Financial settlement in divorce

scorpio2010

I'm 41 & have 3 children in full time education ages 17,12 & 7 yrs. I work 25hrs a wk to enable me to provide the security that my children experienced prior to my seperation from their father. We were together for 21yrs & seperated in nov 2007, nisi granted in aug 2009. My ex wants a 60-40 split in my favour but insists that he keeps his pension. I have only just been asked by my solicitor after 2yrs to fill out my financial details so that he can advise as to whether this is a fair settlement. My ex doesn't have a solicitor & is refusing to fill out the paperwork. My ex pays £200 per calendar month in child maintenance but hasn't paid anything else since he left our marital home over 2yrs ago. The children live with me but they stay overnight with their father 3 nights a wk. The house is being marketed at £239,950. I don't have a pension & only working part time so i can't afford to buy out my ex. It is also proving difficult for me to get a mortgage as the bulk of my earnings are based on tax credits. I realise that i don't have to sell & that i could stay until my youngest is 18 but i want closure to this situ. I don't want to see my ex financially ruined, i just want a fair settlement for both of us. The marriage broke down after my ex commited adultery so i don't exactly trust him & i don't really feel that my solicitor is being very helpful. I feel so confused & just want some advice please........:(

Person_one

I've never been in your situation but I would reconsider staying in the house until your youngest is older. That's the best way to give them stability and you really don't want to have to go into rented accommodation and all the hassles that brings.

At this stage, letting your children carrying on living in the home they grew up in is more important than anything your ex might want.

geranium72

A few things here

1. If you are not confident in your solicitor then go elsewhere - 2 years to ask for financial details is in my opinion slow at the very least and negligent at worst. You can find details of good family law solicitors at www.resolution.org.uk.

2. No one can tell you whether the settlement is fair without having full disclosure of all assets. In family law terms you have a very long marriage and presumably a lot of the assets (including pension) were built up during that time. It does not matter whose name they are in, they are family assets, so don't think of it as "his pension". The family courts treat running the home and bringing up children as an equal contribution compared to working. Look at it like this, the pension contributions and the mortgage payments are made through earning money. He could go out and work because you were caring for the kids.

3. If you can't raise a mortgage then you are better staying put. You can have what is called a Mesher order - which means you can have a final settlement, but as part of that the house is not sold and split until the youngest finishes school. Whether 60/40 is appropriate depends on what else there is and how much his pension is worth.

4. If he won't fill out the paperwork voluntarily then it is possible to apply to court to start the ball rolling and then he has to, or faces the court to explain why (with possible costs against him)

5. In respect of the maintenance, you don't say how much he earns but the CSA (as was) would assess him at 25% of his net income for 3 children - but less 3/7 if they stay 3 nights a week (assuming the eldest is still in education?) On your figures that would mean your ex earns about £1400 a month net of tax and NI and pension - is that right? That is not a massive amount and given the vlaue of your home I wonder whether he earns more than that. Would £1400 be about £25k a year (approx guess).? If he earns more then the maintenace should be more.

Really, the best thing you can do is get a solicitor you feel more comfortable with. Also, don't be afraid to ask them for clear explanations and query delays.There is no need for something like this to take so long

Hope that helps

neneromanova

I would stay put where you are. You'll have another 10 years in the house, meaning the house could go up even more in value and mean that you are 10 years closer to your pension, plus 10 years more would have been paid off of the mortgage meaning more equity.

Screw how the ex feels, he decided to commit adultery meaning he wasn't thinking of you at the time was he. So why should you be nice to him?

kingfisherblue

Geranium72 gives sound advice.

I would stay in the house if possible - why should your children lose their home and possibly have to move away from their friends and change schools because their dad committed adultery? My ex wanted me to sell the house when we split up - and yes, he comnmitted adultery . I didn't see why the kids should suffer such major changes, though. (Although, TBH, the house is adapted for our son's disabilities as well)

Regarding the solicitor, find one you can feel comfortable with. Ask for recommendations or look for somebody who specialises in family law. I chose mine out of the Thompson Local because they advertised as being family law specialists - my case was complex, but was dealt with professionally and I was confident and comfortable with my solicitor.

Your ex and the financial form - my ex decided not to fill in the form and it went to court. The judge was not impressed and had to delay the hearing because of this. My ex was ordered to complete the forms within a fortnight - a period of time that included Christmas and New Year. Even then, he didn't complete them honestly. My barrister was able to point out certain discrepancies (one of our children has lifelong disabilities, he was supposedly claiming JSA at a time when he was receiving regular monthly pay from an employer, etc). The judges are not fools and they do not like delaying tactics or dishonesty on forms.

I was with my ex for 19 years and didn't have a pension. The judge accepted that I was lower paid in my working years and that I had been bringing up our children, including caring for our son, in recent years. He agreed with my barrister that I had made an equal contribution to the family and that financial contributions were not the only aspect to be considered.

My case became quite complex due to my son's need for lifelong care, so I have the house for as long as my son needs a home, subject to certain conditions. This could potentially mean that my ex could die before he receives his share. I was told that when one partner has to wait a long time for their share of a property, they often receive a greater proportion as they have had to wait (unable to use their share as a deposit on a new property, unable to invest in other ways, so the greater share compensates for this). In my case, it will be split 50/50 - fantastic when you consider that the barrister estimated 70/30 in ex's favour!

Good luck x

sativa_2

comments like "screw you ex" arent helpful.I admire your approach to meaningful and respectful resolution and i believe it says alot about you as a person.The word adultery, conjours msany emotions for many people. There maybe many reasons why it cam into your marriage.It came into mine with agreement and commununication between my wife and the OW, however the marriage failed because of other reasons yet she claims adultery.hey ho. who cares anyway, its faultless divorce proceedings these days, so lets get on with sensible reasonable settlement and getting on with life.Forget the Gold digging and bitterness for your sake if not his too and your kids.Gold diggers out there, keep digging. Scorpio - Do the right thing. If you do this right, you are likely to have support and or a reasonable relationship with your ex for the future. well done.

scorpio2010

I agree with you 100 per cent, it matter's not how the marriage failed but how we make the best out of a bad situ for all our sakes. My children are & always will be the most important factor in this situ, i want them to be happy & this means supporting their relationship with their father whatever my personal feelings are towards him, he is still after all their father.

Pee

I think ypou should consider changing your solicitor.

My boyfriend refused to complete the forms when his ex wife divorced him. He felt it was noone's business but his what he earned and owned. His ex was perfectly aware of what he was earning and also what his assets were - their assets had mainly been the contents of the house which she kept. He was earning reasonable money, but it had been a short marriage without children so that wasn't relevant. When I explained to him that the judge needed that information to decide who got what (i.e. there was nothing for anyone) and if he had simply completed the form when he got it he would have had a divorce - what they both wanted - a lot sooner, he reluctantly agreed that he should have done.

It sounds like your OH is fully aware that the more detail he gives, the more you will be entitled to.

Can you carry on living n the house and speak to the CSA about maintenance for the children, that was the pressure to get things moving will be on him, rather than you, and may help him see sense.