Ex From Hell still going on 17 years later!!

DeeDeeinDooDoo

I am posting on behalf of my sister.

She divorced 17 years ago, she got to stay in house with baby and 4 year old. Settlement was when children had left school she had to sell house and give him one third (we believed it was of equity) So They had both worked and paid into house for 8 years to this point. My sister carried on payments of endowment policy, full mortgage payments.

He lost his job, drinks all his money, does not pay any maintenance and has harrassed my sister by taking her to court. He gets legal aid she works as a cleaner and does not. She had a big bill waiting for her from fighting all his actions.

Now the 'baby' has turned 17 and out of school he has got his solicitors to demand sale of house. or she can give him lump sum of cash.

It now seems to be turning out that the deal is: house now worth 120K he is to get a third of gross value!! 120K less his 40 leaves 60 from which my sister has to pay mortgage with endowment she thought was hers and she has paid for 17 years, which leaves 33K less bill for solicitors which she wont tell me sum of it is so big. She then walks away with maybe 20K to find a house for her and daughter.

She worked as a chambermaid whilst children little, getting up at 4am, children got themselves ready for school, too much responsibility for older daughter. She has not received a penny in maintenance from him. She can try and fight this but lawyer is on £189 per hour.

I wondered if as a family we buy him out, could she then sue for backpayment of maintainance??

Any advice gratefully received.

DeeDeeinDooDoo

Also meant to say, she was left with second mortgage which he spent on stuff which he tookwith him ie car etc and she paid it all off!!! Most unfair...

loftus

Bit confused sorry.

They were together 8 years and have been divorced 17. So that makes 25 years. Was the mortgage for longer than the standard 25 years? Because if not then the equity and value of the house are the same unless the endowment doesn't cover the mortgage? Also I assume she is left with £80k rather than £60k.

Not sure what the situation is regarding backdated claim for maintenance, although if he hasn't been working you're not looking at a lot.

There is nothing to stop you raising the money to buy him out as a family. If that can be done your sister doesn't need to sell up.

Good luck.

DeeDeeinDooDoo

Hi Loftus

Sorry, I think that should have been 80.

I think we (her family) thought that it would have to be sold once the little one left college but it seems that it can be a forced sale at 16. Her ex jumped in straightaway on his daughters 16th birthday! She is now 17. We thought that it would be value of house less the outstanding mortgage (my sister paid off the second mortgage due on it) and then divided by three. So we thought 120-23ish=97 / 3, he would get 32K which is horrendous enough. But his solicitors are demanding 40K.

He paid half the endowment and half mortgage interest for 8 years she has paid it all since but he is in effect getting the benefit of her endowment which she has paid 100% of for 17 years and which she paid half of for the previous 8 years.

I sort of calculate that he paid half of one third of the mortgage interest and endowment. 8 yrs out of 25. So his share should be about 2OK.

He has not contributed to his childrens care for all those years and did not maintain the asset. My sister did all of that on top of working hard.

I would be interested in finding out if there is an equation for working these things out fairly. Obviously the agreement was made 17 years ago before we knew that my sister would have to do it all. I think she expected maintainance at least.

Sorry, I realise I am ranting just a little bit:o.

loftus

I agree it sucks for your sister.

As regards having to settle the mesher order now, that really depends on the terms of the consent or court order. If it was upon the youngest finishing secondary education then he is within his rights to exercise it now.

Now I'm going to play devil's advocate.

You talk about the injustice of only your sister paying the mortgage and endowment since he left. However the counter argument would be - putting aside the fact that he appears to be a complete wash-out in every respect - that she is the one who has been benefiting from living in the house and her ex was the one who had to find and pay for alternative accomodation. Should he be expected to pay for this and half the house he wasn't occupying as well. (I realise the argument is going to be he is a dead beat and isn't paying anything but it's the general point I'm arguing).

I realise it doesn't appear to be fair on your sister, particularly as he hasn't paid a bean to her - and I hope there is a way for her to backdate a claim, although if he has been on benefits for most of the time it may be as low as £5 per child per week - however the problem is it sounds like it's what she agreed to at the time of the divorce.

I really hope she can get it sorted and I'm sure she values your support.

chesky369

She should go along to her local CAB and ask them to put her in touch with a solicitor who deals with marital problems (doesn't matter that she's divorced). They will be able to give her a 20-minute session free, even if she can't get legal aid, and she should have everything written down like you've just done, so they can advise her within the time precisely what her rights are.

tazzy2010_2

Hi just a quick one, has your sister been to the citizens advice bureau about this? She may be able to get advice (free)from them or they could refer her to a specialist (free/alot cheaper). They will have details of all the current legislation etc x

kingfisherblue

My ex wanted me to sell the house that I live in with our three children. It has been adapted for our son's disabilities. We had been together for almost twenty years, married for most of that time.

The judge decided that I can continue to live in the house (under certain conditions) but I pay the mortgage and endowments. When the time to sell arrives, he will get 50% of the proceeds. My case is different, as my child is disabled and will never be independent, but the barrister explained that in most cases, the non-resident parent is entitled to a higher percentage when the house is sold. this is because he has not had the opportunity to invest this money in another property or spend it in any other way.

So although it seems unfair, putting aside the fact that no maintenance has been paid (which is a separate issue), it seems as though your sister has actually had a better deal than many other parents with care.

If your sister wasn't sure about the terms of the order, she should have discussed it with her solicitor at the time. It should state in the order what will happen if there is any outstanding mortgage. It should also state what happens regarding the second mortgage.

I agree that it does not seem fair, but your sister agreed to the terms 17 years ago. She cannot now change those terms. It would be worth an hour of the solicitor's time to clarify exactly what the terms of the court order were and how it affects her now.

it might also be worth posting on the Child Support board to see if it is worth (or indeed possible) claiming for maintenance from previous years. I think it can only be claimed from the time a case is opened, so if your sister did not open a case previously, I doubt if she could do it now.

DeeDeeinDooDoo

Thanks so far for the input.

It is difficult for us to see his side of the story especially when he has been such a pain.

Kingfisher, that is very interesting to hear about your situation. So it would seem that my sister did well at the time with the split that was agreed. I think her expectation was to at least receive maintenance for the children and she would not have had to take on such hard work over the years. This did not happen.

With respect, in your case your ex husband had contributed for 20 years which is much longer than 8. Will your husband get 50% of the value of the property. (Cant see that bit whilst I;m typing). Does he pay maintenance? Please dont answer if I am being too nosy.

I take the point that her ex's money was not able to be invested elsewhere for the last 17 years. He didn't have to go to much expense though, Housing Benefit have picked up his bill all these years.

I think it is certainly worth her looking into claiming retrospective Mntnce and I will check wether she ever put in a claim, I'm sure she did but eventually gave up.

I am thinking that perhaps he might accept a cash offer to settle quickly ie £25K. Does anyone have experience of that?

thorsoak

Maybe your sister should ask if it would possible to claim retrospective child maintenance - and deduct that amount from the amount due to ex-OH from the sale/remortgage of the house???

neneromanova

Why does he want £40k and not the £32k which is 1/3?