Issues with relationships

girlwithissues

Edited out.

jackieglasgow

I'm not really sure what advice I could give you, but I don't think you've done anything you should be ashamed of, you are both consenting adults, and you did something which other consenting adults the world over do, every day.

What I would say, is stop analysing it all. Enjoy his company, don't think about the kisses which are to come, of what's to come after that, just enjoy the moment your are in, at the time that you are in it. What's the word I'm looking for? RELAX!! I understand it's all a bit scary, but it sounds to me as if you are scaring yourself by over thinking things. Don't put the cart before the horse. yes, you'll make someone a good wife etc., but for tonight, you'll concentrate on having fun and enjoying this guy's company.

Hope it all works out for you. Have a {{hug}}

alleycat`

Didn't want to read and run - i'm late and in trouble

Firstly (and i know i have no idea who you are) you are not pathetic.
Get that out of your head right this minute

Have a *hug* for now and i'm sure the other MSE's will fix you up before i get myself out of bother

meltdown_point

huge hugs to you!!!!

well done on posting.......its usually the first step:)

nothing is wrong with you.......you have had a terrible time!!!!!

look into a mirror right now and tell yourself that your amazing!!
You have some amazing qualities that some of us can only dream of having!
your coping abilities from an early age are tremendous!!!

I still to this day have issues with my DP......in the intimate department!! I feel self conscious getting naked in front of him.....stupid really as i have a size 8 figure even tho my boobs are on the small size!!! Even in labour...i told him not below nipple height!!!!!!
I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me:) The other night he told me whilst lying in bed that he wanted to see me (im a lights off kinda girl)not just when i have had one too many vodkas!!!!! And yes it will happen, but I need a bit of time to concentrate on what I have to what I havnt got IYSWIM

Murray

I just wanted to add that you just need to give yourself time...I've been in a similar position (still am to a certain extent), had councelling etc (didnt work!). Things are improving though and its only through the passing of time and feeling more relaxed with my (long suffering) DH!

The right man wont pressurise you into doing anything you dont want to or rush you. I think you just need to explain that you've had problems in the past (no need to go into details) so that he doesnt feel pushed away or inadequate.

Remember that you have many other good qualities that will make up for a little less action

A long term relationship will have to survive the highs and the lows so I just explained to my OH that the best was yet to come and at least we know that we can survive the droughts!

girlwithissues

Edited again

Errata

I'm posting a link for a free online Life Skills course which has the support of the NHS. I understand that you felt a bit frustrated with counselling, but with this course you can go at your own pace, and do it privately. It should shed some light on your view of things and has 'nudges' to help you change what you want to. Best wishes


http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/

girlwithissues

Thanks Errata for such a supportive reply. I will check that link now.x

Murray

girlwithissues wrote: »

Murray - how long have you been with your OH?

7 years now but before that I had had much shorter relationships, all less than 1 year.

Its far more common a problem than we thing becuase us girls dont usually talk to each other about it!

girlwithissues

7 years is good going

Errata - I just registered

Murray

Also, men always elaborate when they are talking to their friends so...when my OH has been talking to his friends he comes away with the impression that they are at it all the time...however, if I've been talking to their OH's its a different story altogether! Its just wishful thinking but it doesnt help becuase my DH ends up thinking that our problems are worse than they really are.

Good luck with your new relationship. Just relax, enjoy and go with the flow!