Is there anything I can do? Can I get housing benefit?

lauranurse

I am 28 and live with my Mum, mainly because I havnt worked for quite a few years due to mental health problems so couldnt really afford my own place plus I needed her support (I get really bad and end up in hospital) and it always seemed a bit silly for us to both be sitting by ourselves every evening if I moved out.

Well anyway, something she said to my sister the other day has made me realise that she actually sees me living with her as being in "her space", she sees it as her house and doesnt like me having friends over when she is around as that makes her feel uncomfortable in "her house". (TBH, I hardly ever have friends over so I was stunned that she said this). I am really, really hurt and upset by it all.

I also find it difficult when my community nurse visits me as there is always someone around - my sister doesnt live with us but works shifts so is around our house a lot in the week, my brother also still lives at home and works shifts - and I find it really hard to talk to her when there is someone sitting in the next room, with only a thin glass door in between. I have mentioned it to my family several times but they still do it!

I think I have also let myself become very dependant on her own, which isnt necessarily helping me get better.

So Im wondering if I should / could move out, but I dont know if I would be able to get any help with paying the rent, as I would be choosing to move out? The whole situation is really getting to me, I just dont know what I can do!

Can anyone give me any advice?

dmg24

What benefits do you receive at the moment? Assuming you are on a low income, you should be entitled to the one bedroom rate of LHA. It doesn't matter why you moved out, this is not asked.

lauranurse

Thank-you, that was a quick reply.

I get income support because of illness (which I apparently get because I get incapacity benefit according to the jc, evand en though I dont actually get any money from incapacity benefit. A bit confusing), and DLA higher rate care and lower rate mobility.

I would feel bad taking more money for rent though, maybe i should just put up with it and stay with her? And its so long since iv lived away from home i cant even start to guess how much bills and stuff would cost - although I give mum £200 a month towards bills so I guess I would have that.

Im just in turmoil.

TOBRUK

Hi lauranurse, I know you are feeling hurt, but we all need our own space at times. You yourself have said that you feel there are times you feel uncomfortable when you are talking to someone in next room to members of your family.

It is your mother's house and although you overheard her talking to your sister saying about needing her own space etc. She may have been having a low moment or perhaps you took it the wrong way. Whatever, I would speak to your mother (you must get along most of the time?) calmly when you two are alone and tell her that you overheard her conversation with your sister, ask her would she like you to move out. There is no need to fall out, just try to have an honest conversation and see what she has to say.

If you do decide to move out, have you any savings? Could you afford a deposit plus one month's rent? Are you on benefit, if so what? Sorry for the questons but you really need to think very hard about what you do.

pinkfluffythings

lauranurse wrote: »

Thank-you, that was a quick reply.

I get income support because of illness (which I apparently get because I get incapacity benefit according to the jc, evand en though I dont actually get any money from incapacity benefit. A bit confusing), and DLA higher rate care and lower rate mobility.

I would feel bad taking more money for rent though, maybe i should just put up with it and stay with her? And its so long since iv lived away from home i cant even start to guess how much bills and stuff would cost - although I give mum £200 a month towards bills so I guess I would have that.

Im just in turmoil.

Hi Laura,
Why don't you have a wee look on Property News and see whats available for rent in your area, prob a furnished property would be best for you like it was for us. You can give your Housing Association a shout next week and they would be able to give you a rough idea what LHA you could claim. Just remember that you will need a deposit and usually a months rent in advance.

Moving out may be just what you need, it can really lift your spirits and give you something to focus on. I suffer from depression, myself and my Fiance moved into our new house last year and it was the best thing I have ever done.

lauranurse

Thank-you for your reply.

I didnt overhear the conversation - my sister told me about it. So although it upset me I decided to speak to mum about it in case my sister had kind of got the context wrong. And mum said more or less the same things to me - eg it is "her house" etc. And even though I cried and cried for hours afterwards she didnt apologise or say anything else about it, so she must have meant what she said.

