Help , advice please..urgent

aimtoresolve

the whole picture I found out today from the daughter
in gut wrenching conversation
previously I was given an inkling of it on friday, not the full story, from her aunt

going to discuss with the ex-partner sometime this week

i may sound distanced and detached in this thread, bt its my way of coping

1 I also feel a new school is called for
2 She needs to be in a safe enviorment
3, this I feel has exploded in te last few months
4, she has been stayig with m ex , as new friends she met at the new school lived near her

aimtoresolve

Caroline73 wrote: »

You only 'believe' the school have involved a child protection team. Why don't you know? Have you discussed this with the school / police / social worker? What things do you want to be done?

The ex partner aunt disclosed this last friday after her sister spoke to her

With regard to your daughters lack of communication I'm wondering if it because you appear to hate her family so much and are so derogatory about them.
i think its because I workto a certain time
home time comes,and she is out to play

Why is it relevant that you work and your ex wife doesn't? Remember if you hate them, you hate half of her, that could be how she sees it. She also sounds like she has lots of confidence issues, if she is prepared to do something degrading in front of a group of boys so she doesn't get dumped.



2 hate the family...thats a laugh, if it appears that is the case, i`m angry because I see a cycle

Lets look at it like this
your growing up
your role models in the house you live in
the mother, leaves her brother to pick up daughter from school while she floats around to her male mates
the brother ...has not worked for years, no responseablities, ges out of bed around 11 am every day


The father
takes the daughter to school every day,
then goes to work
also gets involved, parents evening etc , takes her out

finally realises, this isn`t going anywhere, splits up

Daughter is naturally upset

Father tries to be understanding

daughter lives with father untl I move

because I moved , my daughter moved back home, plus flat was 1 bedroomed

Your reaction to the situation is good - no shouting or trying to serve your own form of justice. What does she want to do? Does she want to forget about it, seek justice?

that is stll being debated



I am a long time member of MSE
this is being posted under a different name

aimtoresolve

I am in the process of arranging an interview with the school
I will be requesting from local lea a change of school
she was only bundled into this one at the last minute

notakid

I think you need to make an appointment with the school to find out what is happening. Why child protection have been called in.

I'm glad your daughter could talk to you and you reacted as a parent should.

What would your daughter like to do? Would she like to live with you? Can she?

Can you speak to the Mother about what happened, it may help.

Kids can be so cruel, its amazing how sexually forward some children are. This needs to be nipped in the bud before the bullying/gossip gets out of control.

P:S I think its quite a common situation for Schools to deal with unfortunley.

aimtoresolve

QUOTE=euronorris;29455225]Thanks for the clarification.

OK, do you have any custody rights at the moment? If not, is there anything stopping you from applying for at least part time custody?

Have you spoken to the school about it? Have you tried somewhere like childline for advice?
going to arrange a meeting, calling tomorrow
frst of all , getting my head round it

Can you have your daughter stay with you immediately. ie, so you can take her out of the situation, take a step back, a breather and then start dealing with it.
she is with me
and I intend to start dealing with this

Your daughter is not a sl*t! But, if that is what her mother is telling her, then perhaps she can benefit from being pointed in the direction of a helpline/online support group. Anything to reassure her that she is not a sl*t.[/QUOTE]
I agree she is not a !!!!!!

yes kids can be cruel, and I can see where this is going if its not dealt with

euronorris

You need to get as much reassurance in there, as quickly as possible, as detrimental comments from her mother will quickly diminish her self esteem.

Is there anything she likes to do that is 'normal'. Sorry, I don't usually like that word, but she would probably benefit from doing something that she normally enjoys to do. If too much attention is placed on the incident itself, she may start to feel like everyone sees her as 'that girl', when she just wants things to return to how they used to be.

So, you know, don't make a fuss about it, but Bowling, Ice Skating, Cinema with her friends. That sort of thing.

Caroline73_2

I think you need to take charge as the mother won't. At 12 your daughter will probably just want to forget about it but she will need to tackle it in some way.

Is the Aunt your sister or on your ex's side? Your daughter is obviously happy talking to her so keep that going. I'd advise speaking to the school nurse as well, she should be able to offer some informal counselling.

@notakid - school will be legally obligated to inform CP team.

I wouldn't advocate switching schools necessarily, children always know someone at the other school so it may not solve the problem of bullying.

Let us know what happens.

aimtoresolve

Aunt is on exs side

I still think switching schools is better
she has only been at this one since october

busiscoming2

OP - you have done the right thing in having your daughter with you and I hope you make an appointment with the school to see what is happening there.

I can't believe though, that you left your partner because you 'believed the mother was not really bothered about being a mother' so you took your dd to live with you, but then moved to a 1 bed place and sent dd back to dare I say it 'uncaring' mother?? because you work? Other working one parent families cope, why couldn't you? If you cared enough you would have kept her in your care.
I know this may not be the reason this has happened to your dd, but could it possibly be because she wanted to feel like she belonged and someone cared?

aimtoresolve

I can't believe though, that you left your partner because you 'believed the mother was not really bothered about being a mother' so you took your dd to live with you,

nope,
perhaps not explained properly
I did not take her with with me, I moved into friends for a while
daughter stayed on weekend basis
until I found a decent flat
then daughter moved in
i then had to move six months later literally a further distance
daughter moved with me
it was summer/autumn, daughter in playscheme etc, while I was at work
then she starts school, dads at work, she finishes school early every day, goes back to mums
meets new friends at school, who live near her mums

for this only child, this was exciting, as all her school friends from her primary school had gone to different schools

but could it possibly be because she wanted to feel like she belonged and someone cared?
maybe, there is certain things which can point to this

yes other one parent families do cope
im not debating this
I am just looking for advice etc
if someone else had been in the same situation
believe me if I could talk to someone (a family friend etc I would)
as now its all about my daughter