How to tell parents moving in with boyfriend! (not moneysaving, just lifesaving :x)

melancholly

it sounds like you need to speak to your girlfriend about what she thinks is the best scenario - she knows them best! i think living with someone is the best way to find out if the relationship is serious (ignoring out of place comments on living in sin from earlier!). I can see her parents being concerning that she's just 'fitting in' with your uni lifestyle and that you will be living in a shared house rather than just the two of you, and also the fact that she will need to move away with you for your placement year and then back again. it's hard to see her building a career with all those moves. She needs to make it clear to them that it's her choice.

I would imagine that if you're both making this a major move to be together, then you should probably be there when she tells them, since hopefully you're going to be a permanent fixture in her life. Although she might need to do most of the talking! If they have lots of questions then they will either ask both of you or pin her down and ask her when she's on her own - that's out of your hands!

I can see her parents being concerned - i guess you need to convince them that you're not taking advantage of her and that you want this to work. Incidently, i'm more worried about the 'ideal age to get married' comment - surely the ideal age is when you meet the right person, whether you're 16 or 84?!

it's probably worth telling them well in advance so that they have time to get used to it - a last minute bombshell probably isn't the best move possible!

good luck!

MercilessKiller

melancholly wrote:

it sounds like you need to speak to your girlfriend about what she thinks is the best scenario - she knows them best! i think living with someone is the best way to find out if the relationship is serious (ignoring out of place comments on living in sin from earlier!). I can see her parents being concerning that she's just 'fitting in' with your uni lifestyle and that you will be living in a shared house rather than just the two of you, and also the fact that she will need to move away with you for your placement year and then back again. it's hard to see her building a career with all those moves. She needs to make it clear to them that it's her choice.

I would imagine that if you're both making this a major move to be together, then you should probably be there when she tells them, since hopefully you're going to be a permanent fixture in her life. Although she might need to do most of the talking! If they have lots of questions then they will either ask both of you or pin her down and ask her when she's on her own - that's out of your hands!

I can see her parents being concerned - i guess you need to convince them that you're not taking advantage of her and that you want this to work. Incidently, i'm more worried about the 'ideal age to get married' comment - surely the ideal age is when you meet the right person, whether you're 16 or 84?!

it's probably worth telling them well in advance so that they have time to get used to it - a last minute bombshell probably isn't the best move possible!

good luck!

Shes away till the 6th of September and we move in on the 20th... so maybe 2nd day she's back?

As for the marriage comment, to be honest it was just based on looking at average age for marriage as well as costs! Getting married earlier could really do some damage to ye old finances.. so maybe its more important waiting a few years to get the money maybe? Im not sure, I'm still young when it comes to that type of thing.

The other reason that age is good because I would have been out of uni for a couple of years, she'll be settled in a job, so there aren't many life changing things that could happen to ruin things! If we got married while i was in 3rd year and found out i needed to go abroad to get the best job and she didnt want to (hyperthetical as we're thinking about that anyway but long term wise..) then it would make it very awkward!

Either way, it was just a discussion on the topic of marriage rather than "ours" for example. I don't know, I may well end up proposing before, or even after depending on circumstances. It isn't important in this part of the topic! We both really deep down believe that we're right for each other though.. great feeling!

cricketmad_2

MercilessKiller wrote:

Thanks for that

Suzzi (the girly) decided not to go to uni before she really met me. She had alraedy been accpeted but she had no intention of going really as even though she got very good grades at her A levels, she HATED education and would rather get a full time job and her tennis license. Wish she told her parents this earlier:p

I thought that once you accept a university placement and got the necessary grades it becomes legally binding? Thats what I've been warned anyway...

talksalot81

A great way of testing how deeply someone is committed in this sort of situation is the marriage suggestion. If you both dont see a split as possible, then why are you not getting married? It doesnt matter how long you have been together, if you talk the talk, you really should be able to walk the walk. If either of you really doesnt want to face it yet, the talk isnt everything that you think.

If I were you, I would certainly keep that in your own mind (in addition to what her parents are going to say!). Id also point out that moving in together implies one thing very clearly. Her parents will be very aware of that and (unless you have already tackled this, which i doubt given the nature of this thread) are not likely going to be pleased.

