partner left on monday....mixed emotions

sillybillyme

hi all
im after a bit of advise really, my partner left on monday evening as we have not been getting on well for a few weeks, i felt a bit of releif that night for about an hour as i knew we were not geting on and it was not fair on the kids. now i dont know how to feel one miniute i want to cry then i feel angry then i find myself laughing with the kids or smiling but soon enough reality hits and i realise what has happened. i have an appointment at my local job centre tommorrow afternoon for some advise. i realise it is normal to feel different emotions and think about things all the time but it just feels horrible and i dont know which way to turn?

do i give it time so we can both have our own space or try and sort it out asap?
i do have doubts about our relationship as like i said we have been getting more and more distant. i dont know if i miss him or the company if you know what i mean.
xx

Person_one

Would he be willing to go to relate counselling with you? It can even be useful to go on your own just to get things straight in your head. If you aren't working you will be helped with the cost.

sillybillyme

i dont think he will be willing to go to relate counselling as he is the type to think that you only go for counselling when your depressed or an addict etc if that makes sense!!!!
i saw him on wednesday but have not heard from him today, im adamant i will not text him at the moment as i need time, the last thing i want to do is rush back into anything for it all to happen again. im 23 and have been with him since i was 17 so my adult life so far has revolved around him and my kids. it seems strange to be on my own in the evenings.

Person_one

If he won't go with you would you consider going on your own? After that length of time together this is a massive change for you and you need some outside support and someone to talk to to work it all out.

If you are apart right now there is clearly something wrong that just getting straight back together will not solve so you are right to be taking time to yourself.

I hope it all works out for you one way or the other.

SUPER_SAVER_7

I can undertsand how you feel as I've been there b4. You need to figure out what you want and if you want it to work you need to tell him. You may just need a bit of space as relationships can get into a rut especially being with him since 17. You've grown up together too. Tell him if you want it to work and just both need a bit of space to finally realise it x

Michelin

It seems like a separation to give you both some time and space might be a good thing just to get your thoughts in order. Have you planned a meeting with him soon? Is he up to talking yet?

sillybillyme

thanks for your replies. i feel like it will do us good to have some time apart to realise what we both really want.
i feel like we are stuck in a rut as life together just seems like a routine at the moment. i dont know whether he is up to talking at the moment and i dont want to push him and start an argument for no reason. he does not help around the house or with the kids, i know he works and dont expect him to do much but it wouldnt hurt to offer to bath the kids whilst i wash up once in a while etc. i dont want to be a nagging girlfriend but i also dont want to wake up one day when im older and realise giving our relationship another go was a mistake. xx

Michelin

It won't be a mistake giving your relationship another go if you both acknowledge what is wrong with it and if you are committed to try and work on the issues. You were obviously both very young when you got together and that, plus having small children, can make you both feel like your life is in a rut. It happens to all of us at some time when we think 'is this it'?

Time apart will indeed make you both focus on what you want out of life and whether you can do that as a couple.

Can you fix up some time to talk maybe in a couple of days away from the house and without the children? Once you start this, you can move forward whichever way you decide.

SUPER_SAVER_7

Look after yourself and the children and try not to let it get to you. If he wants you he'll soon come running. Take care of yourself x

sillybillyme

i think it will be a good idea to talk things through without the kids and away from the home im certain we need this time apart as we both need to be 100% sure and put 100% into our relatioship whichever way we choose to go as we still have children together.

super saver: i will take this time to just be me and try not to worry about things and basically just relax and enjoy being a mummy before they grow up and leave me too!!! xx

Karen_30

Hi,

Hope you are ok today. All relationships get stuck in a rut and it's how you deal with this that matters. A bit of time and space will allow you both to work out your feelings and what it is that you want from life and then you will be able to move forward with or without each other.

Just been through a similar thing myself (without children) and although it was hard and like you said earlier a whirlwind of emotions it was the right thing to happen and now we are moving forward 'together' as a couple and the future looks positive.

Just to add also, I agree to what others have said and take the time to think about what it is that 'you' want - the relationship will only work if you are happy.

Pehaps a rut is exactly what you are stuck in and if these issues can be addressed and you are both willing to work at things i'm sure it'll all work out....keep your chin up and have a good go at 'finding yourself' in all of this (sounds wishy washy I know!) perhaps with being together so young and children etc you've both forgotten who you were as individuals and what your relationship together is about?

Posting on here is fab and you'll have great support - I have and know one of my biggest supporters has already posted here to give you some advice

Feel free to PM if I can be of any help.

Take good care, xx