The thing is, she has always been very supportive of me in a practical way rather than emotional - if im upset she pretends she hasnt noticed or tells me to stop being stupid. So I feel bad talking about her like this.

But I am so hurt. I have lost the one stable thing that I have been able to hold onto.

dmg24

TOBRUK wrote: »

Hi lauranurse, I know you are feeling hurt, but we all need our own space at times. You yourself have said that you feel there are times you feel uncomfortable when you are talking to someone in next room to members of your family.

It is your mother's house and although you overheard her talking to your sister saying about needing her own space etc. She may have been having a low moment or perhaps you took it the wrong way. Whatever, I would speak to your mother (you must get along most of the time?) calmly when you two are alone and tell her that you overheard her conversation with your sister, ask her would she like you to move out. There is no need to fall out, just try to have an honest conversation and see what she has to say.

If you do decide to move out, have you any savings? Could you afford a deposit plus one month's rent? Are you on benefit, if so what? Sorry for the questons but you really need to think very hard about what you do.

What a lovely post!

lauranurse, it is a big old step moving out, but if you do decide to take the step, it would be worth filling out a budget planner, to check that you will be ok. Whilst outgoings will vary, you should be ok with your IS. You should also get more than you do currently, as those living alone get an additional disability premium (unless someone is claiming Carers Allowance for you?).

This site will tell you how much LHA you can get. As you are on IS you will automatically get the full amount. If you need any more info feel free to ask.

lauranurse

victoria_p wrote: »

Hi Laura,
Why don't you have a wee look on Property News and see whats available for rent in your area, prob a furnished property would be best for you like it was for us. You can give your Housing Association a shout next week and they would be able to give you a rough idea what LHA you could claim. Just remember that you will need a deposit and usually a months rent in advance.

Moving out may be just what you need, it can really lift your spirits and give you something to focus on. I suffer from depression, myself and my Fiance moved into our new house last year and it was the best thing I have ever done.

Thank-you. I think you could be right - sometimes I long for my own space. But then other times, when i am really low, i wonder how i would cope by myself.

And i think mum would be hurt if I said i was moving out.

Its all so complicated. Maybe i dont even deserve to have my own place?

pinkfluffythings

lauranurse wrote: »

Thank-you for your reply.

I didnt overhear the conversation - my sister told me about it. So although it upset me I decided to speak to mum about it in case my sister had kind of got the context wrong. And mum said more or less the same things to me - eg it is "her house" etc. And even though I cried and cried for hours afterwards she didnt apologise or say anything else about it, so she must have meant what she said.

The thing is, she has always been very supportive of me in a practical way rather than emotional - if im upset she pretends she hasnt noticed or tells me to stop being stupid. So I feel bad talking about her like this.

But I am so hurt. I have lost the one stable thing that I have been able to hold onto.

Don't let this get you down, I know its easy for me to say but don't let this bring you down. Sometimes some people (esp our closest family) just don't know how to deal with things. I know even now that my Mum had no bloody clue how I am feeling or how small things effect me, even though she is 100% supportive. I think if you can afford to move that it may do you and your relationship with you Mum the world of good. I'm only going on my own experience.
Ask your Nurse that comes out to see you, they may be able to help you too xox

lauranurse

dmg24 wrote: »

What a lovely post!

lauranurse, it is a big old step moving out, but if you do decide to take the step, it would be worth filling out a budget planner, to check that you will be ok. Whilst outgoings will vary, you should be ok with your IS. You should also get more than you do currently, as those living alone get an additional disability premium (unless someone is claiming Carers Allowance for you?).

This site will tell you how much LHA you can get. As you are on IS you will automatically get the full amount. If you need any more info feel free to ask.

They have all been lovely posts

So if that site says I can have £155 a week, would i actually get that amount if i found a flat that cost that or do i have to be on a waiting list or something first? Sorry, it's not something I have ever looked into before.

Blackpool_Saver

Sounds to me like you mum could be partially the reason why you have these problems.
Can your cpn advise about benefits or signpost you to somewhere who can.
Do you go on the mind website?


http://www.mind.org.uk/