A deep breath...

Scared2tell

Hello all, I am new to the site but have been lurking for a while...but I am finally going to take the plunge and need support!
I have been burying my head in the sand for a while and have managed to build up huge debts! Although the past year I haven't deepened myself any further into debt, I can't seem to see a way out, as I worked out I paid over £8000 last year in repayments but don't seem to get any further due to interest incurred on credit cards. I've been hiding this from my husband 2 be (we are getting married at the end of summer) and he knows nothing about what trouble I'm in. He does keep trying to talk to me, but I clam up and change subject, sometimes I just talk too much to stop him having the chance to even bring it up. But I have now decided tonight is the night I have to tell him. I am so scared of rejection, what happens if he says he doesn't want to be with me because of this? He is such a good man and deserves so much more than me.
I thought i could sort this out myself, but I've been turned down for 0% transfers and not sure what else to do. I earn a pretty decent wage but a lot of it ends up on debts. I am so scared to tell him, I do not know what his reaction will be, I just wish I'd told him sooner and I'd probably be out of this mess by now! I am so stupid (and so scared)!
Has anyone else gone through this??
Thanks in advance
S2T

casiquerbrado

Hi there.
Firstly , you are by no means a first to be in this situation.
Post your SOA , and you will get plenty of advice.
Having ' been there, done that ' , I would advise calling one of the debt charities , CCCS , CAB , National Debtline etc., and get some professional advice .
Then you can tell your partner the truth , but you will have a strategy for dealing with your debts.
It's daunting , I know , but you will feel much better for being honest about the situation.
Good luck , and let us know how you get on.

savingmummy

Hello and welcome
When i started reading your thread i was thinking `oh she has to tell her OH and then you go and say you are!! Well done this is a big step and a very good one!!
You need support and someone close by to talk with, as they say 2 heads are better then one. It also stops your OH from getting you to splash out on things you would normally have to go along with due him not knowing!
IF he don`t support you then he obviously isnt the person you thought he was, he may be shocked, angry you didnt tell him BUT 99% of the time couples pull together and he will support you.
He will be proud your dealing with your debts and believe me when i say it will be a weight off your shoulders once you tell him.
Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Also do a SOA this can help you and us see whats happening each month and see where you can reduce some outgoings to help boost repayments x

wuzzypoo

Hi S2T,

I'm sure once he gets over the shock, even if there is any shock at all as you said he had tried to talk about this so he might have an idea, but once you've told him I'm sure it'll be fine. If you are getting married I'm sure he loves you far far too much to split up over this, and once you have told him I am sure you will feel loads better yourself as well.

I'm not best placed to offer advice, but I can tell you, as I'm sure you know from your "lurking", that there so many fab folk on here who will be able to offer advice, and the support is great. Please don't be put off like I was at first with some of the know it alls, snappy responses etc, as these muppets are out weighed by good genuine folk by over 1000 to 1 on here. Folk will probably ask you to post a statement of affairs, to show what you have coming in and going out and then they can make suggestions of where you could cut back etc.

As I said try not to worry, once it's out it's out, and I'm sure he'll be as relieved as you to know what exactly has been bothering you.

Good luck, and I'm sure someone will be along any time soon to offer help and advice.

Wuzz.

Tixy

Hi S2T

Have you told him yet? how has it gone? presumably if he has tried to bring it up he must have at least an idea that you have some problems.

If you haven't told him yet then it might be an idea to tally up the total amount of your debts and do a statement of affairs.

It looks like you have managed to make a lot in repayments over the year so if we can just help you target your repayments to the right debts and work on decreasing the interest you should be able to make some inroads.

Well done for facing things and for telling (or preparing to tell) OH.

niccatw

Hi S2T

How did it go? I'm so glad you are telling him. No wonder you have been so scared, carrying all that worry yourself. As others have said, the two of you together will be able to support each other through this!

You have done the two hardest things - realising you need to take control of your debt and telling you fiance. It can only get easier. Once you feel in contol of the situation, you will feel much better.

And once you have got a plan of action, try not to obsess over it (which is a bit pot and kettle of me to say!) and allow yourself to enjoy your engagement and planning you wedding

katsu

I hope it went OK S2T. Tell him you will sort it out - you can get great advice on here to help you.

LandyAndy

If nothing else show him this site and this thread to show that you know there is a problem and that you've come to a place that will help you deal with it.

Hope things have gone well.

Anyway you need to sort out an SOA so that we can all offer meaningful advice.

Scared2tell

Hello all, thank you so much for your advice and support. I found it really encouraging when I was trying to build up the bottle to tell him, although your kind words made me cry more!!
So this is how it went....I gave him his dinner, then went to have a bath and try to think how to tell him, he came to the bathroom to chat and I burst into tears, then asked him to leave. Obviously he was massively concerned by this time, so I went to get into my pj's in the bedroom and he came in, I could not stop crying, then I said I couldn't tell him, this went on for a while, at one point he thought I was about to tell him I was having an affair. Anyhow, I finally blurted it out and bis response was - I know, I just don't know how much. So then I had to tell him the figure, he was shocked but said we will work it out. He said we are a team and this is something we will do together. He was amazing, made me feel worse though! I continued to cry for another 3hours or so! I could not have truly asked for a better person to marry! To be honest, it hasn't made me feel better but I am happier I am being honest to him.
I will post my SOA at some point today/tonight.
Thank you so much for your support its going to be a long haul.
xxxxx

huskypup

Hugs to you Scare2tell, I know how hard it is to tell the other half, I had to do it last week, the problem with mine is, he is away on exercise, so it was done by email and MSN, (not the best way) and not any easier, we have talked it through now, and I can't wait for him to come home - so we can sort it out together, like your other half he said we are a team (sometimes a rubbish one at that - which made me laugh) but a team non the less. I posted my SOA yesterday, and in two hours had managed to shave £100 a month off our budget - doesn't sound alot but it is to us at the moment, I have also spoken to my credit card companies who have all now reduced my payments for 3 - 4 months until our payrise's come through, then we will reassess how much we afford to pay - cards are temp frozen and no mention on credit rating until reassessment in a few months.

Take a deep breath post that SOA it really does help.

ceejaydee23

I would like to say a big WELL DONE! i skimmed alot of the posts, but your "confession" post to hubby to be nearly had me in tears! It just goes to show there are some decent guys out there after all x x bg hugs to you both in muddling through this together :T:beer: