Lone parent/IS changes to JSA

maxmycardagain

pendart wrote: »

Thanks for coming to my defence!!! Advice is what I am looking for.

Its easy to sit in judgement of others, some are just bitter twisted keyboard warriors who havent been where you are....

laurenjs88

It's tough,

Some people have no other aspirations in life other than to raise their children, Some stay out for work for so long that the thought of not looking after the children and actually having to do something makes them panic.

I went back to work in July 09 (as a single mum) my little girl was 18months she was in daycare 7.30 - 6pm everyday, Its bloody hard and I missed her like crazy, I dont and have never had any support from her "dad" my OH lived and worked over 110 miles away in Grimsby, My parents are both "coppers" so I has no support from anybody but myself.

But being "just a mum" was probably the most mundane and depressing period of my life, Going back to work almost instantly dealt with my PND and I was off AD's within weeks.

My daughter has made some absolutley gorgeous little friends at Nursery , she loves to go and loves her key-worker, She is incredably intelligent and rivals the kids a year or 2 older than her. And although she has always been bright I have to thank the Nursery for harrnessing that spark in her and continuing to encourage & challenge her.

I have no doubt that I on my own would not have had the skills or no-how to make her flourish as much as she has.

And also, I was £120 a week better off going back to work full time - £40 of that being IWC - so £80 a week better off after all of my bills and actually started living a life with my daughter.... So anyone that says they will be worse off really hasnt done the maths correctly!

I'm worse off now that my OH has relocated to be with us as a family than I ever was as a working single mum!

maxmycardagain

dmg24 wrote: »

If they did I would be suggesting they visit their GP!

you havent quite grasped my meaning have you....



think about it or PM me......

missmontana

Well said Pendart, people are often quick to judge without knowing the full picture.
I am getting off my bum to go to my Work Focused Interview today, so will be discussing some of the issues raised and will keep you all updated!
Good luck to all those in the same situation, please feel free to share any helpful advice you may have received.

Indie_Kid

pendart wrote: »

My concerns are the quality of childcare, the practical side of getting to places on time, the school holidays etc. With two parents there is more flexibility.

Is there? From the age of about 10, I hardly saw either of my parents due to their working patterns. There wasn'tr that much flexibility with them both doing nights.

Please split your post up - it's nigh on impossible to read.

AnxiousMum

pendart wrote: »

I stand firm that it is my childrens right and my right as a parent to be there for my children and I am prepared to save up to support myself during the holidays. What I don't agree with is the changing of the age limit from twelve to seven.

I would be happy to walk in your shoes for a day if you walk in mine. Also I will not be claiming JSA on principle, even though I will be looking for employment that fits in with my family commitments I am not 'available for work' my job is to make sure my children get to school on time and are looked after during holidays.

Fair enough - but I also feel that it is MY children's right to be able to be provided for in the same way as other children. If I were to quit work as part of a working couple, my children would go without a heck of alot. With me working, they get some extras, and we are fortunate enough to have hours to work around our children - but that took time to get. It's annoying to hear people complain that once their child is in school they feel ripped off because they are being told to go to work. Yes, circumstances in places vary in terms of what is available in terms of childcare etc. Same goes for anybody, anywhere. Teaching jobs were not in abundance in Canada - so did we go on benefits? No, we moved to where there was work available - had to uproot our family away from all they knew as familiar, take them to a strange country, away from family and friends. They have adjusted well, but it was a heck of a move to have to make to get work. So, those problems arise anywhere, it's just a matter of what you are prepared to do about it to better your own life.

As for 'walking a mile in my shoes'.......sorry - I've been in yours, worked hard to get out of it, and I've earnt the right to wear the ones I'm wearing now - so they're not available for loan.

I have a friend in uni right now doing her PGCE - she lives out of Manchester area - her husband commutes to work in Scotland on a weekly basis, she is going to university in Bath, and she has to commute once a month for her placement down to Kent. Oh, she has two children in primary school. It's not impossible - takes a hell of alot of hard work.

But please remember, some of us working, and particularly those who work hours that mean they cannot take their kids to school or be home on holidays, would think that their children have the same rights as yours - but because they have a working partner, they simply cannot afford to do it. Go figure.....

Just re-reading this - it is coming over a little nasty I think - I don't mean it that way whatsoever, just standing up for the 'working mums in a relationship' who believe our children have just as many rights as the children of a single parent family.

SingleSue

I must admit I did find it easier as a partnership.....my husband would work during the day and I would be home and available to take the children to all their appointments and therapies, then he would come home from work, we would meet like ships in the night for a (rushed) evening meal and then I would be out the door within 20 minutes of him coming in to do an evening/night shift.

Now there is just me, it would be nigh on impossible to work during the day (although I have tried in quiet periods to find employment) because of the sheer scale of medical appointments needed covering 3 children (and that was if I could actually find someone willing to take my younger two..they may be 11 and 13 but due to their disabilities, are not safe to be left to their own devices) and for evening/night work which would fit in with their appointments/therapies, there is just no childcare available.

I hate being on benefits, I hate the more mundane part of being a mum, I would love to be out there standing on my own two feet (as I have always done from leaving school, right up until the last few years) and earning a crust...but the support to do it is just not there, something which was easier as part of a couple.

AnxiousMum

Sue - when you have a child, or more than one child! that needs excessive medical appointments etc., it has to be extremely hard whether with a partner or without. I do not envy your job at all.

Children with disabilities and children without though - are two totally separate issues. As your signature says, 'keep battling on, I will get there eventually'.....and I do love your eldest boys comment - brings a smile

SingleSue

Oh yes I agree.....seems especially hard right now as we are going through a bit of a rough patch (middle one has developed cellulitis in the last day, youngest had an asthma attack at 2am this morning, just been up to the hospital for middle son and upto the big hospital on Thursday for eldest son and this is supposed to be a quiet week!), feel like I need matchsticks to keep my eyes open!

He has a sense of humour my eldest.

elisebutt65

AnxiousMum wrote: »

As for 'walking a mile in my shoes'.......sorry - I've been in yours, worked hard to get out of it, and I've earnt the right to wear the ones I'm wearing now - so they're not available for loan.

Snap!!! Took me a while to get qualified once my ex OH walked out on me and a 7 and 2 yr old, but we all coped, with a minimum of help from benefits.

I have a friend in uni right now doing her PGCE - she lives out of Manchester area - her husband commutes to work in Scotland on a weekly basis, she is going to university in Bath, and she has to commute once a month for her placement down to Kent. Oh, she has two children in primary school. It's not impossible - takes a hell of alot of hard work.

Yup - I live in Leamington and had to go to Birmingham 4 days a week to do my degree and then 10 weeks +2 days a week after that the other way down to Oxford to get my PGCE - Trying to juggle childcare, lectures and trains is NOT fun, especially when all available childcare round here ends at 6pm in the dot!
Luckily my placement and now my place of work is only 15 mins walk away - I was so lucky there

I wasn't trying to get at you OP - just letting you know that we don't all agree with the initial statement that yo don't 'want' to leave your kids in childcare.

With 11 A levels(is that right 11 or is that GCSE's???) you would have no problem getting back into HE if that's what you wanted but if you're looking to go into education, you might have to be pro-active and approach schools where you can be placed, closer to home - That's what I did - I basically asked the local college where they took their placements from (Oxford Brooks) and applied there, rather than Wolverhampton which was recommended to me - but I'd have had to get to Telford which really wasn't do-able.

Good luck with whatever happens tho'.