Where do we go? What do we do?

Startinover

Hello , I've been searching through the site over the last month looking for help..so have decided to put a post on here to see if anyone can offer some advice.

My partner was made redundant in August 08 and received a small redundancy payment after 30 years with the same company( the company went into liquidation) he signed on for JSA and after looking for a job and numerous interviews for jobs with no success decided to use his redundancy to set up his own business(job centre never told him about the self employed allowance so he never claimed it-another story!)

He has earned little or no money from this venture and although I have supported him emotionally and financially since being made redundant I cant get him to see that my salary is not covering the outgoings, I have now used up all my savings and we still have a shortfall each month of £500. The house is in his name but I am paying the mortgage and the second mortgage plus all bills, he agreed to seek a job and went to the JSA and they have now told him he is not entitled to anything because he does not have enough contributions. We have applied for WTC but they lost the form and we have had to resubmit the claim :mad:. We have cut spending to an absolute minimum, we dont drink,smoke or go out, we didnt even buy Xmas presents this year. I sold my car to help with the bills but we are robbing Peter to pay Paul, He wont discuss it with me when I say we need to do something. He wouldnt ask the bank to put the mortgage on interest only or ask for a payment holiday as it would mean we would have to pay the mortgage for longer, but now we are a month in arrears because his bank keep bouncing DD's and slapping £50 charges on his account eating into money for bills:eek:
Where can I find templates for letters to send to the mortgage company and credit card companies? He just wont tell them about the mess we're in or ask them to reduce payments but wants me to put all the DD's in my account - I dont earn enough to cover them and pay for food.

Any advice would be welcome-I feel all the pressure is on me to pay the bills as I am the only one earning any money but I just dont know what to do??

savingmummy

Hi and welcome to the dfw forum.
You will find a lot of support here and also somewhere to let off steam if need be.

It sounds as if you have done so much already what a lucky hubby you have. Not many people will sell a car and give up luxuuries.

Your hubby may be embarrassed or feeling down he needs to talk to you about how his feeling. Have you done a SOA - statement of affairs? This may help if you complete one and sit down with him.

If it would help for you to put the mortgage on interest only he needs to reconsider this to help you. At the moment you are doing everything you can and you need support too!

There is free professional help here, try and get him to give these a call http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2077631 There are lots of people here who have done so and are now managing well.

Good luck xx

He needs to tell the creditors about his financial problem NOW the longer he leaves it the worse it will be.

Startinover

Thank you savingmummy, I have completed a full statement of all our income and expenditure and shown him this, he just puts his head in his hands and says we'll have to hope something turns up! We have gone from a joint income of £55k per year to less than £20k with the same expenses, I am at my wits end because he is so proud- he says he worries we will lose the house but wont bring himself to speak to them about it - they wont talk to me as the mortgage is in his name. I am worried it will be left until it's all too late ...

MrsTinks

They're not allowed to speak to you because the debts are in his name, but what you could do is try and get him to sit with you and call CCCS or arrange to see CAB.
Did you ever take out any payment protection insurance on your mortgage etc?
Can you take a payment holiday on the mortgage and loans?
would you qualify for the mortgage scheme grant thingy? (I'm sure someone will have a link shortly)
Tell him very very bluntly that if he doesn't get his head out his bottom then you WILL loose the house... hiding heads in sand doesn't work and he'll have to eat his pride!

Startinover

Where can I find templates for letters to send to the mortgage companies, credit cards etc? Just to give us breathing space?
Amex have been calling the house all week because he is late with his monthly payment now..I dont have the money to pay them!!

Chrisblue1962

Hi Startingover

Firstly, well done for having the clarity of mind to realise that you both are in debt trouble NOW. I don't wish to sound critical of your husband but he seriously needs to face up to the facts as they are TODAY not what he would like them to be.

Wishing and hoping things will get better will simply not pay the bills, keep a roof over your head or put food on the table!

I think you need to say to him that if he doesnt help you face facts then YOU must and will take control of the finances for BOTH of your sakes.

On a positive note, the people on this site are wonderful and genuine sources of wisdom, good advice and kindness and in the short time I have been on MSE I genuinely feel I am slowly moving forward re. my debts.

Good Luck to you both..

dancingfairy

I think you are right - you defninitely need to take control now - you can't go on hoping things will sort themselves out - you need to be proactive (which you are trying to be).
You need to do a thorough budget (called an SOA on here) - you need to work out which are the priority bills to pay mortgage, council tax, electric, gas , water etc and which are unsecured creditors (these come at the bottom of the pile if there is anything spare after the main bills).
I would definitely recommend you seek expert advice from CCCS or National Debtline or your local CAB as well.
You might want to get a new bank account away from your creditors and set up standing orders to the most important people - ie mortgage, council tax, electric etc then you can make sure they are being paid first. You can then cancel all the direct debits on the account you currently use as they are just causing you charges every month by the sounds of it.
I hope this makes sense to you.
df

Startinover

Thanks to everyone who has replied x x

Deep_In_Debt

National Debtline website has some good template letters you can use to send to your creditors.

Good luck.

El_Skinto

Hi

Can i just say that this is exaclty the same situation that we were in and it nearly killed us!!! After really struggling to go on we telephoned CCCS and started a DMP. As i say we were in the same boat. I really took its toll on us. Once we decided it was no longer viable to continue my OH got a job but no matter how much money was coming in it still wasn't enough to cover the bills. We continued liked this for a further 2 years of trying to stay above water but i finally realised that this could not continue when i couldn't even afford to make a payment to the CC for £10!! Every penny that was coming in was going stright out the door again. Even the thought of going into a supermarket made me ill - i knew we had to eat and most importanly feed our child it terrified me knowing that i had to spend money on food when there were bills still to be payed.

It took its toll on us - i suffered really bad with stress and anxiety and my OH was having panic attacks!!

The bank got us into more debt when the made us take out a loan to pay off 2 overdrafts to them - we knew at the time that we could not afford this but they said we had no choice. Maybe i was a bit niave as i had never even heard of this website or CCCS.

Anyway in July last year we simply could not go on any further. We had 2 kids now - had no money for food, nappies or baby food! I did the debt remedy from CCCS and when it said we would be debt free in 5 years and be able to live again it was like the weight of the world had been lifted from our shoulders.

We started the plan and it was really strange going into a supermarket to buy food and know it was ok? nuts I know but i still find this hard after what we have been through.

Please, please, please get your husband to read this or even just get advice from CCCS it doesnt mean that you have to take it any further but just to know that there are things that you can do to sort it out makes all the difference. I'm not saying its all plain sailling I am freaking out a little with my bank at the moment but compared to what we were like i think we are doing just fine.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I really can empathise with you as I have been there, done it and bought the t-shirt!!

Oldernotwiser

Why is the house in only his name when you're paying the mortgage?