Child not settling in rented house

sarmia

Not sure if this is the right thread but I recently moved out of my home which I shared with partner and little boy.

I have taken over a rental house but my little boy hates it. He continues to scream for his dad, will not sleep just cries. He is not getting any sleep and I have been told that they have noticed a change at nursery.

Has anyone been in the same situation? I am only four weeks into a 26 week contract and dont know what to do.

Jowo_2

What's your actual problem - that you left a property and wonder about whether you had any rights to remain there? that you wish to move out of the rental property early (and if so, where would you go?).

Check the terms of your contract. Quite often, a 6 month fixed term contract is precisely that and doesn't permit the tenant to serve any notice to end it earlier.

If landlords permit the tenant to surrender the tenancy (they don't have to), they usually expect the tenant to pay until a new tenant is found and any additional expenses incurred in the early relet, such as advertising fees. If you got the accommodation through an agency, they may have some kind of admin fee.

The Shelter website provides a section on relationship breakdowns, including rights to the family home - why did you move out and not your partner? were you tenants or owners and if so was the ownership or tenancy in joint names?

goldengirl28

was the transition from your previous home traumatic?

Does he see his dad at all?

is he in his own room, Was he before?

How old is he?

Moving with little one's can be quiet off putting for them and sometimes it takes them a while to adjust, if you are moving in settled conditions, then building it into an adventure and helping them set their rooms up, choose, paint, wallpaper etc............can help.

is he crying during the day as well or just at night?

sarmia

I moved out as was unable to pay the mortgage on my own or be in a situation to buy the other partner out.

I could move back into the house, but this isnt really what I want. My little boy sees his father as we do spend 'family time' together to keep everything as normal as possible for him. I did not expect him to react like this.

poppysarah

Have you stopped contact between the child and his dad?

There's no reason a child shouldn't settle. If they are anxious you need to talk to them about it so they understand why you've moved.


Have your child's father come and visit his new bedroom. Let him have a pic of his dad there perhaps.

Jowo_2

sarmia wrote: »

I moved out as was unable to pay the mortgage on my own or be in a situation to buy the other partner out.

The Shelter website details schemes that the government set up to help home owners who are struggling to pay their mortgage in order to prevent repossession. I believe there might even be one where a social housing provider takes over the property and then rents it back to the family...

Can't your partner afford to pay child support to have assisted you to remain the family home?

DVardysShadow

I suggest you get to the bottom of WHY the poor lad is not settling before even thinking of moving. Because it is a fair bet that going into another rented house will not deal with what is bothering him. It will however be even more stress to detach from the present house just as he is coming to terms with the house itself, even if his issue still remains.

theartfullodger

I moved out as was unable to pay the mortgage on my own

Sorry if I'm telling you something that may make you even gloomier, but if your name is/was on the mortgage then you will still be liable for any debts on that mortgage, regardless of your being in the property or not.

Sorry to hear about your son.

Suggest you urgently contact CaB
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

and/or
Shelter
http://england.shelter.org.uk/
0808 800 4444

for advice..

they are both charities & have too many demands on their help so you may need to be very patient to get an appointment (you usually need to go & see them first, then get an appt..)

Hope it works out

Lodger

princeofpounds

I moved once every two/three years throughout my childhood (and no, I'm not a gypsy!).

There is nothing intrinsically disruptive for a child about moving house. Nor is there anything worrying for a child about being in rented for gods sake! When they are still nursery age they do not form peer bonds that are anywhere near as important as parental bonds and they generally aren't that picky about the shade of their wallpaper.

The problem is far more likely to come from the difficulties at the family level, and as reflected worries from the adults. A move will not normally be traumatic for the kids unless they are somehow shown that it is a traumatic event and/or get some kind of attention benefit from treating it as such, or it threatens the familial bonds in some ways. Some children are even nomadic, and they grow up perfectly well-adjusted.

So in summary, I very much doubt that it is the house that is the problem here.

I think you need to take a close look at the events of the split-up, access to the partner he has formed a parental attachment to, and examine yourself for any worry you might project onto him.

I'm not saying its easy to behave normally when obviously it's a difficult time for you, but it might help him.

gizmo0205

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time but you do need to give things some time. You're little one's whole life has changed, you and your partner have seperated and he has moved to a new home so his whole family dynamic has changed which can be very unsettling for a young child (obviously he is under 5 as you say nursery have mentioned the changes in him). Four weeks is not a lot of time for him to have come to terms with this and there is no guarantee that he would have remained unaffected if you had stayed in the family home and his father moved out as he would still be missing daddy being there all the time. I have been where you are as my ex kicked me and our children out of our home and it took a good few months before they started to feel settled and secure. What I would advise though is facing up to the fact and letting your child know that this is your home now and make plans to make it nice for yourself, I moved from out house to my mums and then to a hostel before I finally moved into our own place and I think going backwards and fowards all the time was more traumatic for the children than the relationship breakdown between me and their dad. Give it time, he is only little but he will get used to it all eventually as long as you are there to give plenty of love and cuddles.

goldengirl28

sarmia wrote: »

Not sure if this is the right thread but I recently moved out of my home which I shared with partner and little boy.

I have taken over a rental house but my little boy hates it. He continues to scream for his dad, will not sleep just cries. He is not getting any sleep and I have been told that they have noticed a change at nursery.

Has anyone been in the same situation? I am only four weeks into a 26 week contract and dont know what to do.

Sarmia, how old is he?

is his bedtime routine the same in this new house?
does he have all his usual toys, bed, bedding in the new house?