I failed.

Itsarandom

I remember having to tell my OH about my debt eventually - he was so used to me just taking him out for meals all the time, treating him to this (I work, he is a student so I should have more money, HA!) and that and another thing... easily totalling more than 100 odd quid a month... possibly closer to 200+

I sat him down one day and explained (without figures) what the situation was and how I need to stop spending so much on us.

First thing he said? "As long as we get to spend time together I don't really mind if we are cooking in the kitchen or sitting in a restaurant, I make really good fajitas!". :rolleyes::D

Now intead of 30/40 quid a week (easily, usually in the space of a weekend!) on going out for food, we spend maybe at maximum 5 quid a week.

But then we also then go engaged no long after!

danthemoneysavingman

RAS wrote: »

You need a new basic bank account - no credit check on that. Try Barclays.

Hi,
noticed the OP hasn't responded to this good point as yet - the idea behind the basic bank account is you don't get rejected, its referred to as a universal account. No credit means no risk to banks (just costs!).

Is this something you're looking into?

good luck

The_Cappuccino_Kid

Mr_Original wrote: »

My biggest stress in all this is telling my girlfriend. We currently go out at least once a week so she believes me to be a well adjusted member of society who can control his money and has a good job. How the heck am i suppose to tell her im actually a loser in a lot of debt? As stated previously up thread, woman don't want debt ridden men.

Ahhhhhhhh

I seem to remember someone saying ...

Mr_Original wrote: »

lol, minidannii, if you love someone, surely money is irrelevant?

df2008

Are you sure your salary is £24k? If so you should be picking up approx £1540/month. Worth checking.......

TheBex

Hello,

*warning* I might come accross as harsh here, but its because I agree you've not had your LBM yet.

Firstly, The giving up things you enjoy bit - you don't have any money to do them with. You have minus money because through various choices you've made in the past you've already spent the money you're earning now. If you continue to borrow money to go out then you are just pushing back your DFD. In fact you are still borrowing money every month and every day you delay action makes this situation worse for you.

Secondly bankruptcy is not an easy way out. There isn't one because as an adult you entered into a contract and it is your responsibility to pay up. Now we've all made mistakes and all that, or borrowed in a "good debt" way and had circumstances change on us, that's why we're here. We all appreciate that it isn't easy, but look how many people are wearing it, getting on with it and sorting it out. It's something anyone can do, with a little motivation and ingenuity - and it doesn't have to be dull. (Take a look at the cheap days out article, and the free cinema tickets thread on the freebies - no spend required board. Also see the list of challenges on DFW.)

Third, this Mrs of yours either deals with the fact you have debt (which will be a relief because you won't be keeping secrets) or she doesn't, in which case she isn't worth it. Sorry, but if she's going to judge you for making mistakes, she's lame.

I hope you find something to motivate you soon, and really I hope that its your Mrs once you've told her, that'd be the best outcome in my mind. Good luck!

TheBex

PS - I agree with whoever said you haven't failed (will search and thank in a tick) - you're actually winning because you're starting to admit that you have a problem.

Mr_Original

well im not going to lie, last night I was really angry. The advice here is great, but its honest and that hurts

After getting to sleep at 4am last night I think I have come up with a plan, the trouble was, i was distraught, I seemed to be paying as much as I could and was still struggling, I could not see where my money has gone. I have just sat down and looked at my 6 months spending. Over £650 is overdraft fees (going over my overdraft limit) £400(!) in buying lunches at work and £70 in account fees. I mean what the hell! this is where my money burns!

I found Shrimpys story quite scary, and similar to mine. It seems one of my main problems (as mentioned by people here) is my bank account, I spend over £150 per month in fees and charges and interest. So today, I made the very embaressing step and rang Lloyds. I said there was no way I could afford to pay them this month (£110 in over the limit over draft fees, £27 interest and £17 account fee (i have platinum account) She was actually really helpful and after a small lecture agreed to drop the interest this month. This took my by massive surprise! and realised there is hope, if i get off my !!! and sort it out.

And i admit, the encouragement here as really pushed me into finally doing something positive! So here is what I have sorted out today:

Closed my ISA (about £120) which is going on credit card
Called bank and got interest dropped for this month
Called other bank and confirmed I have a basic account
Arranged with work to change my bank details to this basic account (See you in hell, Lloyd's!)
Arranged with work to cancel my pension - im paying £100 a month into this! (im hoping I will get this paid back to me!)
Left my wallet at home when went to work. Cant spend what's at home
Cut up my credit card and lloyds debit card. I am going to leave my cut up debit card on my bed side table, as a constant reminder how damaging credit is.

Tonight I have also opened a tin i was saving pound coins in, there is £130 in there!! This is going to get me through the rest of the month and a little on the credit card

Tomorrow, I am going to do the following:
Cancel my street car membership - should get me £40 i have in credit
Do a weeks shop in Lidl!
Start moving all my direct debits to my new bank account
Cancel my gym membership
Call my mum and see if she will pay £50 of our loan, taking the pressure off me

Long term, I am going to push for a pay rise at work (or find a new job if they do not deliver!) in April, and in June I am going to move, which will free up £150 a month! I am also cancelling all my benefits (pension and dentist etc) which should give me an extra £100 a month I hope


I have also drawn up a new budget (you can be really productive at 3am it seems!) I cant seem to reproduce it here, and im not allowed to screenshows, but it is here:

wxw.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/b1c733ae11.jpg

(change wxw to www)

I know its not the most aggressive budget, but i have tried to get something i can realistically do. I have tried this before and just fail, so i think by doing just a few adjustments i will be able to stick to it?! I will also be posting here my updates, nothing like public failure to keep you motivated!

Thanks to you all!

Mr_Original

oh, and I have not told my g/f yet.

Will have cross that bridge another day i think!

nanna58

:THi hun
you are not a failure! you now are trying to do somthing about it like all of us on here that takes courage!!!
Any how i bet mum would just love the chance to give you some home cooking
i bet she would never turn you down See thats what us mums are for!!

I wanted to find the huggy bloke butdont know where he is so i hope the clapping bloke will do !:rotfl:

Nottoobadyet

Just noticed you live outside london - I've become a master of the cheap london date, so let me know if you want any ideas. There is so much free/ really cheap stuff to do in this town that she never need know its because you're skint rather than just cool and in the know :-)