Doulas - worth the money?

Crab

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

I'm going to be discussing a doula with my Oh this weekend. He was brilliant support for me so i dont want him to feel pushed out i just feel that maybe a doula would be able to fight my corner a little better as far as the home birth goes. With bubs i was told to go to hospital half way through my home birth because of maconium in my waters i later found out it was old maconium and was very watery and there wouldnt have been a problem with me staying at home. obviously at the time i was in no fit state to argue and my Oh didnt really have any knowledge so didnt feel able to argue with them.

DH has said whatever makes me happy, so he is happy for us to have one if I want. Do you think yours would feel pushed out then, if you had a doula?

And maybe it isn't AS important for me as I am not planning a homebirth.
Aargh, too much to think about!

Congratulations to you re the bump!

Ms_Piggy_2

I had a Doula and she was worth every penny!

I planned a home water birth. In the end I transferred to hospital because of a VERY long second stage.

However I still had a very positive birth experience (I left hospital just a few hours after giving birth) and I feel happy I tried every avenue to get things moving before transferring. He was a compound presentation which is what held things up.

Ms_Piggy_2

Crab wrote: »

And I am most likely to have a hospital birth, as my GP said because I was over 35, my chances of complications were higher. I am ok with this, as my home isn't a great space for having a baby anyway, and the local hospital is close, and has a nice birthing centre (with pools and stuff).

Can I just say.... if the only 'risk factor' is the fact you are over 35, then there is no need to rule out a home birth or a birthing unit. There is no research to suggest that birth is significantly riskier just because you are 35+. (Of course if you want to birth at hospital, that's great, but health professionals are often too keen to pigeon hole and tell you what you are and aren't 'allowed'.

Anyway, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing a doula would be able to help you decide antenatally.

xmaslolly76

Crab im not sure if he will feel pushed out or not. He will just agree with what i want which is all good and well but i want it to be a nice experience for him as well as me. As i said before he was an absolute rock for me with Joey and never left my side. I just dont want him to feel like he isnt needed or spare part when the time comes. I think after our initial discussion it will be a case of meeting the doula we pick and take it from there.

JBD

Ms_Piggy wrote: »

Can I just say.... if the only 'risk factor' is the fact you are over 35, then there is no need to rule out a home birth or a birthing unit. There is no research to suggest that birth is significantly riskier just because you are 35+. (Of course if you want to birth at hospital, that's great, but health professionals are often too keen to pigeon hole and tell you what you are and aren't 'allowed'.

Anyway, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing a doula would be able to help you decide antenatally.

I had a home birth at nearly 40. It was a very straightforward delivery with no complications. To be fair though it was my 3rd and I had a history of straightforward deliveries. There are a lot of factors to consider when deciding on a home delivery.

maryjane01

Well worth the money, I highly recommend having a Doula. Your husband will not feel like a spare part. At about week 30 in my pregnancy I allowed a student midwife to follow my case, so I had my husband, the doula, student midwife and midwife all by my side. My doula was worried she would feel like a spare part. At 2 weeks overdue I went for routine monitoring at the hopital, I had booked a home birth, but was kept in to be induced because they were worried about the condition of my baby. I was on the labour ward for 27 hours before my son was born after being induced with a syntosin drip. Almost everybody on a syntosin drip will end up having an epidural and about 50% I was told end up having a c section. After pushing for 1 hour 40 minutes babies heart rate dropped for 3 minutes so I had a spinal just before they got him out with forceps, as they were planning to go straight to a section if the forceps did not work. He was a biggie, 9 pounds 12. If I did not have a doula I think I would have definitely had an epidural and ended up having a section as I would not have worked so hard pushing. Having the Doula there meant my husband could pop to the toilet or have a bite to eat with out being worried about leaving me. When there were difficult decisions to make by talking to us she helped us sort out in our minds what we wanted, sort of like a good cousellor. She was like a rock through the tough part of the labour and seemed to instinctively know what I wanted, gas and air, water, dextrose energy tablets, I was like a mad woman so she put up with a lot:rotfl: You cannot rely on a Doula for medical advice, they are not trained for that, but they will be on your side. These days with the NHS so short staffed it may just bring you extra reassurance that there is another person by your side, or another person to run and get help if it is needed. My baby was born in July last year. Despite so many things not going to plan it was still a very positive and empowering experience.