MercilessKiller

talksalot81 wrote:

A great way of testing how deeply someone is committed in this sort of situation is the marriage suggestion. If you both dont see a split as possible, then why are you not getting married? It doesnt matter how long you have been together, if you talk the talk, you really should be able to walk the walk. If either of you really doesnt want to face it yet, the talk isnt everything that you think.

If I were you, I would certainly keep that in your own mind (in addition to what her parents are going to say!). Id also point out that moving in together implies one thing very clearly. Her parents will be very aware of that and (unless you have already tackled this, which i doubt given the nature of this thread) are not likely going to be pleased.

Her parents like me and don't mind us together so thats ok. As for marriage thing, end of the day its still early in the relationship. We'll move in together, see how it goes! We don't want to really rush anything, even moving in is rushing, we seriously havent been together for that long in comparison..

Marriage now would be too quick and not special if we dont wait for it. If we're togehter for years, it'll be something to give us a VERY happy year for example? Its something to live for and look forward to atm We want to move in, see how that goes, start our lives together, and if it works (which we both think it will).. then we cna move in.


As for uni, she has been 100% accepted and will definitely get the grades needed. I am seriously hoping you aren't correct in saying it's legally binding. If she doesnt pay tuition fees what are they going to do.. chuck her out? If she went and dropped out after a week thats aloud so afaik she can just decide not to go!!?

talksalot81

I didnt mean whether they liked you, i meant whether they liked you sleeping with their daughter! I doubt that fact will have escaped them....

MercilessKiller

Her mums already caught us in bed (not in the act luckily)

That was embarrasing enough but her mum then took us out for a meal the next day.. think she's happy for her daughter finding someone

Skyhigh

heymylastnameislewis wrote:

are you married? in the eyes of god u r commiting a sin other wise! just something to think about!

I think you'll find that co-habiting isn't a "sin", thankyouverymuchmr/mrsgodbotherer


Anyhow, most of the bases have been covered by other people in this post, so all I can recommend is to work out the 'worst possible scenario'.

Her parents go off the wall, disown her and aren't too happy with you either.
No one dies, no massive disaster - yes its not the best outcome, but its workable in the future

Best case, they have no problem with it and actively encourage you both to co-habit (doubtful they'll encourage you ).


As for sleeping with someones child, well parents are protective and show it in strange ways.
My parents are fine with my girlfriend being together under their roof, as they know it happens, its life, it always will and has happened and they'd prefer that they at least know we are in a safe enviroment, rather than sneaking off and maybe being too rushed to use precautions.
Unlike my gf's parents, who have the view of "not under MY roof".


Its always a good idea to live togther - not at someones house or a parents, for a while before you start setting wedding dates too, even when you spend alot of time together and at each others houses, its a bit different and usually in a good way


As for the University thing, well....technically she has no signed anything.
If she went through UCAS, then UCAS is merely a service to put you with a Uni, the forms you sign for UCAS don't bind you to a University.
So if it came down to it, it would be hard to prove a binding contract.

Also, Uni's have thousands of students, mine has 23k.
They tend to be very understanding if a student decides that they want a break from Uni or just don't want to go.
They may, at the worst as her in for a re-interview about it.

But really, if you just want to cut it short, tell them that she doesn't want to attend the University for "personal reasons" and that she does not want to discuss it.
Personal reasons do cover, in fact, a change in tack of your career or simply changing your mind.

As I said, Universities wont want to try and chase students over a few grands tuition fee when they're getting alot more in the sum total.


Universities do not like bad press, they will most likely not persue a person over "not attending once they got accepted" and a few grand for the sheer risk of the bad press.

(Lets see, 23k students, 5k international students .... for a sum total of £96million on tuition fee's alone, nevermind the housing and halls they cash in on)

:!:

MercilessKiller

Thanks very much We'll talk to her parents, and then the day after we'll ring her uni...

i'm just so excited its going to be all happening. Tis the good part of growing up i suppose

lots of good advice there, thank you.

btw my dads the "not under my roof" type.. when she stayed for a few weeks, we had to sneak into each others rooms every night.. worked like a treat, but felt like we were kids!!! lol!!