Ex From Hell still going on 17 years later!!

frostyspice

Proc wrote: »

It's normally the men that get shafted like this during divorce.

Sigh. Look at the statistics. Women are invariably worse off after divorce. It's the price we pay for not having to put up with any more rubbish.

neneromanova

when they signed this agreement thing, Did he sign something to say that he would pay for the mortgage aswell and the upkeep on the house too?

kerry13238

my case was different but when i went through my house being divided because my ex husband did a runner the court decided that i should get the house fully because i was unlikely to every recieve any csa for our children so instead the judge awarded me the house + equity maybe this would apply to your sister if he has never contributed to financialy supporting the children she could be intitled to the equity.

kelloggs36

She can't claim backdated maintenance, it is too late

DeeDeeinDooDoo

Hi All,

I will concede that he is due some money for his initial investment.:cool:

SP1987: her youngest is still in full time ed and I think that we thought house was safe for a few more years and that my sister needed to start working out what to do. It has come as a shock to find that it is 'secondary education' on the agreement.

I think we need to send demanding letter about maintainance which I need to do further research of. Am speaking to sister this afternoon. We live a few hundred miles apart.

Neneromanova: Yeah we thought it would be 32K ie after value of mortgage outstanding taken off but it's not, it's a third of the 'Value'.

Mark13: I never thought I would be glad to say that her house has gone DOWN in value!

Kerry13238: Her ex was working at time of divorce and settlement so I am sure she expected maintenance off him but he lost his job very soon after and hasnt worked since. So he has as good as dissappeared and like you maybe my sister shoud now get a more generous share. Obviously legal advice would need to be taken and we will pursue this.

Kelloggs36: Can you point me to where I could check that please. I will do a search too to see what I can find out.

Hope I haven't missed any points out.

I'm going to be phoning her this afternoon and this has all been a great help. Thank you all very much.

loftus

Your sister is going to have to think seriously about how she wants to deal with it and balance up what you may think is fair against the reality of the situation.
You say she has to pay for legal advice and her ex is on legal aid. If she wants to try and re-visit the order, and there is no guarantee that she would succeed, and her ex takes it all the way to court (probably without even realising that his legal aid would have to be repaid) she could end up spending as much as she could save or potentially even more.
As much as it may seem unfair, an offer to her ex for a quick settlement, if you can raise the money, may be the least financially painful way to go.

DeeDeeinDooDoo

Hi Loftus

I've had a chance to speak to her at length on the phone. She is seeing a lawyer and I think the lawyer has got it sussed. It turns out that she cant be forced to sell just yet, she is protected till youngest leaves college so another two years BUT he is pushing all the time because apparently he is struggling with debts and needs the money yesterday. Lawyer has said my sister has to face it sooner or later and now that house prices are low, now could be a good time to do it. The lawyer thinks that she could whittle the 40K down with arguments about him not paying maintenance etc to perhaps 17-18K and to offer him cash for a quick settlement.

At the moment she is about to finish paying 1st mortgage IO, endowment and second mortgage whilst keeping the wolf from the door. Endowment due to mature this year (which is probably another reason he is pushing). She would prefer and also needs to have paid other things off before finding the cash for him either a new mortgage on the property or a loan. My dad(OAP) is insisting on selling his home to get money to pay her ex off. Not sure where he thinks he is going to live! Hopefully it wont come to that. So whilst it is all a pain it sounds like her lawyer has got the right idea she just needs to be paid for as well at some point.

Ex husband doesnt seem to be aware that whilst he has had all this legal aid he will have to pay some back if he comes into some money. He has sussed the 16K limit for savings cos he now wants to open bank accounts for his daughters!! Why would that be?

With regards to maintenance he was awarded 'zero tolerance' because of health issues and so could not be asked for it.

So it all feels a bit more manageable just now. I thought she was being pressurised into selling NOW or finding the 40K NOW and there is a little time for trying to work it out.

Thanks for your help and everyone else, it helped add a bit more perspective. When we get final outcome I will let you know how it panned out.

loftus

Good news about the extra time and I hope that she can use it to find a solution that is acceptable to her. I'm sure all the support she is getting from her family is a great comfort to her. Good luck.