hubby and csa

Kimberley

Spendless wrote:

No that wasn't what I meant, it was early did I type it all wrong .

My neighbours 1st wife was saying that money you give me for the girls I spend it on having my hair/nails done etc (to wind him up IMO). So he gave it directly to the teenage girls instead of their mum. 1st wife complains to CSA they say how much he has to pay plus backpay and DO NOT include that he has already paid so much to the girls eg he has to pay that amount again to ex wife.

Terrible, don't the CSA realise that some mums willl selfishly spend the money on themselves if given cash :rolleyes: I can proudly say that my maintenance goes directly to the kids in pocket money, clothes etc.

Some mothers do keep it themselves

Prudent

If you go through the csa the argument ends. You can, as other posters pointed out, take your step daughter out and buy her things she needs. Remember though if his income goes up, he will have to pay more. The other thing to consider is the lenghth of time a csa assessment takes. It can takes months (for some people it has been up to 18 months). The amount assessed will then be back dated, your hubby will be liable for arrears. Any money he gives voluntarily in this time will not count unless the mum agrees it can be counted as payment.

pandas66

Kimberley wrote:

Terrible, don't the CSA realise that some mums willl selfishly spend the money on themselves if given cash :rolleyes: I can proudly say that my maintenance goes directly to the kids in pocket money, clothes etc.

Some mothers do keep it themselves

The money my ex used to pay every month went into a specific account and I used it soley for outings, holidays and beer for me and the boys. :rotfl:
It was totally my revenge in my way:rotfl: , so everytime we went out for dinner everytime we was on a day out everytime we were on holiday it was on him!

Obviously being a working Mum all other expences of running a house, family, life were covered by my money:mad: Every electricity bill, water rates, food, clothes etc I covered :mad:
My point is no matter how the money is spent, specific money on specific items, if you do it! buy it! or save it the money has to be found and really income is 1 big pot.
I would go to the CSA if your income is so low, get it all assessed, don't be either blackmailed or bullied by her. If he does want to contribute more on better weeks then that will be his choice to give it to her or pop it into a savings account for daughter. But don't stop the payments while the assessment takes place or put a set amount of say £10 per week (if you have done your sums correctly) into an account for the arrears.

Saint_Chris

I would go to the csa, as they are much fairer than they used to be. We still pay under the old system 33% of bring home wages. under the new system we would be paying 25% which is a big difference for us.

When we started to pay csa years ago. My wages were taken into consideration, which i didn't agree with. So i packed my job in. it was hard at first, but we managed.

Sit down and write her a letter stating that you have had enough of this. And yes you have dedided that you wish to go through the csa.

If the ex is not claiming benefits she will get the full csa amount that you pay.

If she is claiming any benefits then she will only be allowed £5 of whatever you pay.

Now she probably knows this already.

But if she thinks that you are serious for 1 min at doing this she will poo herself.

At the end of the day all she wants is cash and if she thinks that some will stop she will soon stop playing these games.

Explain about the delay in payments to her. etc and how you don't want to go down this road but she has left you no choice.

And as it seems something that she has already considered then you have decided that it would be fair for both parties.

That should soon put the wind up her.

When my hubby got a new job with a bit more money the csa up'd out payments.

I contacted his ex and said that we couldn't afford it. And would she accept the old amount, even though hubby had got more money in new job. She said no.
hubby found out that new job was only to start 3 months after he got new job. So we told her hubby had decided not to take new job and as he had finished old job would be going on jobseekers allowance.

Hubby did go on jbs for a few weeks, and all she got of us was £5 a week for 8 weeks. She soon changed her tune. She then decided that she would accept the old amount of new job pay increase.

Both parties contacted the csa and said that we no longer wanted them involved. Not a problem we now have a standing order to her for payments.

But although the csa are no longer involved she still has the backing of them.

I hope that helps, but i would call her bluff in a letter. if this doesn't work then go ahead you've nothing to loose.

poppyscorner

Hi everyone

Thanks for all of your advice on this matter I do tend to agree and I think that we should have a go at the csa as I said she does think its a threat but we know that it is not any threat to us I would think it was funny if a little girl wasn't involved here it is so hard sometimes just last week the little girl was at our house when she started to cry why? because she was trying to draw a picture of her family and she did not know who everyone is we were so angry but tried to explain it as best as we could.

A few times the mother has told my husband a time to pick his little girl up and then tells the little girl another time she rings her father in hysterics asking if he has forgotten about her and of course we havent its just another mind game she likes to play.

Does the money we give her now count as maintainance or will they try and charge arrears to us and on the weeks where she has asked us to provide clothing or shoes or anything else instead of maintainance money count or can she now claim that she wants money instead and get that aswell.

Thanks again everyone I am really sick of these silly games and I suspect this is all because she has just found out I am pregnant again she becomes awful when I am pregnant she wishes my children dead on more than one occasion we are stupid really we should have done something about her nasty temper when she assaulted my husband in front of their daughter just to note he never retaliated he was mortified that she did it and managed to get her off and get away but he was so angry cos the little one was crying.

Does anyone think we would get a better access deal by going to court rather than the 4/6 hrs a week we currently get she loves being with us as it is hassle free life for her we have occasionally had her overnight when the mother can get nobody else to look after her so she can't really claim that any harm would come to her and I suspect the access is the next control measure.

Thanks again

Amanda x

StockportGerbil

Hi!
The CSA will only calculate what is owed from the date the case was reported to them. So can I suggest from then on you need to pay the mother by cheque, so when the assessment is carried out you can prove you have already paid that money. Beware the CSA are slow and incompetent.

I don't quite know how the assessment works for self employed people. I receive a salary and my assessment starts at 15% of my take home pay after pension contributions have been made. The percentage is reduced further as you have one child living with you.

I hope that helps.

Good luck!

Kevin

SingleandSkint_2

Hi,

I have just actually went through all of this, its actually calculated from the first day they contact your husband, and you must prove what money you give her in receipts.

It has actually taken 11 months for them to sort it all out for me!!

iluvfreebies

Hi there
it is possible for your husband to make an application to pay maintenance. The date that the payments start in this case is the date the application is received by the agency. This is definately the action i would consider (call her bluff) - I wouldnt advise youto stop payments as the only person who would suffer is the child however i would get a receipt book and ensure it states that the payment are for child maintanance and ask her to sign for them. These payments are then taken into account when your assessment is calculated and offset against any arrears. I wouldnt even mention to the childs mother that an application has been made as the agency will contact her as soon as your application is received. HTH