A Little Advice on a difficult situation needed!

misgrace

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Both you and your half brother feel that your mother abandoned you. You lived with close blood relatives and watched from afar as your mother brought up a new family. Your half brother didn't even get that - he was far away and it must have seemed like he had been erased from her memory.

I think your mother has an awful lot of explaining to do - to both of you.

I would feel very resentful and ill-used if Mother wanted me to be a go-between. Is she so cowardly and guilty that she can't face her son herself? Has she ever expressed her sorrow at leaving you with relatives while she lived a new life?

I can't feel sorry for her at all but I feel very sorry for the two abandoned children.

My sentiments exactly, I really feel for you and your brother, and part of me feels for your mother, because I had a similar situation where my son wanted to live with his father, and I agreed, but it went wrong, as ex oh went out of his way to make it very diffricult for me to see my son, or him to see me, I wont go into too much detail as my story is very sad, however, I fought tooth and nail to get him back, it took me 2 years but I did it.

Your brother is resentful and I dont blame him as your mother had years to do something about keeping some sort of contact whatever her circumstances were at the time.
Even back then you could go through Social workers and arrange a place and time to visit, and I can understand your prediciment too staying with your nan, as again my mother did that with me, it was only she wanted me back as a work horse that I came back to stay with her, and it wasnt a happy home.
I ended up hating her, and have never forgiven her for the things she did to me.
It will take years for the hurt to fade if it ever does, and I take my hat off to you for trying to build a relationship with your mother, unfortunately I couldnt with mine, and I hope you and your brother succeeds.

Perhaps your mother could write your brother a letter explaining why she didnt contact him.

tandraig

I didnt want to read and run, but can only echo what others have already said. its great that you have contact with your brother after so long, but hun, dont be put in the position of go-between. make it plain to your brother that you have your own issues with your mother and make it doubly plain to your mother that SHE is the one who has to mend the bridges and explain herself to your brother - how can you do this if plainly you dont understand yourself why these things happened?
I really dont want to post what i think of your mother!
I just hope that you can get on with your life and find happiness and I include your brother in this hope.