Issues with relationships

girlwithissues

Yes i know what you mean about exaggeration! Thanks, i shall see how it goes .

Errata

I'm absolutely convinced that everyone thinks other people have a far more vivid, vibrant and frequent sex life that they do themselves. It's one of those urban myths.

paddy's_mum

I strongly suspect that issues of self-esteem are a huge part of these inter-related problems.

I can't reconcile your stated reluctance with the fact that you got drunk and slept with someone when you didn't want to .. which rather provokes the question of 'why did you, then?' (I'm not being nasty - it just seems to be totally at odds with some of the things you have said in your explanation)

I suggest that having another crack at counselling may be a useful way forward but clearly you also need to find a route that does deal with your real concerns, rather than one that you felt was largely irrelevant and therefore not productive.

Clearly you have a complex situation and I'm not sure that a chat forum is the way to deal with it. Given all that you have said, I suggest that you deserve professional help. Good luck.

girlwithissues

edited ,,,,

mummy_Jay

OP - you and me sound similar in the fact we both over analyise things but part of you wants a relationship even if you needed booze to throw you in at the deep end.

You feel knowledge of your health issues will change your relationship but also stated that you think this time the guys already aware and he's still there and still interested. So what if its just your scared and they are an easy thing to hide behind. Relationships bring change, compromise and the unknown, maybe this is more the issue?

How about you take it slow, so what if you've slept with him, doesn't mean you can't go out for a few evening and let things progress naturally?

or you can end up like me, I over analyise relationships to the point of destruction and then never get them off the ground. One of my dearest friends despairs of me for this. I've found a nice guy, I like him and talk to him for a while then I find something not quite right (they can be really silly things like wanting a dog when i don't) and I give up.

So how about a deal, I'll attempt to make it to a first date without writing the guy off before we've even meet (its set up for next week, I've been single for 6 yrs so its a bit of a shock to the system), you try having a date with this guy and just letting if flow naturally. What do you say?

esmf73

Dear Girl (WI!)

Haven't got a lot of time, but didn't want to read and run. Just wanted to say that you don't know what issues any partner of yours may have - with men it's all about a front and who knows whats underneath.

I can't offer any advice really other than to say that when you meet the right person he (or she) will be supportive and will want to help you through things, rather than pressure you to do something you don't want to do.

Don't put yourself under any pressure - whoever you choose to share your life with will be very lucky to have you - and you can choose to address any issues with them when YOU feel comfortable with it.

Best of luck - feel free to mail me if you want to chat anytime.

girlwithissues

Edited again

mummy_Jay

girlwithissues wrote: »

Hi MJ - he already knows about my health issues but i suspected he did..... Sounds quite like me indeed. You want a dog and I don't? See ya. I write people off too for the silliest reasons I'm sure.

Is this your first date in 6 years.? We have a deal. Think i'm going to edit out my original post

Well I've had 3 dates in the last 6 years and no-one has made it past date one. In the last 2 years I've not even got as far as the first date so I'm trying my hardest not to find too much wrong with him.

Afew years ago I wasn't so bad but I think the more comfortable i get with being on my own the harder I find it to let anyone in.

paddy's_mum

I'm sorry that you took my effort to be helpful as judgemental despite the bracketed comment which was trying to make clear my 'tone of voice' and awareness that you are distressed by a complicated situation.

Did you not see those words 'useful' 'deserve' and 'good luck'?