An experienced friend or realtive could do the same, but I had no one like this. Also, I had trouble finding a Doula as I started contacting people directly and they are a flakey bunch, not returning calls or not turning up etc. I ended up finding my Doula through an agency. I am in south London if you want to PM me for details.

Crab

Ms Piggy: Thanks for the input. Glad it worked well for you! And yes, the only thing the GP said about not having a home birth was that I was over 35, and this is my first.
We don't have a very practical house though, for having a homebirth - especially if I went for the waterbirth option - there's just not the space, so we are probably as well off at the birthing unit.
Thanks JBD for the input on home births.
xmaslolly76: Yeah, I can discuss it more with DH, but his bottom line is always that he just wants me to be as happy as possible. I want HIM to be as happy as possible!!!!!
I guess if we proceed, we meet some doulas and hopefully get a feel for how they'd fit in with us. Best of luck with your discussions - will you let us know what you decide?

maryjane01, that's a really positive endorsement! And sounds like you were very well looked after with all your attendants! Wow!
I've actually found a doula online who used to be a nurse - so she has the medical training AND the specialist doula training. I've emailed her, so we shall see.


As for my comments earlier about them doing, er, intimate things for you - is this something they only do in America, or is it common practise?
Anything else I should be considering, personnel wise? Reflexology etc?

skintchick

Crab, my doula didn;t touch my bits! My midwife did though. I'm not sure if it is something a doula here will do, you'd have to ask. I certainly wasn;t offered it!

As for things you can do, I got my yogic breathing down to two breaths a minute so I could control my pain - then ended up being sick with every contraction and couldn;t do a damn thing about my breathing!

As it was, I still only had gas and air, and only for the last hour, but it was a quick birth (6 hours established labour, 20 mins pushing) so I just about managed to cope.

I think working on your breathing i great as it helps relax you physically too. I did yoga until 40 weeks and also found that helped open my hips up and make me aware of my body so I could listen to it during birth (but I did yoga anyway).

Apart from that, once in labout I couldn't bear to be touched my anyone so all my massage plans went out of the window lol.

never_enough

A friend of mine had a doula for her 2nd birth after having a really awful & very medical first birth experience. She had a great experience second time around but then it really couldn't have been any worse. The thing she was so happy about was that the doula also supported her husband who had been very traumatised by the first birth. It meant she didn't have to worry about him! She had a lot of post natal help too & said that was a major bonus.
I agree that a friend could do that for you, however you're going to want someone who has had (a) kid(s). As long as they'll be able to drop everything & be there for you despite the school run/flu/swimming/ or whatever that's great. You can guarantee that you wont go into labour to fit around anyones schedule except your own. One of my best friends offered to do it for me if I ever got pregnant, I know she would be great, but she has 4 children & obviously they will always come first, time wise. Sometimes employing someone makes things easier, but that's a decision only you can make.

Counting_Pennies_2

Crab wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I actually am pretty sure my DH will be awesome, and one of my concerns is that a doula would take something away from the experience for the two of us, I don't know, when I write that down it sounds irrational, I think maybe I am getting at that it might make DH feel inept, like what is he there for?

I actually only found out about doulas because I was reading a website (I think it was American) and they were on about natural births, and the women there said the doulas did more than just emotional support, they did stuff like massage your ladybits, or apply warm compresses to those parts - that's the stuff I was wondering if a doula would know better than my husband! Or is there training you can do to get your husband to know all this stuff?!

They are definitely trained to be in the back ground and to add to the experience, not to take away from what the partner adds. I say this as I have taken the decision to be one, and have been on the first training session.

Only you will know if you want someone else in the room with you. I would suggest meeting a couple and seeing how you get on. It costs nothing to explore the prospect.

Good luck
x