would not be the bullied childs problem. It would remain the school's problem to deal with as before .

No it wouldn't be the bullied childs problem I agree. But it would appear this school is not dealing with it and all schools need to be forced into dealing with all incidences of bullying. By removing a bullied child this doesn't happen. The bully wins and moves onto the next victim. The school then has 1 less "problem" to solve.

I could list a number of children who have changed schools because of being bullied in our school and it still goes on.

patchwork_cat wrote:

Hi
In my experience tell your niece never to retaliate because a)the teacher sees something in the corner of her eye i.e the bully pushing your niece retaliates by which point the teacher is fully looking and who gets told off yes your niece. b) the bully will do exactly what she did go around crying and telling all the classmates and your niece is the one being ignored.

Telling a child not to retaliate did not work in my daughters case. She was "bullied" from around 4 too. All the teachers used to say was "keep away". What use is that?

Since telling my daughter to hit back it has settled down alot. Having said that what works for one doesn't work for another.

Tinkerbell,

I'm glad your sister has put her concerns in writing and I hope she continues to do so.

If your niece is bitten then your sister can report it to the police as it would be assault. Maybe a visit from the police might spur the school into tackling the problem and even scare the child out of bullying?

A child is never too young to learn right from wrong.

hobo28

greytroot wrote:

Please do not speak to the little girls' mum, if it goes the wrong way it will cause a lot more hassle.

That depends on the type of parent she is. When my daughter had a similar issue, I spoke to the boy's dad who was utterly mortified and dealt with it. A lot of the time parents just don't know. From what I've read, it sounds like the mum is trying to stop her own child from being bullied but hasn't considered the side effects of her "lessons".

I'd at least give her a chance. Don't go all heavy and accusing. Be nice and polite.

maggiesoup

Was reading with interest about the little 4 year old being bullied and wonder if anyone can help with a fairly recent bullying episode but with an older child.

My son's supposedly "best" friends have been giving him a really hard time over the school holidays for no apparent reason, he simply seems to be the one they are picking on at the moment. All verbal slagging and of course picking his most obvious weakness (he has a couple of protruding teeth and is wearing a brace at the moment) I'm sure he's trying to give (verbally) as good as he's getting but yesterday, in tears, he told me when there's 3 against 1 it's just getting too much.

They have been with each other quite a lot since the holidays began, walking about town, overnights at houses etc. so probably seeing far too much of each other (and they're driving all the mums nuts with their silly pranks, typical boys) but my real worry is that I've booked him into a 10 day residential camp in a week's time and he's sharing a dorm with the 3 other boys. I'm filled with dread at the thought that he won't be able to get away from them for a break night or day for the time and I'm worried that when he calls me with an update every few days that he may be in fits of tears and be really upset. I know I may seem like an over-protective mum and he's probably going to have to put up with lots more in just growing up, but I was bullied for a couple of years when I was his age and even him talking about his bullying is bringing all the pain back and I simply can't bear the thought of him going through what I did.

I'm thinking of speaking to each of the boys personally and asking them to stop the cruel verbal abuse but can't help but feel this might end up with my son being even more ridiculed?

Can anyone please give me any advice or websites to look at to offer help.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Why not have a word with the 'head person' at the camp who 'll be responsible for the boys' welfare and explain there's been a bit of friction lately and would they keep a weather eye open and nip anything nasty in the bud as soon as it starts?

The kids may behave quite differently away from home as their usual support systems won't be available. Having a word with the boys and/or their parents may make them all very defensive, which may not help your DS.

loopy-loo73

Hi,

When my daughter started school she was bullied by an older child who was in their class (he had learning difficulties so was with younger kids for class). I told her she should stand up for herself which she managed ok but i was still in & out of school. It all got sorted eventually as the boys mum started coming in at playtimes to supervise her son as the school didnt have the resources.

The problem really was the following couple of years she kept getting in trouble for fighting. Thing is standing up for herself with kids her own age resulted in children crying to teacher & my DD getting in trouble even when she didnt start it! it was so frustrating :mad: I then had to undo my 'stand up for yourself' attitude and revert to 'don't hit back - tell' it took a lot of getting used to but we managed eventually.

My stance eventually became (& and still is) ...
fighting is wrong
if somebody in your class tries to hurt you tell on them
if a stranger / adult / older child tries to hurt you (or do anything you don't like) then kick, scream, run away & then tell

Good luck ... hope you sort things out

Maggiesoup ... i hope you sort your son out too ... sounds like he's having a rotton time ... good luck.

Lou.

bikerqueen

maggiesoup

please dont talk to the other boys!

I like the idea of letting the head coach know and asking them to keep an eye. Away from home things often seem quite diffenet.