Money Saving Attitudes

rkh001

I find that my OH and I don't sing from the same song sheet when it comes to money saving. Where food shopping is concerned, we are okay. Where bills are concerned, we are not okay. Where cutting back on smoking etc is concerend OH is totally defiant and swears that he only smokes less than a packet a day.

I constantly worry about money/debts. I need another car as mine has failed its MOT and will need a new engine - the car is only worth about £200. But I need a car for more than just work and I don't have any money to get another one!

OH has debts of over £45k but insists on paying the minimum. I keep reminding him that if/should something happen to him, I will be liable to pay his debts off his half of the estate which would mean that I would have to sell the house etc. and then we end up arguing because he says I am a very negative person and just thinking of myself.

Am I sounding bitter? YES, because that is how I feel. My own debts of about £10k are being managed as I snowball etc but I constantly worry about his debts. We tried to call CCCS several times but they always seem to be engaged, then I sent them an email about 4 weeks ago and they have not bothered to respond.

Is anyone in a similar boat to me? What else can I do to make things work for us (financially)? Thankfully we do not have joint accounts or joint debts other than a mortgage.

Sorry to go on but it does get me down all the time - his head is buried so deep down in the sand that I doubt if itwill ever come out of there.

Thanks for reading.

Older_but_not_wiser_2

Unfortunately, you cannot do anything until he faces up to the reality of the situation.
He has to have his own "lightbulb" moment, and until that happens, he will happily coast along paying the minimum he can get away with.

Perhaps you could get him to agree to sit down and go through all his debts, writing them down all together. This might help him see how deep in debt he is, if he sees all his debts added up on one piece of paper. Then work out how long it will take him to pay it all off at the current rates.

If this doesn't help, then you've just got to wait until he wakes up to the truth, or give him some sort of ultimatum, and stick to it.

Tr@cker

Dump him now.

Older_but_not_wiser_2

Tr&#64 wrote: »

Dump him now.

That's the other option I forgot about

Contains_Mild_Peril

Older_but_not_wiser wrote:

Perhaps you could get him to agree to sit down and go through all his debts, writing them down all together. This might help him see how deep in debt he is, if he sees all his debts added up on one piece of paper. Then work out how long it will take him to pay it all off at the current rates.

Good idea, and while you have the calculator out, maybe you could also work out just how much he'd be paying back altogether in the long run if he keeps making minimum payments - that should scare him a bit!
I can almost understand his point a bit about your negativity when you talk about the mess in which you'd be left if something happened to him, so maybe it would be better to focus on how much better it would be for him and for the two of you as a couple: point out that if you both clear your debts, you'll have a much happier retirement than you would otherwise.

CosmoCat

this is a very tricky one...

are you married? they say that money is the number one cause of break ups and divorce. you really have to know that you're on the same page when it comes to money and dealing with your finances.

maybe when you finally become debt free and are able to do alot of things for yourself, he'll get really jealous and have his lightbulb moment. the question is, are you willing to wait that long.

have you tried showing him how long it will take to pay off his debts if he continues to pay the minimum. i know there are some sites which can calculate that for you. i don't know where they are though, maybe some kind soul can point you in the direction of one.

but you have to keep plodding along with your debt, no matter what. and you have to seriously consider how his debts will affect your future. and not just your future after he's gone, but your future while he's still around. and maybe you can share how that makes you feel with him, without judgement. and maybe you can tell him what you're prepared to do about it, but only after you've figured that out for yourself.

sorry if my waffle is incomprehensible, but i really feel for you and i wish you all the best with this.

Prudent

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I hate to be discouraging, but it is unlikely to improve unless he chooses to make changes himself. I was married for 10 years to someone like your oh. I worried constantly about the situation, but he seemed unbothered. My concern was that I and our child could loose our home if he died and the money had to come from the estate. I went the opposite way and became a compulsive saver! I think it was the feeling that I would need money if he did die to pay the debts! You seem to also be worrying for him. If he is in denial, he may never acknowledge your worries are grounded.

My marriage split up for other reasons and my oh began spending even more extravagently. He ran up a further £25k of debt in a year on an income of 60k with only himself to support (very evasive about child maintainence). That was about 4 years ago and he has continued to remain in debt although seems to have reduced his spending a little.

I am sorry this is a bit of a long story, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. It is hard if you love him - but you may have a choice of living with the situtaion or not continuing the relationship.

Chrismojam

https://www.whatsthecost.co.uk/snowball

Chrismojam

Can't give you advice really, but I do know how frustrating it can be when you are both not on the same wavelength.......I'm the saver, and make sure all the debts are paid..........he see a shiny new gadget an wants it....:rolleyes:

rkh001

Yes we are married. Dumping him isn't really a solution (not at this point anyway) as I have only been married 4 years and I'd like it to last a bit longer.
You are all right - he needs to have his own lightbulb moment and I just have to make sure that my debts clear ASAP so that I can then think of moving, should it come to that.
I think I will get all his statements today, do a snowball and show him how much interest he is paying my parying the minimum and how long it would take him to pacy it all back. He wrote to the CC companies and asked them to stop the interest whilst he was unemployed - some said yes, others ignored his letters. So, he just left it then. Didn't bother pursuing them. I think CCCS need to get hold of him and sort him out but if he doesn't make the first move himself, then he will be up ****creek!
Thanks for all your responses.

Warriorsith

My OH likes to get in debt as she wants to have items right now, when she likes something she has to have it within a week, which like yourself is frustrating. Perhaps you should do all the working out of his debt as you've said and then show him this website, see then if he reads other peoples debt problems that the switch in his head might click on and light will appear? if not it's worth a try. I'd do as someone said before, clear your own debts, debts that you share and then save like you never have before than atleast in that time you'll always have something to fall back on when the time arises for you and your family.