Do you ever feel 'small' when comparing your job to your partners?

Kavanne

I earn more than my bf but he's a student just applying to do a PhD and I often think of how insignificant my job is going to be compared to his!!

Oldernotwiser

Much better to have a partner who's ambitious for you rather than one who sees you in the background of the marriage in a supporting role.

Lotus-eater

Ahh bless, it seems you are a little worried what people think of you, well that's normal, but if you love each other it really shouldn't matter.
First things first, if you wanted to do it, you probably could, your manager wouldn't have asked you otherwise, should you? That's totally up to you, I'd say yes, because you may not get the chance again, but if you don't want to, then don't do it.

I've done both and in all honesty I probably shouldn't be advising you, because I just don't care, I don't care if I succeed and I don't care if I don't.
My oh loves me and would love me if I was a sewer cleaner or a high flying banker.
Well the banker might strain the relationship a bit, but you get the idea.

Be happy in yourself, you are so obviously not (or he is making you feel this way), sorry I don't want to hurt you, but if you are happy in yourself you wouldn't be worried about how he felt, or if he felt embarrassed about introducing you to his family.
If you get on with him and he loves you, who cares?

Kavanne

Creditcruncher wrote: »

Once he's on good money he'll probably ditch you for a female Doctor.:)

Luckily he's going to be a Dr of geology, and if you'd ever seen female geologists you'd know I have nothing to worry about!!!

continualdiamond

I wouldn't say i feel small, but i feel misunderstood to what my job actually involves.

Im a teaching assistant in a special needs school and my OH goes on forever about the holidays i get and how many hours i work (35, paid for 32.5).

He drives for a living so often does long days and will always mention for example that he's done 14 hours today, that 2 days work for you etc.

Our jobs are completely different and yes i couldn't do his job and i wouldn't want too, but equally i don't think he could mine, yet he comes across as implying that my job is a piece of cake and anyone could do it.

I personally don't think my job is one that anyone could do. I don't think everyone is comfortable feeding say 14 year olds liquidised food or could be calm with behaviour of a chair or table coming flying in your direction.

I get defensive sometimes, feeling like i have to justify why i do the job i do. Pointing out that i didn't just walk into it, i studied for it and worked hard to become a grade 2 teaching assistant. I also then work in my school holidays to again justify myself that i do not 'milk' so to speak having the holidays that come with working in a school. So in fact i am working 4 out of the 5 next week in half term, so he has no come back about it.

Glamazon

No!

My partner has a degree, masters and worked at a Premiership Football Club - I have no degree but work as a Manager earning more than him.

The way I see it we are equal, he has the qualifications but I've got the experience. He had the glamour of working for a Football Club but had to work long, long hours and have a very stressful job working closely with a difficult manager. I worked 8-5 but also had a stressful job managing staff and GP's.

OH always said he's job was more important because of the stress of working in such a high profile job, I said mine was more stressful because I had to manage people and had targets and deadlines to meet.

If you don't want to be a manager and are happy then just tell him. I worked with a woman who had many opportunties to progress but after 25 years was still doing the same job simply because she loved it and didn't want the pressure of more responsibility.

leanneq

I strive to do better and always want to do better at work. I've done pretty well for myself and earn a very good wage for my age.
I would never rely on a man for money. Just my opinion

squirrelchops

I don't feel small when I compare my job to my OH. I am a student and he is incredibly proud of me as he isn't academic at all whereas I am....he has no qualifications at all.

However, he has a well paid job but because it is in F1 when we meet people they are always interested in what he does so often I don't even get asked!!! I don't mind though as I am studying to be a social worker and quite often I just can't be arsed to have people judge me/the profession when I am not in work so I like that his job takes the heat off me!!!!

wontfallforit

I'm the female half, am much younger than my OH, and I'm the breadwinner!

My OH is really happy in what he does, and is bloody good at it, but I secretly think he has 'wasted' a bit of his life (though the flipside to that is that he is happy, it's a circular argument).

He could've gone to college/uni and could've secured a better position (he is a motor mechanic, whereas intellectually and skills-wise, I believe him to be more appropriate to the likes of an engineering position). However, his argument is that his job is stress-free, he works set hours, and doesn't have to bring any work home.

He's not yet 40, so he still has a bit of time, but in my heart of hearts, I know he'll never progress.

I don't want any more money out of my partner (we keep seperate finances as it is), but I'd like for him to have more money in his pocket, and be able to save for a better retirement, etc.

Thinking wayyy ahead into the future, the idea of our income disparity in our older years is what bothers me the most. I'd like the mortgage, the car, etc., but that's just not important to my OH. Nevertheless, I'd still feel slightly guilty of the fact that I "have it", and he doesn't.

Ultimately, though, it's not a massive part of our relationship. OH is a lovely man, and is very supportive of me, and proud of everything I've done so far...hopefully with more to come

continualdiamond

wontfallforit wrote: »

I'm the female half, am much younger than my OH, and I'm the breadwinner!

My OH is really happy in what he does, and is bloody good at it, but I secretly think he has 'wasted' a bit of his life (though the flipside to that is that he is happy, it's a circular argument).

He could've gone to college/uni and could've secured a better position (he is a motor mechanic, whereas intellectually and skills-wise, I believe him to be more appropriate to the likes of an engineering position). However, his argument is that his job is stress-free, he works set hours, and doesn't have to bring any work home.

He's not yet 40, so he still has a bit of time, but in my heart of hearts, I know he'll never progress.

I don't want any more money out of my partner (we keep seperate finances as it is), but I'd like for him to have more money in his pocket, and be able to save for a better retirement, etc.

Thinking wayyy ahead into the future, the idea of our income disparity in our older years is what bothers me the most. I'd like the mortgage, the car, etc., but that's just not important to my OH. Nevertheless, I'd still feel slightly guilty of the fact that I "have it", and he doesn't.

Ultimately, though, it's not a massive part of our relationship. OH is a lovely man, and is very supportive of me, and proud of everything I've done so far...hopefully with more to come

Sounds similar in some ways to how i see things. I studied and worked hard to get a job related to what i studied for and am really pleased i stuck with it and didn't get any old job just to earn money as once you do that its hard to break away from it.

Sometimes i wonder if thats why my OH acts the way he does towards my career as i started at the bottom on supply, then got a perm contract as a grade 1 teaching assistant, then a year ago got the job as a grade 2 teaching assistant.

He however is a qualified mechanic and in fact is extremely good with cars, i love it that he knows so much about them and i trust him 100% on doing stuff to our car and its great at garages when they try and convince you of stuff to get done.

But he had a bad experience of his 1st job as a mechanic, always being put down and was physically being sick in a morning before going into work. In the end he quit and took on factory work just to earn money and like i mentioned above once that starts its hard to break the habit.

Now he drives for a living and in fact loves it, but his dream is mechanics, so sometimes i have to wonder if he looks at me and wishes he got a job related to what he spent time/effort and money on studying.