Help , advice please..urgent

aimtoresolve

Hi

I need help advice please

I have a 12 year daughter who started a new school in Oct 2009

She is an only child , and was till then, an age of innocence
her background, her parents split up 18 months agao
basically as the father believed the mother was not really bothered about being a mother( long story)

For quite a few months daughter stayed with father in his flat as it was closer to primary school
when father had to move due to end of tenancy , daughter started new school in oct
and lived with mother
as father works
she currently until a few days ago lived with her mum and a drop out brother who has not worked for years
another reason why I walked

Since she has started the new school, it has a been a whole new world....not for the better

She has performed brilliantly at school learning wise,...however became involved with boys
And has now been abused and used in the classical sense

i.e if you do not do this I will dump you

i.e perform a sexual act

She has now become a object of bullying, ridicule,etc, and I believe child protection has been notified by the school

I have only just found about this last friday
and after a heart-wrenching chat with her today, feel I need to move forward
It may sound detached, but I need todo something
this happened after school hours
and it was a case of a gang of boys from her school, including the
.e if you do not do this I will dump you
i.e perform a sexual act

Her mothers reaction
your a !!!!!! , your horrible, your digusting

my reaction
a hug and words (conversation) no recriminations
and now wish to work out the way forward
some pointers
my daughter has no family on my side
my ex partner family
all are on the dole
3 have children
1 on child protection
i live n a large city

me , kept in touch with daughter daily whilst she was at school, but contact from her was intermittent
she stayed every other weekend with me
but not very comunicative about life, school etc
I now feel things need to be done

I work and have anunderstanding boss

euronorris

I'm confused, you say 'Mother's reaction' and 'my reaction' as though these are different, but you said she is your daughter at the start of the post.

Please could you clarify, your post is very confusing.

shellsuit

Are you the Father??

ckerrd

euronorris wrote: »

I'm confused, you say 'Mother's reaction' and 'my reaction' as though these are different, but you said she is your daughter at the start of the post.

Please could you clarify, your post is very confusing.

I thought it was just me - there are obviously serious issues here but not sure who is who in the OP

peachyprice

euronorris wrote: »

I'm confused, you say 'Mother's reaction' and 'my reaction' as though these are different, but you said she is your daughter at the start of the post.

Please could you clarify, your post is very confusing.

I think this is the father writing?

JimmyTheWig

euronorris wrote: »

I'm confused, you say 'Mother's reaction' and 'my reaction' as though these are different, but you said she is your daughter at the start of the post.

Please could you clarify, your post is very confusing.

I believe the OP is not the OP's daughter's mother.
I believe he is her father.

aimtoresolve

Yes I`m the father...apologies for confusion
just trying to get my head round it all

shellsuit

How did you find out that this 'boys' stuff has happened?

JBD

OP, have you discussed this with the mother?

euronorris

Thanks for the clarification.

OK, do you have any custody rights at the moment? If not, is there anything stopping you from applying for at least part time custody?

Have you spoken to the school about it? Have you tried somewhere like childline for advice?

Can you have your daughter stay with you immediately. ie, so you can take her out of the situation, take a step back, a breather and then start dealing with it.

Your daughter is not a sl*t! But, if that is what her mother is telling her, then perhaps she can benefit from being pointed in the direction of a helpline/online support group. Anything to reassure her that she is not a sl*t.

Caroline73_2

aimtoresolve wrote: »

Hi


She has now become a object of bullying, ridicule,etc, and I believe child protection has been notified by the school


but not very comunicative about life, school etc
I now feel things need to be done

I work and have anunderstanding boss

You only 'believe' the school have involved a child protection team. Why don't you know? Have you discussed this with the school / police / social worker? What things do you want to be done?

With regard to your daughters lack of communication I'm wondering if it because you appear to hate her family so much and are so derogatory about them. Why is it relevant that you work and your ex wife doesn't? Remember if you hate them, you hate half of her, that could be how she sees it. She also sounds like she has lots of confidence issues, if she is prepared to do something degrading in front of a group of boys so she doesn't get dumped.

Your reaction to the situation is good - no shouting or trying to serve your own form of justice. What does she want to do? Does she want to forget about it, seek justice?